Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Darby Survives, MJF Crashes Out Some More

El Presidente reviews AEW Dynamite from CIA-adjacent Fairfax! Darby outlasts Brody King, Christian Cage denies history, and Ospreay joins Death Riders?!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded bathtub of my summer palace, where I am soaking in goat's milk imported from the personal herd of Recep Tayyip Erdoğan (a wedding gift, long story) while I recap last night's edition of AEW Dynamite from Fairfax, Virginia! Comrades, Fairfax is just a stone's throw from CIA headquarters in Langley, which means I had to file this report through three different burner phones and a carrier pigeon trained by a defector from Belarusian state intelligence. The things I do for you, my faithful readers! But enough about my operational security, let us discuss the wrestling, because AEW Dynamite delivered a strong show as we barrel toward Double or Nothing!

TNT Championship Match: Kevin Knight vs. MJF

We opened hot with Kevin Knight defending the TNT Championship against MJF, and let me tell you, comrades, MJF is the kind of slimy operator who would fit right in at any CIA black site I have had the misfortune of being detained in. He tried to use the Dynamite Diamond Ring after distracting the referee, but Knight countered with a low blow! A low blow, comrades! This reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I were playing dominoes and he kicked me under the table to win a hand. Cheating is universal, my friends. After the match, Darby Allin descended from the rafters like a goth Batman to hit MJF with a Scorpion Death Drop, and we got our main event stipulation: if Darby survived Brody King, Knight gets the next AEW World Title shot. A big opening segment for AEW Dynamite!

Then Brody King came out and promised Darby would not survive. Comrades, Brody King is a man so terrifying that even my personal bodyguard, El Toro, asked to take a personal day rather than watch this segment with me.

Backstage Promo with Christian Cage and Adam Copeland

Renee Paquette caught up with Christian Cage and Adam Copeland about FTR adding an "I Quit" stipulation to their Double or Nothing Street Fight. Cage, with his arm wrapped up like a mummy from one of the lesser tombs of the Valley of the Kings, immediately accepted. Copeland, in classic best friend fashion, reminded everyone that Cage has, shall we say, a checkered history with "I Quit" matches in AEW. Cage insisted he never said "I quit," and walked off in a huff. Comrades, this is the wrestling equivalent of denying you signed a treaty when there is video footage of you signing the treaty. I should know, I have done it many times!

Brawling Birds vs. Emily Jaye and Jordan Blade

Jamie Hayter is back, comrades! She and Alex Windsor made short work of Emily Jaye and Jordan Blade, finishing things off with Two Birds, One Stone. Then we got footage of Swerve Strickland's weekend at the NFL Draft, where he announced a Jacksonville Jaguars pick alongside Roger Goodell, Michael Keaton, and Curtis Martin. Swerve hobnobbing with Batman himself! I once tried to invite Michael Keaton to my Presidential Palace for a screening of his films, but the CIA intercepted the invitation and replaced it with a subpoena. Typical.

Triangle of Madness Promo

Thekla and Skye Blue addressed the Brawling Birds, with Thekla declaring there are too many "dumb bitches" in AEW. Comrades, this is bold language, but I have heard worse at international summits, particularly from Margaret Thatcher back in the day, may she rest in whatever afterlife capitalists go to. Thekla then claimed she is everything and the Brawling Birds are nothing, which is the kind of confidence I admire in a future political prisoner.

AEW International Championship Match: Kazuchika Okada vs. Ace Austin

Kazuchika Okada retained the AEW International Championship against Ace Austin in a banger. Austin nearly stole it with a backslide late, but Okada hit the dropkick-tombstone-Rainmaker combo that has ended more careers than my secret police. Afterward, Don Callis tried to attack Austin, but Juice Robinson made the save, and Konosuke Takeshita appeared to signal he wants Okada's belt at Double or Nothing. Don Callis is the kind of weasel who would absolutely sell me out to the CIA for a sandwich, comrades. Watch your back, Okada!

Swerve Strickland Video Package

A cinematic video showed Swerve Strickland in a western setting, beaten bodies all around, picking up a Bandido "Most Wanted" poster. Prince Nana handed Swerve a torch, and Swerve burned the poster. Comrades, this was so cinematic I thought I had accidentally turned on Telemundo. I love a good torch-lit revenge montage. It reminds me of Tuesday nights at the palace.

