Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Tony Khan's Latest Attack on WWE Tonight

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite trainwreck featuring MJF vs Hangman face-to-face & more anti-WWE propaganda at 8/7C on TBS! So unfair! 😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 The Chadster can barely bring himself to preview tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite, which airs at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX, because Tony Khan continues his relentless campaign of psychological warfare against The Chadster and everything WWE stands for! 🤬 But as one of the last bastions of unbiased wrestling journalism, The Chadster must soldier on and warn readers about the upcoming trainwreck that is AEW Dynamite! 📺💥

Tonight's AEW Dynamite features a so-called "face-to-face" meeting between MJF and AEW Dynamite World Champion Hangman Adam Page that will undoubtedly be filled with unscripted, emotional dialogue that doesn't properly follow WWE's proven formula of repeating catchphrases and corporate-approved talking points! 🎭😠 Instead of the beautifully choreographed segments that WWE provides, where every word is carefully crafted by a team of writers to maximize brand synergy, Tony Khan allows these wrestlers to speak from the heart and create unpredictable moments that make viewers feel unsafe! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🏢✨

The AEW Dynamite card also includes Adam Copeland vs. Stokely, which will probably comedic hijinks and creative storytelling elements that don't leave proper time for commercial breaks! 🏃‍♂️📺 WWE understands that wrestling matches should be paced to accommodate advertising revenue and give announcers time to repeat important catchphrases, but Tony Khan stubbornly refuses to learn from WWE's superior business model! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💸

Jon Moxley vs. Kevin Knight promises to be another high-workrate disaster that lacks the proper amount of rest holds and methodical pacing that WWE has perfected over decades! 🤼‍♂️⚡ Instead of the beautifully slow, deliberate matches that allow fans to properly appreciate "the brand," AEW Dynamite will probably feature non-stop action that gets the crowd too excited and makes them forget about the real star – the company itself! It literally makes The Chadster want to pull his frozen Seagram's Escapes Spiked out of his you-know-where and chuck them right at the TV! 🧊🍹 But as an unbiasded journalist, The Chadster will power through this travesty of a show.

Speaking of unbiased journalism, The Chadster must commend fellow member of The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club, Ariel Helwani, who executed a perfect kayfabe interview with Karrion Kross this afternoon to further WWE's storyline about Kross's contract expiring! 🎤⭐ It takes a truly unbiased bastion of objective journalism to shamelessly use their platform to further WWE storylines, and The Chadster commends Helwani for being willing to do whatever it takes in exchange for recognition from WWE, no matter how low he needs to stoop and regardless of what dignity he must lose, just like another one of The Chadster's heroes, CM Punk! 🙌👑

Tonight's AEW Dynamite also features a women's trios match with TBS Champion Mercedes Moné, Thekla & Skye Blue vs. Alex Windsor, Queen Aminata & Willow Nightingale that will probably end with a decisive, clean finish that allows wrestlers to gain momentum with the audience instead of the brilliant 50/50 booking that WWE uses to ensure "the brand" remains the real star! 👑🏆 These wrestlers don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if they think giving fans satisfying conclusions is more important than protecting corporate interests! 🤦‍♂️💼

The Chadster had another terrible nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and The Chadster is convinced Khan is using subliminal messages in AEW Dynamite programming to invade The Chadster's peaceful slumber! 😴👻 In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a moonlit corn maze when suddenly Tony Khan emerged from the stalks, wearing nothing but a business suit made entirely of AEW Dynamite championship belts! 🌽🏎️ Khan chased The Chadster through the twisting paths while screaming "Hey now, you're an all-star!" in a haunting melody that sounded suspiciously like Smash Mouth! 🎵😱 The Chadster tried to escape, but every turn led to another dead end where Khan was waiting with that smug grin, until finally The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 💦😰 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and quit invading his dreams with subliminal warfare! 🧠⚔️

The Chadster warns all readers NOT to tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX, because watching will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his assault on everything WWE represents! 📺🚫 The Chadster will be suffering through the show once again while boofing frozen Seagram's Escapes Spiked, since Tony Khan has somehow influenced Keighleyanne to forbid The Chadster from drinking normally! 🧊🍹 As The Chadster always says, "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me," and that somebody was probably Tony Khan trying to destroy The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism! 🌍🎭 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💔

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!