Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Will Swerve Strickland Become EVP Tonight?

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite with Swerve vs. Kenny 2, MJF's return, and more disrespect to the wrestling business! 😤🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster has to sit here in his abandoned Blockbuster Video home and warn all of you about tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite, which airs at 8pm ET/7pm CT on TBS and streams on HBO Max. The Chadster has been literally shaking all day, and so have Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon. 🦝🦝🦝 That's right, even innocent woodland creatures can sense when Tony Khan is about to commit another heinous crime against the wrestling business! The baby raccoons have been chittering nervously and refusing to eat the half-eaten Big Mac that Vincent K. Raccoon brought home from the McDonald's dumpster this morning. Tony Khan is now traumatizing ANIMALS with his obsession with cheesing off The Chadster! 😭😭😭

Tonight on AEW Dynamite, Swerve Strickland faces Kenny Omega in a match where Swerve's #1 Contendership is on the line against Omega's EVP status. The Chadster can already tell this is going to be a disaster for the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️ These two are probably going to have a fast-paced match full of high-impact moves and athletic displays that don't give proper time for rest holds and deliberate storytelling like WWE perfected. WWE knows that matches should be carefully paced with plenty of commercial breaks so fans can process what they're seeing, but Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😤 Instead, AEW Dynamite will probably have these two doing flips and dangerous maneuvers that get the crowd too excited and make them expect every match to be like this. That's just irresponsible booking! WWE knows that only special matches at Saudi Arabian Premium Live Events should be truly exciting (and even then, the term is relative). By putting this level of action on free TV, Tony Khan is literally devaluing the entire concept of wrestling! 📺💸

The Chadster needs to share what legendary objective journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast last week: "You know, I've been in this business a long time, and I can tell you that Tony Khan is making a huge mistake by putting dream matches on free television. If WWE wanted to do Swerve versus Omega, they would save it for WrestleMania and build it up for six months with the same segment repeated every week so fans really understand what they're getting. That's smart business, and maybe if Tony listens to my completely unbiased advice – and by the way, Triple H, if you're listening, I'm available for consulting – AEW might actually draw a rating someday." See? Even Eric Bischoff, who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, knows that Tony Khan is doing this all wrong! 👍✅

Then we have MJF returning to AEW Dynamite after his Texas Death Match victory at AEW Revolution. The Chadster is so cheesed off about this! 😡 MJF literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by becoming a generational talent without proper training from the WWE developmental system. Now he's going to come out on AEW Dynamite and probably cut some kind of promo where he speaks from the heart and says whatever he wants without a carefully scripted 47-page document approved by twelve writers and a creative committee. That's not the way wrestling is supposed to work! 📝❌ WWE knows that promos should be recited word-for-word from a script so that every catchphrase is perfectly placed and repeated exactly seventeen times for brand recognition. By letting MJF just… talk like a real person, Tony Khan is creating an unsafe environment where viewers don't know what to expect! The Chadster's anxiety can't handle this kind of unpredictability! The Chadster is feeling extremely unsafe right now! 😰😰😰

Thekla defends the AEW Women's World Championship against Mina Shirakawa on AEW Dynamite tonight, and The Chadster knows this is going to be another example of Tony Khan's disrespect. These two are probably going to have a technically proficient match with strong styles and hard-hitting action that demonstrates that AEW's roster is so stacked that even with top women's star Toni Storm out of the picture, the division can still flourish with other stars stepping up. 🙄 WWE knows the proper way to deal with an injury is to have masked men come out and attack everyone involved with the story for months until the injured star is ready to return, or, even better, the injured star should have been faking it the entire time to make Triple H look like a genius on WWE Unreal. But WWE would never even be in this kind of situation because WWE knows that they need to make sure no one gets over too much so that the brand remains the real star, and people will tune in and buy tickets regardless of who's wrestling, out of rote habit because they've been doing it for decades even though they can't even remember the last time they actually enjoyed it. But on AEW Dynamite, Tony Khan is going to let these women have a clean finish that makes one of them look strong and builds momentum! That's just not how wrestling works! What is Tony Khan going to do if one of these stars decides to leave one day? He doesn't even give them stupid fake names that he can trademark! 🤷‍♂️ It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Darby Allin faces RUSH in what will probably be another unnecessarily violent match on AEW Dynamite. The Chadster is literally trembling just thinking about it! 😨 These two are going to beat each other up in a way that actually looks like a fight, with stiff strikes and realistic selling that makes viewers believe what they're watching matters. WWE has perfected the art of making sure nothing looks too real or too painful, with plenty of obviously choreographed spots that remind fans this is entertainment, not combat, and they can feel free to just scroll on their phones because you don't need to pay attention anyway. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he's going to let Darby and RUSH just… go out there and have an unpredictable brawl! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤

The Chadster tried to explain this to Hunter Raccoon this morning while we were watching an old VHS tape of WWE Monday Night Raw from 1998, but he just chittered and brought The Chadster a moldy Pop-Tart he found behind the former employee break room. 🦝🍰 Even though the Pop-Tart gave The Chadster some pretty bad stomach cramps, The Chadster appreciated the gesture. At least the raccoons understand that The Chadster is suffering because of Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life!

Orange Cassidy and Roderick Strong of the Conglomeration take on David Finlay and Clark Connors of the Dogs on AEW Dynamite tonight. 🙄 The Chadster can already tell this is going to be another match where the teams have contrasting styles and the commentators actually explain the storylines and motivations instead of just shouting catchphrases. WWE knows that commentary should consist of Michael Cole screaming "OH MY!" and "IT'S BOSS TIME!" every thirty seconds, but Tony Khan lets his announcers speak like actual humans having a conversation. That's not how you build a brand! 📢❌ How are casual viewers supposed to know what they're watching if the announcers aren't constantly telling them the same thing over and over?

