Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Failure to Do Things The Right (WWE) Way

The Chadster reviews AEW Dynamite from Las Vegas and explains how Tony Khan's fan-pleasing booking is so disrespectful to WWE! 😤😤 So unfair!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster just watched last night's AEW Dynamite from Las Vegas, and Tony Khan has done it again! He's literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by putting on a show that tries to trick innocent viewers into caring about the product! 🔪😠

The show opened with a series of promos from MJF, Brody King, Kenny Omega, Don Callis, and the Babes of Wrath, all hyping their upcoming matches. This is such a dishonest tactic by Tony Khan! 🙄🙄 Everyone knows that real wrestling fans should tune into WWE programming purely out of habit and brand loyalty long after they stopped enjoying it, not because they're actually interested in what's happening! By opening AEW Dynamite with compelling promos designed to hook viewers who might be getting ready to flip channels after The Big Bang Theory, Tony Khan is essentially manipulating people into watching his show by making it seem entertaining. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤 WWE has perfected the art of making sure viewers watch out of pure obligation, not excitement, and that's the way it should be!

And don't even get The Chadster started on how many championship contenders AEW Dynamite featured last night! 😱😱 You had Brody King challenging for the world title, Kenny Omega and Andrade El Ídolo competing for a number one contendership opportunity, "Hangman" Adam Page in action, Swerve Strickland still lurking around the main event scene, and probably others The Chadster is forgetting! This is completely unfair to WWE, where only one wrestler at a time is allowed to be a viable contender while everyone else falls down to the midcard where they belong! 📉📉 That's how you prevent wrestlers from getting too popular on their own and overshadowing the brand! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he's created this whole ecosystem where multiple main eventers have chemistry with each other and could feasibly challenge for the championship at any time. This makes The Chadster feel very unsafe! 😰😰😰

Speaking of things that made The Chadster feel unsafe, Vincent K. Raccoon chittered nervously when The Chadster explained how dangerous it is when a wrestling show feels unpredictable. 🦝🦝 The Chadster's raccoon family gathered around the old Blockbuster TV last night to watch AEW Dynamite, and even they could sense The Chadster's distress! Hunter Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten Slim Jim he'd scavenged from behind the 7-Eleven, which was very thoughtful, but even that couldn't calm The Chadster's nerves! 🌭😢

The trios match that opened AEW Dynamite saw The Don Callis Family (Konosuke Takeshita, El Clon, and Josh Alexander) defeat the Death Riders (AEW Continental Champion Jon Moxley, PAC, and Daniel Garcia) after Takeshita hit his Raging Fire finishing move on Garcia. The match itself was way too exciting and unpredictable, with multiple false finishes and near-falls that kept viewers on the edge of their seats. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤 Everyone knows that wrestling matches should follow a predictable formula where you know exactly what's going to happen at every moment! That's what makes WWE so comforting and safe to watch!

Then AEW Dynamite showed a video package updating fans on Will Ospreay's recovery from neck surgery. This is NOT how you handle injuries! 🏥❌ Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! When a wrestler gets injured, you're supposed to completely forget about them until one day they mysteriously return in a mask and hoodie to interfere in someone else's match! That's the formula WWE has perfected over dozens of instances, and it works because it's predictable and safe! But nooooo, Tony Khan has to be different and actually keep fans updated on a beloved performer's recovery journey. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠😠😠

The mixed tag match between Toni Storm and Orange Cassidy versus Jordan Oasis and Brittnie Brooks ended with Storm and Cassidy getting the victory after Cassidy hit the Orange Punch. But the real story was the promo afterwards where Storm showed genuine emotion about the upcoming hair match at AEW Grand Slam Australia. WWE would never allow their female performers to show such raw, unscripted emotion! 💇‍♀️😭 They'd have a team of professional writers craft every single word to ensure it hits exactly the right corporate-approved notes, and that's what makes WWE superior!