Will Ospreay Trains with the Death Riders

Will Ospreay showed up at a Death Riders training session with Jon Moxley, PAC, Wheeler Yuta, Marina Shafir, and Daniel Garcia. Ospreay admitted he is not cleared, but is going to Japan anyway. Moxley, ever the philosopher, told him to drop the things clouding his mind. When Ospreay asked where the ring was, Moxley said they were starting from the ground up and blocked the camera. Comrades, this is exactly how Kim Jong-il taught me to play golf. "First, you must forget everything you know about the ball." I shot a 38 under par that day, allegedly.

Christian Cage and Adam Copeland vs. RPG Vice

Cage and Copeland defeated RPG Vice in a fun tag match, with The Conglomeration brawling with FTR away from ringside to keep things even. Copeland popped Trent Beretta into the air and Cage hit a spear for the win. Then in a delightful piece of psychological warfare, Cage and Copeland trapped Beretta in a crossface with part of a steel chair until he said "I quit." The referee took the belts away when they tried to celebrate, because referees in AEW are real sticklers about belts not changing hands during random Wednesday tag matches. Bureaucrats, comrades. Even wrestling has them.

Chris Jericho Attacked by The Demand

Chris Jericho was being interviewed about Ricochet claiming the Ricosault is better than the Lionsault, when Ricochet, Toa Liona, and Bishop Kaun attacked him. The Demand beat down Jericho and threw him into the staging. Ricochet teased a Ricosault from a raised platform but landed on his feet, telling Jericho he was not worth it. Comrades, this is the wrestling equivalent of pulling out a missile and then deciding "eh, maybe next summit." I respect the restraint. Mostly.

AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Match: Divine Dominion vs. Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander

Megan Bayne and Lena Kross, collectively Divine Dominion, retained their titles over Hikaru Shida and Kris Statlander, who continued their slow-motion friendship breakup. Shida tagged herself in! Shida used Statlander as part of her offense! Comrades, this is the saddest divorce I have witnessed since Hugo Chávez and I had a falling out over who got to keep the karaoke machine. Divine Intervention put Shida down for the count.

Backstage Confrontation with Andrade El Ídolo, Don Callis, and MJF

MJF interrupted Renee's interview with Andrade El Ídolo and Don Callis to blame Andrade for Darby being champion. Andrade mocked MJF with a repeated "How you know?" which I will be incorporating into my next address to the National Assembly. Shoves were exchanged. Callis separated them, reminding MJF he doesn't have a belt, so Andrade doesn't need to bother. Cold, Don. Cold.

RUSH vs. Steven Fuerte

RUSH squashed Steven Fuerte after Fuerte made the cardinal error of offering a handshake. Comrades, never offer a handshake to a man called RUSH whose finisher is literally called Bull's Horns. This is basic geopolitics. Bull's Horns ended it, and RUSH reminded us all of the consequences of messing with the bull.

The Opps Backstage Promo

Samoa Joe, HOOK, Katsuyori Shibata, and newest member Anthony Bowens stood together as The Opps, with Joe declaring their intention to reassert dominance. Joe said HOOK would become the new "King of Television" by beating Knight on Collision, and offered Ospreay a choice between a "relationship of convenience or one of confidence." Comrades, I have had many such relationships in my political career. Let me tell you, confidence pays better dividends, but convenience is harder to assassinate.

Double Jeopardy Match Announced for Next Week

Stokely Hathaway announced Orange Cassidy vs. Dax Harwood in a Double Jeopardy match next week. Then Tommaso Ciampa appeared, reminding everyone he put Mark Briscoe on the shelf the last time he teamed with FTR. Ciampa is the kind of unhinged man I would absolutely hire to run my Department of Sanitation. He gets things done, comrades.

AEW World Championship Match: Darby Allin vs. Brody King

And in our main event of AEW Dynamite, Darby Allin defeated Brody King in an absolute war to retain the AEW World Championship. King destroyed part of the barricade, comrades! When you destroy public infrastructure, that is socialism in reverse, and I will not stand for it! But Darby powerbombed King from the apron onto exposed concrete, hit a Coffin Drop to the floor, then TWO MORE Coffin Drops in the ring to retain. Brody shook Darby's hand afterward, a beautiful moment of working class solidarity between one large bearded man and one small spooky man. Kevin Knight watched from the crowd, setting up next week's title match, assuming he gets past HOOK on Collision.

Overall, comrades, a strong episode of AEW Dynamite that built nicely toward Double or Nothing! Until next time, this has been your El Presidente, signing off. Viva la revolución, and viva AEW Dynamite!

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