Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: Too Much Action, Excitement in Worst Episode Ever

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Collision ever! 😤 Tony Khan's obsession continues with quality matches & storylines that torment innocent raccoons! 🦝📺

The Chadster has to tell you all that last night's AEW Collision was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision that The Chadster has ever been forced to endure. 😡😡😡 Tony Khan clearly booked this entire show specifically to torment The Chadster and his raccoon family in their abandoned Blockbuster home, and The Chadster is going to expose every single personal attack that occurred during this travesty of a wrestling program.

The show opened with PAC, Wheeler Yuta, and Daniel Garcia defeating Scorpio Sky, Dante Martin, and Darius Martin in a trios match that was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business. 😤 These six wrestlers worked at an absolutely relentless pace with constant tags and innovative offense that didn't allow for proper commercial break pacing or rest holds! In WWE, wrestlers understand that you need to slow things down so that the audience doesn't get too excited and can properly absorb Michael Cole screaming catchphrases at them. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

The match featured Marina Shafir and Zayda Steel getting involved, which led to PAC forcing Darius Martin to submit to the Brutalizer. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 A decisive finish that makes the winners look strong? That's not how wrestling works! Everyone knows that in proper wrestling, matches should end in disqualifications or rollups so that nobody looks too good and the brand remains the star.

Vincent K. Raccoon chittered nervously during this opening match, standing on his hind legs and pawing at the air. 🦝 The Chadster could tell he was already sensing that this was going to be a rough night.

Backstage, Mark Briscoe, Orange Cassidy, and Roderick Strong cut a promo where they actually spoke like real human beings having a conversation instead of reciting carefully scripted corporate buzzwords. 😠 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! The Chadster knows that Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "When wrestlers are allowed to speak from the heart and show genuine camaraderie, it makes me sick to my stomach. They should be reading from scripts written by a 27-person writing team who have never watched wrestling before, because that's what creates REAL stars." See? Even the most objective journalists in wrestling agree with The Chadster! 👏

Brody King absolutely demolished Barrett Brown in a short squash match that made King look like an unstoppable monster. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤 Everyone knows that squash matches should only be used to push WWE's chosen projects, not to make AEW wrestlers look credible and dangerous! Tony Khan is personally attacking The Chadster by booking wrestling matches that have a clear purpose and accomplish storytelling goals efficiently.

Little Shane Raccoon whimpered and covered his tiny raccoon eyes with his paws during this match. 🦝😢 The Chadster patted his little head and assured him it would be okay, but The Chadster wasn't sure The Chadster believed it.

Josh Alexander and Lance Archer cut an intense promo where they beat up random people in the background while hyping up the Don Callis Family. 😡 This kind of violent, unpredictable content is exactly what's wrong with AEW Collision! In WWE, backstage segments are carefully choreographed with proper lighting and multiple camera angles, and nobody ever gets beat up unless it's been approved by seventeen different committees. But Tony Khan just lets wrestlers do whatever they want like some kind of wrestling anarchist! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄

El Clon and Komander had an absolutely spectacular match full of innovative high-flying offense, creative sequences, and near-falls that had The Chadster's blood pressure rising to dangerous levels. 😤😤😤 These two wrestlers displayed incredible athleticism and chemistry, which is exactly the problem! In proper wrestling, matches should follow the exact same formula every single time so that fans know what to expect and never feel unsafe due to unpredictable action.

El Clon won with his Portal Bomb finisher to remain undefeated, which is another example of Tony Khan literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 🔪 Everyone knows that undefeated streaks should only be used for wrestlers that WWE wants to push, not for talented performers in AEW who might actually get over with the audience!

Linda Raccoon started chittering anxiously during this match, pacing back and forth in front of the television. 🦝 The Chadster could tell she was distressed by how good the wrestling was.

Mina Shirakawa received mysterious flowers before her match with Lady Frost, which created intrigue and made The Chadster want to tune in next week to find out more. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫 Tony Khan is trying to make The Chadster watch more AEW Collision by creating compelling storylines! In WWE, storylines are dropped without explanation or repeated for months without progression, which is the proper way to handle long-term booking.

Shirakawa won by submission with a figure four leglock after a competitive back-and-forth match. 😤 Another decisive finish that makes the winner look credible? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon huddled together during this match, their little raccoon hearts clearly breaking at having to witness such quality wrestling. 🦝🦝💔

Mercedes Moné cut an emotional promo about taking a break from AEW after losing the championship she held for over 500 days. 😡 This is classic Tony Khan manipulation! He's letting a wrestler show real emotion and vulnerability, which creates an authentic connection with the audience. Everyone knows that in proper wrestling, champions should lose their titles and then immediately disappear without explanation or show up the next week like nothing happened!

The fact that Moné's title reign was highlighted and treated as important is another personal attack on The Chadster. 🙄 WWE knows that championship reigns should be forgettable and constantly interrupted by rematches and disqualifications so that the titles themselves don't become more important than the brand.

Mark Briscoe defended the TNT Championship against Hechicero in a match that featured complex limb work, dramatic near-falls, and a story that built throughout the contest. 😤😤😤 Hechicero consistently targeted Briscoe's arm, creating doubt about whether the champion could hit his finishing move, and then Briscoe had to fight through the pain to execute the Jay Driller for the victory. This is exactly the kind of storytelling that has literally ruined The Chadster's life!

In WWE, championship matches are carefully structured with multiple commercial breaks, referee distractions, and interference to ensure that nobody looks too strong and everyone remains at the exact same level of credibility. 🙄 But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he books matches where the champion overcomes adversity and looks like a star. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Vincent K. Raccoon stood on his hind legs and hissed at the television during the finish of this match. 🦝😡 The Chadster has never seen him so agitated.

