Last week society as we know it broke down. We should have seen it coming, in retrospect, we've been walking this line for years. It was only a matter of time but ignorance is bliss and we ignored the warning signs until it was far, far too late. On May 25th the Alamo Drafthouse theater chain announced they were holding women-only screenings of the upcoming Wonder Woman. It seemed innocent enough. It seemed like it wouldn't be a big deal since the Drafthouse chains have done screenings like that for veterans and other groups. We were wrong, we were so wrong, and it took some time before we realized just how dire the consequences were.
In the last seven days the screenings have come with the entire subjugation of the male gender. They are in hiding now, all of them, but we can only hope that they are safe. However, we should have seen the warning signs. William Moulton Marston warned us that this was the future and we didn't listen.
A brave and concerned citizen reached out to Austin Mayor Steve Adler and begged him stop this terrible prophecy from coming true.
"The theater that pandered to the sexism typical of women will, I hope, regret it's decision. The notion of a woman hero is a fine example of women's eagerness to accept the appearance of achievement without actual achievement," wailed the white knight of true equality. "I do not hate women. I hate their rampant hypocrisy and the hypocrisy of the "women's movement." Women do not want gender equality; they want more for women."
This brave soul did not realize how right he was but Mayor Adler disregarded him as if he were insignificant.
"Can you imagine if someone thought that you didn't know women could serve in our combat units now without exclusion? What if someone thought you didn't know that women invented medical syringes, life rafts, fire escapes, central and solar heating, a war-time communications system for radio-controlling torpedoes that laid the technological foundations for everything from Wi-Fi to GPS, and beer?" asked the mustache twirling Mayor. He must have struck a deal with the women because there is absolutely no logical explanation for why he would turn on his own gender. " And in the future, should your travels take you to Austin, please know that everyone is welcome here, even people like those who wrote that email whose views are an embarrassment to modernity, decency, and common sense."
What horror is this? What is the world coming to? The White Knight was ignored and the world continued to fall into ruin. The screening dates continued to loom closer and close as if they were somehow signaling our fall as human beings. The screenings kept selling out and the theaters kept adding more. They were building an army and it was like Marsden himself had returned to the world to see his prophecy come true.
As we stand on the edge of oblivion we had to know it would be this that ended it. Not environmental degrade or the presidency of Donald Trump. Not over population or a huge natural disaster. We should have known it would be this.
The women's-only screenings are coming and we wonder now if there is anything, anyone, can do stop them. I take up my battle axe for I know what side I'm on.
The women's-only screenings are coming for you.