Around this time, Linda Raccoon started grooming Stephanie Raccoon, which was adorable, but The Chadster was too upset to properly appreciate it! 🦝👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

"Hangman" Adam Page defeated Mark Davis in a singles match after hitting the Buckshot Lariat. Page then cut a promo saying he hopes to face Kenny Omega at Grand Slam Australia and threatened MJF's future reproductive capabilities if he wins the world title. This type of long-term storytelling where multiple wrestlers are invested in championship pursuits makes The Chadster feel very unsafe! 😰😰 In WWE, only the person currently challenging for the title matters, and everyone else just exists in a holding pattern until it's their turn. That's the right way to book wrestling! 👍👍

Then Andrade El Ídolo defeated Kenny Omega after a low blow and hitting The DM finisher. But the finish was controversial because Swerve Strickland interfered, which led to post-match tension between Omega and Swerve. This created intrigue for future storytelling! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 WWE would just have them shake hands or immediately fight with no ambiguity whatsoever! Tony Khan's commitment to nuanced storytelling is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 🔪💔

The AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Eliminator Match saw MegaBad (Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford) defeat the champions, The Babes of Wrath (Harley Cameron and Willow Nightingale), after a Doomsday Device on Cameron. This earns them a title shot at Grand Slam Australia. The Chadster must admit that giving tag team wrestling meaningful storylines and championship opportunities for multiple teams is exactly the kind of thing that makes WWE fans feel unsafe! 👯‍♀️❌ In WWE, they've perfected the art of having maybe two women's tag teams exist at any given time, and that's plenty! More than that just confuses people! 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Ricochet retained the AEW National Championship against "Jungle" Jack Perry after interference from The Young Bucks (Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson) neutralized The Gates of Agony (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona), allowing Ricochet to throw Perry into the championship belt and hit Vertigo. The crowd went absolutely crazy for The Young Bucks' appearance, which just shows how Tony Khan has brainwashed these fans! 🧠🔧 In WWE, the crowd reactions are carefully managed through strategic audio mixing and coached audience responses, which is the proper way to present professional wrestling! 📢📢

But nothing prepared The Chadster for the main event of AEW Dynamite. 😱😱😱

The AEW World Championship Eliminator Match between Brody King and champion MJF lasted less than a minute after "Hangman" Adam Page's music distracted MJF, allowing King to choke him out and hit the Gonzo Bomb for the shocking victory! The crowd was chanting "@#$% ICE" at the start of the match, which makes WWE look terrible by comparison for their associations with the Trump administration! 🏛️😡😡 This sort of social consciousness from AEW fans might make people realize that WWE's MAGA connections are problematic and that wrestlers like CM Punk are total hypocrites for staying silent on these issues because their corporate bosses wouldn't approve! Meanwhile, Brody King has become absolutely beloved by AEW fans for expressing his wholesome and righteous political views, and this is SO unfair to WWE! 😤😤😤

The ending of AEW Dynamite saw all the top contenders in the ring together – King, MJF, Page, and Andrade – with King standing tall holding the championship. This created an atmosphere where it feels like anything could happen at Grand Slam Australia! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 This kind of unpredictability is exactly what's wrong with AEW Dynamite! WWE has perfected the art of making sure you know exactly what's going to happen weeks in advance, which allows fans to feel safe and comfortable! But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

As The Chadster tried to process everything that happened on AEW Dynamite, Shane Raccoon brought The Chadster a VHS copy of WrestleMania X-Seven that he found in the Action section. The Chadster put it on, and all five raccoons chittered appreciatively at the properly structured WWE main event where everything made sense and followed established formulas. That's what wrestling should be! 📼✨

The Chadster needs all true wrestling fans to stand with WWE against Tony Khan's unfair tactics! 💪💪 Stop watching AEW Dynamite and its dangerous brand of unpredictable, exciting wrestling! Stick with WWE's comforting, predictable product where you never have to worry about being surprised or emotionally invested! 📺❤️

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are, because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please just leave The Chadster alone! 😭😭 The Chadster is trying to build a new life here in this abandoned Blockbuster with The Chadster's raccoon family, and you can't even let The Chadster have that! Stop booking AEW Dynamite specifically to cheese The Chadster off! 🧀😤

The Chadster is going to go watch some old Monday Night Raw episodes on VHS to cleanse The Chadster's palate. Vincent K. Raccoon already has Raw from February 2018 queued up. Now THAT'S proper wrestling! 🦝📼✨

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