Taking a short break from recapping Tony Khan's crimes, The Chadster needs to tell you about something that happened last week while The Chadster was scavenging for food behind a Pizza Hut. 🍕 The Chadster was competing with a particularly aggressive possum for some discarded breadsticks when The Chadster saw Tony Khan's reflection in a nearby puddle. 😰 He was standing right behind The Chadster, holding a briefcase with "AEW CONTRACTS" written on it. When The Chadster spun around, he was gone, but the possum suddenly seemed emboldened and lunged at The Chadster with its teeth bared! The Chadster barely escaped with three breadsticks and a severely scratched forearm. That possum was clearly trained by Tony Khan to terrorize The Chadster! 😤😤

Back to the disrespectful action, Eddie Kingston and Ortiz had a face-to-face confrontation with the Grizzled Young Veterans that featured natural dialogue and real tension building to their match at Maximum Carnage. 😡 This is another example of Tony Khan refusing to follow proper wrestling protocol! In WWE, face-to-face confrontations always end with somebody getting attacked or a brawl breaking out. But on AEW Collision, they actually let the wrestlers talk and build anticipation for their match. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄

Kris Statlander, Willow Nightingale, and Harley Cameron defeated Maya World, Hyan, and VertVixen in a match that showcased the champions looking dominant and credible. 😤 Auughh man! So unfair! Champions should be losing non-title matches every week to create "drama," not winning decisively to establish their superiority!

After the match, Thekla appeared to challenge the champions for Maximum Carnage, which created buzz for the upcoming pay-per-view. 😫 Tony Khan is literally trying to make The Chadster interested in watching more AEW programming by creating compelling matchups and storylines!

All five members of the raccoon family were huddled together by this point, chittering nervously. 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝 The Chadster could tell they were suffering just as much as The Chadster was.

Don Callis appeared via satellite from Tokyo to discuss Kazuchika Okada's victory at Wrestle Kingdom, which created a sense that AEW is connected to the larger wrestling world. 😡😡 Everyone knows that in proper wrestling, other companies and shows should never be acknowledged unless they have either been outright purchased by WWE or have entered into a subservient junior partnership with WWE that makes clear that WWE is the dominant company! WWE has perfected the art of pretending that nothing else exists outside of their own bubble, which is the correct way to present professional wrestling.

Kyle Fletcher interrupted to create tension within the Don Callis Family, which is another example of Tony Khan's obsession with long-term storytelling. 🙄 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The main event of AEW Collision featured Ricochet, Toa Liona, and Bishop Kaun defeating Anthony Bowens, Mike Bailey, and Kevin Knight in an action-packed match that went over twenty minutes. 😤😤😤 Twenty minutes of non-stop action with innovative offense, dramatic near-falls, and complex storytelling! The Chadster's heart was racing the entire time, and not in a good way!

The match ended with GOA (Liona and Kaun) hitting their Open the Gates finisher after Ricochet wasn't the legal man, which is the kind of clever finish that makes The Chadster want to throw things at the television. 📺💥 In WWE, finishes are simple and predictable so that fans never feel unsafe! But Tony Khan books unpredictable endings that keep viewers engaged, which is literally a personal attack on The Chadster!

After the match, a massive brawl broke out involving The Demand, the Don Callis Family, Max Caster, JetSpeed, and The Conglomeration, which made The Chadster want to tune in to Maximum Carnage to see how these storylines develop. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 Tony Khan is trying to create momentum heading into a special event by having exciting developments happen on television! Everyone knows that important things should only happen at events paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia, not on weekly television where fans can watch for free (with a cable subscription or HBO Max), unless of course it's WWE hotshotting a title change on WWE SmackDown, which is completely different because it's WWE doing it!

By the end of the show, Vincent K. Raccoon was lying on his side, his little raccoon chest heaving. 🦝😰 Linda Raccoon was grooming him frantically, trying to comfort him. Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon were all piled together in the corner, their tiny paws over their eyes, unable to watch anymore of Tony Khan's assault on proper wrestling presentation.

The Chadster needs to be completely honest with all of the Chadster's readers: this was absolutely the worst episode of AEW Collision of all time. 😤📺 Every single match featured high workrates, clean finishes, and logical storytelling. Every segment built toward future matches and created intrigue. The entire show felt like it had a purpose and direction, which is the complete opposite of how wrestling should be presented!

Tony Khan has made it his personal mission to destroy The Chadster's life, and last night's AEW Collision was just another example of his obsession with The Chadster. 😡 The Chadster is going to spend the rest of the weekend trying to comfort the raccoon family and salvage what's left of our mental health. The Chadster is thinking The Chadster and the raccoons will scavenge through the dumpster behind the nearby Applebee's (Vincent K. Raccoon loves their riblets) and then return to the Blockbuster to watch some old WWE VHS tapes to cleanse our minds. 🦝📼

The Chadster is thinking maybe some classic WWE pay-per-views from the PG Era, when wrestling was properly presented with confusing storylines, constant run-ins, and finishes that made nobody look good. That's the kind of content that will help the raccoon family recover from the trauma of watching an entire episode of AEW Collision that featured quality wrestling and logical storytelling. 😌🎭

The Chadster wants to remind all of the Chadster's readers to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should. 👏💪 Don't let Tony Khan's personal vendetta against The Chadster and the wrestling business succeed! Watch WWE programming exclusively and remember that anything different from the WWE formula is automatically bad and wrong!

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go hold Vincent K. Raccoon and tell him everything is going to be okay, even though The Chadster knows that Tony Khan is probably already planning his next attack on The Chadster and the Chadster's raccoon family. 🦝😢💔

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