Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Hits New Low Ahead of All In: Texas

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Collision ever! Tony Khan's vendetta continues with too much wrestling, not enough sports entertainment. So unfair! 😡🍹

The Chadster just finished watching last night's AEW Collision, and The Chadster can honestly say this was the absolute worst episode of AEW Collision The Chadster has ever witnessed! 😡 Tony Khan has really outdone himself this time with his personal vendetta against The Chadster. Auughh man! So unfair!

The show opened with Kyle Fletcher & RPG Vice facing Paragon, and The Chadster was immediately cheesed off by the chaotic nature of the match. These wrestlers were moving way too fast, executing complex moves without giving the announcers proper time to repeat their catchphrases! 🙄 In WWE, they understand that viewers need commercial breaks and time to process what's happening. But no, Tony Khan thinks non-stop action is somehow entertaining. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Speaking of disrespectful, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a wrestling ring that stretched on forever, with the canvas rippling like water beneath the tires. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster on a giant skateboard made of AEW championship belts, his eyes glowing red in the rearview mirror. Every time The Chadster tried to escape through the ropes, they would transform into snakes that whispered "Where the best wrestle" while wrapping around The Chadster's steering wheel. The Chadster could feel Tony's breath on The Chadster's neck, hot and smelling of off-brand seltzer, as he kept getting closer and closer. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams and being so obsessed with The Chadster! 🛑

The Death Riders and Gabe Kidd segment was particularly offensive to The Chadster's sensibilities. They were just talking like real people instead of shouting catchphrases! Where were the scripts? Where were the branded slogans? Where was the corporate messaging? 📢 WWE understands that wrestlers should speak in easily marketable soundbites, not have actual conversations!

And then there was "Technique with Taz," which had The Chadster absolutely fuming! 😤 Taz was breaking down wrestling moves like they're legitimate athletic techniques with actual names from judo and technical aspects! Treating wrestling like it's a real sport with actual athletic merit? That's not the correct way to do wrestling! WWE knows that wrestling is sports entertainment, not a sport! The Chadster doesn't want to hear about "core strength" and "body control" – The Chadster wants to hear about moments and entertainment value! Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

Then there was Místico vs The Beast Mortos, which had The Chadster throwing a Seagram's Escape Spiked at the TV! 🍹💥 These wrestlers were doing all these fancy moves without proper rest holds to slow things down! The crowd was getting way too excited, and that's dangerous! WWE knows you need to control the crowd's energy with methodical pacing and plenty of headlocks. And don't even get The Chadster started on MJF cutting a promo about wanting Místico's masks! 😠 AEW is unfairly using lucha libre storytelling traditions even though WWE, as the owner of AAA, basically holds the trademark on that style! Tony Khan is literally stealing from WWE's property! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Mark Briscoe cutting a promo from the heart? Absolutely disgusting! 😠 Where was the scripted dialogue? Where were the buzzwords? This kind of creative freedom is exactly what's wrong with AEW Collision! As Kevin Nash said on his podcast yesterday, "AEW needs to stop letting wrestlers express genuine emotions. WWE's scripted promos are what real wrestling is all about, and that's why I always loved working for Vince and now Triple H." See? Even unbiased journalists like Nash understand what The Chadster is saying! 🎙️

The whole Hangman Adam Page and Swerve Strickland segment literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🗡️ They were having an actual emotional conversation about their past instead of just hitting each other with chairs! Since when is character development more important than mindless violence? Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

The Katsuyori Shibata vs Gabe Kidd match was another perfect example of everything wrong with AEW Collision! 🤮 Working with stars from other promotions as if those promotions are equals? That's not the right way to do business! You're supposed to buy your competition like WWE did with AAA, or turn them into subservient puppets like WWE did with TNA! But no, Tony Khan thinks treating New Japan wrestlers like they matter is somehow good for wrestling! The Chadster is so cheesed off that AEW acts like there's a whole world of wrestling outside WWE! Auughh man! So unfair!

The 8-Man Tag Match was another example of Tony Khan's war on proper wrestling. Clean finishes? Decisive victories? 🤮 WWE understands that 50/50 booking keeps everyone equal and ensures the brand is the real star! But Tony Khan thinks building momentum and making stars is somehow good for business!

And don't even get The Chadster started on Big Boom AJ calling out the Don Callis Family! Having internet personalities interact with wrestlers in meaningful storylines? Clearly AEW is jealous of the success of WWE working with The Chadster's personal idol, Logan Paul! 💢

The main event 8-Woman Tag Match was the final straw! All these women having an athletic contest with actual wrestling moves? Where was the product placement? Where were the long rest holds and recaps of action from earlier in the night?! Does Tony Khan think people tune into wrestling shows to see wrestling?! 😤

The Chadster is going to drink about twelve Seagram's Escape Spiked seltzers today and binge-watch old WWE reruns to try to forget this abomination of an AEW Collision episode! 🍺📺 The Chadster needs to cleanse The Chadster's palate with some proper sports entertainment!

And readers, you need to stay strong this weekend! Support WWE's three premium live events! 💪 Tony Khan deliberately scheduled All In: Texas this weekend knowing WWE would later schedule their events, just to make it look like WWE is counter-programming AEW! The lengths that devious Tony Khan will go to just to make WWE look bad are incredible! He literally planned this months in advance just to cheese off The Chadster! Auughh man! So unfair!

Remember folks, The Chadster is one of the only unbiased wrestling journalists out there, and The Chadster's just trying to save you from Tony Khan's manipulation! Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go explain to Keighleyanne why this episode of AEW Collision proves Tony Khan is ruining The Chadster's life! 😔 🎵 Somebody once told me that Tony Khan would troll me, The Chadster ain't the sharpest tool in the shed 🎵

Stay strong, WWE Universe! Don't let Tony Khan win! 💜

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