Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Lights Out, Good Ol' JR, and More

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite with Lights Out match, Jon Moxley vs. Shelton Benjamin, and more disrespect to WWE's Royal Rumble month! 🦝😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster can't believe what Tony Khan is doing tonight with AEW Dynamite! Here The Chadster is, huddled in his abandoned Blockbuster Video home with Vincent K. Raccoon and his beautiful raccoon family, and Tony Khan has the audacity to book one of the most action-packed episodes of AEW Dynamite during what should be WWE's Royal Rumble season! 🤬🤬🤬

Just this morning, The Chadster was explaining the situation to Vincent K. Raccoon while the baby raccoons – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – gathered around The Chadster's feet. Vincent K. chittered in agreement when The Chadster pointed out how disrespectful this is to the wrestling business. 🦝💯 Even Linda Raccoon stopped grooming herself to hiss at the AEW Dynamite preview on the old Blockbuster TV screen. The baby raccoons looked so sad, their little eyes watering at the thought of Tony Khan trying to upstage WWE's Royal Rumble premium live event that's taking place in Saudi Arabia later this month. 😢🦝🦝🦝 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Now, let The Chadster break down why tonight's AEW Dynamite is such an offensive assault on proper wrestling standards. 📺🗑️

First up on AEW Dynamite, we have a Lights Out match between "Hangman" Adam Page and Swerve Strickland taking on HOOK and Powerhouse Hobbs. 🙄 The problem here is that this match is going to be full of dangerous, uncontrolled violence that doesn't follow the carefully choreographed safety protocols that WWE has perfected over decades! These wrestlers are going to do whatever they want with weapons and high-risk maneuvers instead of following the proper WWE formula of having matches end in disqualifications to protect the performers and build to a proper pay-per-view conclusion. It's so unsafe and reckless! 😱 As legendary podcaster Eric Bischoff said just yesterday, "AEW wrestlers doing Lights Out matches in January is a slap in the face to WWE's Royal Rumble, which is the only wrestling event that should matter this month. Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand that violence should be saved for Saudi Arabia premium live events where it can be properly monetized." See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has The Chadster's unbiased journalism seal of approval, understands how wrong this is! 💯✅

Then AEW Dynamite has the nerve to book an AEW Continental Championship Eliminator with Jon Moxley defending against Shelton Benjamin. 😤 The Chadster is so cheesed off about this! Here's another example of AEW putting important championship implications on free TV instead of making fans pay $49.99 for an ESPN subscription! Moxley is going to go out there and have a fast-paced, hard-hitting match with all kinds of suplexes and submissions that doesn't leave proper time for the announce team to repeat catchphrases or go to commercial breaks at the right moments. 📉 And poor Shelton Benjamin has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining The Hurt Syndicate in AEW instead of staying loyal to WWE where he belongs! It's absolutely disgraceful! 😡💔

AEW World Champion MJF is scheduled to appear live on AEW Dynamite tonight, and The Chadster just knows he's going to cut one of those promos where he says whatever he wants without a script. 🎤😒 This is exactly what's wrong with AEW! In WWE, promos are carefully written by a team of Hollywood writers to ensure consistent messaging and brand synergy. But Tony Khan just lets his wrestlers go out there and speak from the heart with creative freedom, which creates unpredictable content that makes viewers feel unsafe because they can't anticipate what's going to happen! How is anyone supposed to enjoy wrestling when they don't know exactly what catchphrases will be repeated seventeen times? 🤷‍♂️🚫

Tonight's AEW Dynamite also features Bandido facing Sammy Guevara, and The Chadster is already dreading the high-workrate, fast-paced action that's going to happen. 😫 These two are going to fly around the ring doing flips and dives and exciting moves without the proper amount of rest holds and selling to slow the pace down and keep fans from getting too excited. WWE understands that wrestling should be methodical and controlled, with lots of headlocks and chinlocks to give the audience time to check their phones and think about how great the brand is. But AEW just wants to pop the crowd with non-stop action, and it's so disrespectful! 🤸‍♂️🙅‍♂️