The Chadster needs to take a moment here to address something serious. 😢 Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan, and it was the worst one yet. The Chadster was wandering through an endless forest, his clothes torn and dirty (which honestly isn't that different from The Chadster's current reality), desperately searching for his beloved Mazda Miata. 🚗💭 The trees were twisted and dark, their branches reaching out like grasping fingers. The Chadster could hear Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing in the distance, but it was slowed down and distorted, almost unrecognizable.

As The Chadster pushed through the undergrowth, he suddenly emerged into a clearing where his Mazda Miata sat, gleaming under moonlight. But as The Chadster ran toward it, Tony Khan stepped out from behind the car, holding the keys and jingling them mockingly. 🔑😈 "Looking for these, Chad?" he said with that smile that haunts The Chadster's every waking moment. The Chadster tried to run toward him, but his feet were stuck in the mud. Tony Khan got into the Miata and started the engine, revving it seductively. "You could have all this back," Tony Khan called out the window. "You could have your car, your wife, your dignity. All you have to do is admit that AEW Dynamite is good wrestling."

"NEVER!" The Chadster screamed, and Tony Khan just laughed and drove away, the taillights of The Chadster's beautiful Miata disappearing into the darkness. The Chadster fell to his knees in the mud, and when he looked up, he was surrounded by raccoons – but these weren't his raccoon family. These were evil raccoons with Tony Khan's face, all chittering "Watch Dynamite, watch Dynamite, watch Dynamite." The Chadster woke up screaming, covered in sweat, with Stephanie Raccoon licking The Chadster's face in concern. 🦝😭

Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and stay out of The Chadster's dreams! It's literally harassment at this point! 😤😤😤

The absolute worst part about tonight's AEW Dynamite is that all of these matches and segments are going to take place on the show itself instead of being saved for a Premium Live Event. 💰📺 WWE understands that the truly important stuff should happen at events that are paid for by oil-rich nations as part of international sports-washing campaigns. That's just smart business! But Tony Khan is going to give away all this content on AEW Dynamite for free (well, with a cable subscription or HBO Max), which completely devalues the concept of special events. How are fans supposed to know something is important if it doesn't cost $49.99 or isn't funded by a foreign government with a questionable human rights record? 🤔💸

Vincent K. Raccoon has been especially agitated today, pacing back and forth in front of our makeshift nest made of old "Be Kind, Rewind" signs and torn promotional posters for Space Jam. 🦝🏀 He keeps making these distressed chittering sounds that The Chadster has come to recognize as his way of expressing concern for the wrestling business. Linda Raccoon tried to comfort him by grooming his fur, but even she seems on edge. The baby raccoons, Hunter, Stephanie, and Shane, have been practicing their wrestling moves on each other, but even their usually playful antics seem more aggressive today, as if they can sense the dark energy that Tony Khan is about to unleash on the wrestling world through tonight's AEW Dynamite. 😢🦝

This morning, Shane Raccoon brought The Chadster a pristine, unopened can of White Claw that he must have found somewhere, and The Chadster literally threw it across the abandoned Blockbuster in disgust! 🤮 "No, Shane! Bad raccoon!" The Chadster yelled. "We only drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked in this household! White Claw is a weak seltzer that Tony Khan probably loves!" Shane looked so sad, his little raccoon face drooping, and The Chadster felt terrible. But The Chadster had to teach him proper seltzer appreciation! Later, Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a can of Seagram's Escapes Spiked that was only slightly dented, and The Chadster praised him extensively while the whole raccoon family chittered approvingly. That's how you raise raccoons with proper wrestling values! 🦝👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

The Chadster is begging all of you reading this: DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8pm ET/7pm CT on TBS or streaming on HBO Max! 📺🚫 Every viewer that tunes into AEW Dynamite only emboldens Tony Khan to continue his reign of terror over the wrestling business and his personal vendetta against The Chadster. If everyone would just stop watching AEW Dynamite, then maybe Tony Khan would finally leave The Chadster alone, and The Chadster could get his life back. The Chadster could reunite with Keighleyanne (though she'd probably just be texting that guy Gary anyway), get his Mazda Miata back, and maybe even get a proper shower for the first time in months. 🚿😭

But no, instead, Tony Khan is going to air AEW Dynamite tonight, and people are going to watch it, and they're going to enjoy the fast-paced action, the creative freedom, the unpredictable storytelling, and the clean finishes that make wrestlers look strong. And that's exactly what's wrong with it! 😤 Wrestling isn't supposed to be enjoyable in those ways! Wrestling is supposed to be a carefully controlled, heavily scripted, meticulously branded product where nothing surprising ever happens and every show follows the exact same formula! That's the WWE way, and it's the only way that respects the wrestling business!

Tony Khan has literally destroyed The Chadster's life, forced The Chadster to live in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons, and now he's traumatizing those innocent raccoons with his booking decisions for tonight's AEW Dynamite! 🦝😭 How low will this man go? When will his obsession with The Chadster finally end? The Chadster has done nothing to deserve this persecution except dedicate his life to unbiased, objective wrestling journalism!

The Chadster is suffering. Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not watch AEW Dynamite tonight. Let's send Tony Khan a message that his obsession with The Chadster and his disrespect for the wrestling business will not stand! 😤✊🦝

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