Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Last Night Proved Violence Has No Place in Pro Wrestling

Tony Khan's AEW Dynamite featured a DISGUSTING Street Fight that made The Chadster physically ill! Spike with NAILS?! So disrespectful to the business!

Last night, AEW Dynamite once again proved why it is literally the worst wrestling show on television! 😖 The Chadster had to suffer through yet another episode of Tony Khan's vanity project, and The Chadster is completely cheesed off about it! 😠 Despite the pain and personal torment, The Chadster only watches AEW Dynamite because it's The Chadster's journalistic duty to report on how terrible it is compared to WWE's perfectly crafted programming. 🧐📝

AEW Dynamite started with a four-way match featuring Orange Cassidy, Mike Bailey, Mark Davis, and Ricochet for a shot at Kenny Omega's International Championship. 😒 The match was just so spotty with everyone doing flips and dives, which is exactly what Tony Khan thinks wrestling should be! 🙄 Unlike WWE, which knows that wrestling should be about carefully paced storytelling with commercial breaks placed at exactly the right moments, AEW Dynamite just throws random athletes in the ring to do gymnastics routines! 🤸‍♂️

The ending where both Bailey and Ricochet ended up getting the title shot was so typical of AEW's booking. 😤 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE would never do something so convoluted – they'd simply have a clean finish or a disqualification that leads to months of rematches! That's proper wrestling! 💯

Next up, Mercedes Mone defended her TBS Championship against Billie Starkz. 😑 Mercedes, who WWE made a star, came to AEW and literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪 The match had way too many moves and athleticism, when everyone knows that matches for midcard titles should be 3 minutes long max, if anyone even remembers the titles exist! 👸

The Chadster was so upset watching this that The Chadster squeezed his White Claw seltzer can so hard it exploded all over The Chadster's authentic WWE merchandise! 💦 And who's going to pay for that? Tony Khan owes The Chadster a new Seth "Freakin" Rollins t-shirt! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Then MJF cut a promo about maybe joining up with The Hurt Syndicate. 🙄 The Chadster doesn't understand why AEW Dynamite always has to do these long-term storylines that expect fans to have memories longer than goldfish! 🐠 WWE knows that you should reset storylines every two weeks because fans only care about "moments!" MJF clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, just like Tony Khan! 📉

The worst part of AEW Dynamite was a Street Fight between Jon Moxley and Cope. 😡 This match was absolutely disgusting and made The Chadster physically ill! 🤮 They used weapons like kendo sticks, trash cans, and tables, which WWE would never do (except in their own Street Fights, but those are tasteful and family-friendly)! 👪

But what really crossed the line was when Cope pulled out that bat called "Spike" with all those nails sticking out of it! 😱 And then when it got stuck in Moxley's back, and Wheeler Yuta and the referee had to literally pull it out of his skin?!? 🩸 The Chadster had to run to the bathroom and throw up immediately! 🚽 This kind of barbaric violence has no place in professional wrestling! Tony Khan is teaching children that it's okay to stab people with nail-covered bats! 👶

While WWE might occasionally use weapons, they would never show something so graphic and disturbing. Triple H understands what wrestling should be! The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would air something so disturbing on cable television! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

Then Bandido had a segment with Johnny TV setting up a match nobody wants to see. 🥱 Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand that wrestling fans don't want to see luchadors who can perform incredible feats of athleticism – they want to see the same matches week after week like WWE brilliantly provides! 🎭

Will Ospreay had a match with AR Fox that was just a bunch of flips and no psychology. 🙄 The Chadster can't believe Ospreay would waste his potential like this when he could be having 3-minute matches on WWE Main Event! Ospreay clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️

Adam Page announced he's entering some tournament that The Chadster doesn't care about. 😴 WWE knows that tournaments should only happen occasionally and be won by the biggest stars, not just be annual events that build new stars! Most importantly, they should be held in Saudi Arabia, a country with a superb human rights record. Page literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by agreeing to participate! 📌

Megan Bayne beat Kris Statlander in the main event that completely overdelivered in the worst way possible. 🙄 It was so needlessly competitive with power moves and counter-wrestling that went way too long! 💪 Tony Khan seems to think fans want to see actual athletic competition instead of predetermined entertainment with predictable outcomes like WWE wisely provides! And having Toni Storm doing commentary? 🎙️ Why would you want personalities to have extra dimensions? WWE knows that wrestlers should stick to their lane and not display any additional talents! This is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🏆

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night that was clearly inspired by AEW Dynamite. 😰 In the nightmare, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata to the store to buy more White Claw, when suddenly the car filled with smoke! 💨

When The Chadster looked in the rearview mirror, Tony Khan was in the backseat holding Spike, that same nail-covered bat from AEW Dynamite! 😱 "Do you like my booking now, Chad?" Tony Khan asked, his eyes glowing red. 👹 The Chadster tried to escape, but Tony Khan grabbed The Chadster's shoulder and started stabbing the driver's seat with Spike, getting closer and closer to The Chadster's back with each stab! 🔪

The Chadster woke up screaming, and Keighleyanne didn't even look up from texting that guy Gary to ask what was wrong! 📱 This is all Tony Khan's fault for being so obsessed with The Chadster! Stop invading The Chadster's dreams, Tony! 😡

Overall, AEW Dynamite was another terrible episode that doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 👎 As wrestling podcast legend and objective journalist Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio just last week, "AEW needs to stop letting the inmates run the asylum and start producing a program that respects WWE's superior production techniques instead of trying to be different for the sake of being different." 🎙️ That's the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval right there! ✅

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne why AEW Dynamite is objectively bad television, but she just sighed and said, "Chad, please, it's 3 AM and I have work tomorrow." 😔 The Chadster knows that's her way of agreeing with The Chadster, before she went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan has ruined The Chadster's marriage too! 💔

Anyway, The Chadster will be driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata to the liquor store to stock up on more White Claw seltzer before next week's AEW Dynamite, which The Chadster will unfortunately have to watch again. 🚗 As Smash Mouth once wisely said, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," just like Tony Khan's attacks on WWE and The Chadster never stop coming! 🎵 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

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