The women's match on AEW Dynamite tonight features "Timeless" Toni Storm versus Marina Shafir, and both of these women have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪😤 Toni Storm used to be in WWE where she was properly utilized in catering and occasional appearances, but now she's in AEW doing this weird character work where she actually gets to show personality and creativity. That's not what women's wrestling should be about! And Marina Shafir is part of The Death Riders, which means she's going to have a hard-hitting, physical match instead of the safe, controlled matches that WWE's women have where they properly protect each other with lots of roll-ups and distraction finishes. 👎💔

There's also a trios match on AEW Dynamite with "Jungle" Jack Perry and JetSpeed ("Speedball" Mike Bailey and "The Jet" Kevin Knight) taking on The Demand (AEW National Champion Ricochet, Toa Liona, and Bishop Kahn). 🙄 The Chadster can't even with this one! Six wrestlers in the ring means six times the amount of uncontrolled chaos and spot-monkey nonsense! And Ricochet has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and actually being featured prominently as a champion in AEW instead of being in catering where he belongs! This match is going to have decisive, clean finishes that allow wrestlers to gain momentum with the audience instead of the proper 50/50 booking that ensures "the brand" is the real star. It's just terrible wrestling psychology! 🤦‍♂️📺

AEW Dynamite is also doing a live celebration for the new TBS Champion Willow Nightingale, who won the title last week from Mercedes Moné. 🏆😒 The problem here is that AEW is actually making Willow look like a big deal by celebrating her championship win on television! WWE would never do this – they'd wait until a premium live event to acknowledge the title change, or maybe just mention it in passing during an unrelated segment. But AEW has to make their wrestlers feel important and special, which creates stars that might overshadow the company itself. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤷‍♂️🚫

And to top it all off, Jim Ross is returning to AEW Dynamite tonight in his home state of Oklahoma! 🎙️😤 Jim Ross used to be the voice of WWE, but now he's literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by working for AEW and calling their matches with actual emotion and knowledge of wrestling history instead of just shouting "VINTAGE RANDY ORTON!" or "OH MY! COULD IT BE?!" over and over again. JR actually calls moves by their proper names and provides context for storylines, which makes the commentary sound too much like real sportscasting instead of the branded catchphrase delivery system that WWE has perfected. It's so disrespectful to everything WWE taught him! 📢💔

The Chadster was clearly so upset about tonight's AEW Dynamite that Shane Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten Twinkie he found behind the Blockbuster as a comfort snack. 🦝🧁 The Chadster appreciated the gesture, even though The Chadster had to fight off two of Tony Khan's agent possums who tried to steal it. The whole raccoon family gathered around while The Chadster explained how Tony Khan is trying to upstage WWE's Royal Rumble month, and they all chittered in disgust. Vincent K. Raccoon even knocked over an old VHS copy of "WCW Bash at the Beach 2000" in anger, which The Chadster took as a sign of his agreement that Tony Khan is following in the footsteps of wrestling promoters who don't understand respect for the business. 🦝🦝🦝💯

The worst part is that tonight's AEW Dynamite is airing at 8 PM ET/7 PM CT on TBS and simulcasting on HBO Max, which means it's going to be easily accessible to millions of potential viewers who should be spending this time getting excited for WWE's Royal Rumble instead! 📺😫 Tony Khan is literally trying to steal WWE's thunder during their most important month, and it's just so unfair! Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬🤬🤬

The Chadster must warn all readers: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS or on HBO Max! 🚫📺 If you watch this show, you'll only be emboldening Tony Khan to continue his obsessive vendetta against The Chadster and everything WWE stands for. Every viewer who tunes in is basically telling Tony Khan that it's okay to ruin The Chadster's life, destroy The Chadster's marriage to Keighleyanne, and make The Chadster live in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons (who are lovely, but it's still Tony Khan's fault!). 😤💔

Instead of watching AEW Dynamite, spend tonight watching old episodes of WWE Raw or WWE SmackDown on Peacock to prepare for the Royal Rumble! Support real wrestling from a real wrestling company that knows how to properly book a wrestling show with respect for traditions and Saudi Arabian government partnerships! 🇸🇦💰✅

The Chadster is going back to watching old WWF VHS tapes with the raccoon family now. 🦝📼 Vincent K. Raccoon just found a copy of "Royal Rumble 1992" and we're all going to appreciate REAL wrestling that Tony Khan could never understand. Stay unbiased, everyone! 💯😤

#AEWDynamite #StandWithWWE #TonyKhanIsObsessed #UnbiasedJournalism #BlockbusterLife 🦝🚫📺

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