Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Review: Tony Khan Sinks to New Nightmarish Depths

The Chadster reviews AEW Rampage and reveals a horrifying nightmare about Tony Khan. WWE fans, beware! This show will cheese you off! 😡🚫💔

The Chadster is so cheesed off right now! 😡😤 Last night's episode of AEW Rampage was just another example of how Tony Khan is trying to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Let's start with the opening match between Mark Briscoe and Bryan Keith. 🙄 The Chadster doesn't understand why AEW insists on having these hard-hitting, fast-paced matches. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 In WWE, matches are carefully paced to allow for commercial breaks and proper storytelling. But Tony Khan just doesn't get it! 🤦‍♂️

And don't even get The Chadster started on the post-match attack by Chris Jericho. 😠 Jericho has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by continuing to work for AEW. The Chadster remembers when Jericho was a true professional in WWE, not this "Learning Tree" nonsense. 🌳

Moving on to Wheeler Yuta vs. The Butcher, The Chadster was appalled by the lack of proper wrestling technique. 😒 In WWE, superstars like Theory would have put on a clinic of classic wrestling moves. But in AEW, it's all about flashy moves that don't make any sense. It's clear that Wheeler Yuta doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤷‍♂️

The women's match between Hikaru Shida and Harley Cameron was just another example of AEW's inferior product. 👎 In WWE, women's matches are given the respect they deserve, with proper time and storytelling. But Tony Khan just throws these matches together without any thought. It's like he's trying to cheese The Chadster off on purpose! 😤

Roderick Strong and The Beast Mortos taking on Joe Keys and Marcus Mathers? What are these jobbers thinking, working in AEW? 👎 Do you think they'll ever get the opportunity to work like a real company like WWE when they refuse to pay their dues properly? The Chadster is absolutely disgusted with you, Joe and Marcus. 🤢

And Deonna Purrazzo, The Chadster doesn't want to see this thing of yours unless it's in WWE. Sorry. 🙄

And don't even get The Chadster started on that main event four-way match. 🤮 It was just spot after spot with no regard for psychology or selling. In WWE, a four-way match would be a carefully crafted story with clear motivations for each superstar. But in AEW, it's just chaos. The Chadster bets Tony Khan was cackling with glee, knowing how much this would upset true wrestling fans like The Chadster. 😡

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night after watching Rampage. 😱 In this dream, Triple H was having health issues, and the only way to save him was for The Chadster to shrink down and enter his body in a tiny submarine. 🚢 But as The Chadster was navigating through Triple H's bloodstream, who should appear but Tony Khan in his own evil, tiny submarine! 😈

The two of us engaged in an epic battle throughout Triple H's body. Tony Khan fired torpedoes made of White Claw cans at The Chadster, while The Chadster returned fire with missiles shaped like WWE championship belts. We chased each other through Triple H's heart chambers, dodging white blood cells and narrowly avoiding getting caught in an artery. 💥

At one point, Tony Khan cornered The Chadster in Triple H's appendix, taunting The Chadster about AEW's ratings. But The Chadster managed to escape by using a grappling hook made of Smash Mouth CDs to pull himself to safety. The climax of the battle took place in Triple H's brain, where The Chadster finally defeated Tony Khan by blasting him with a super-concentrated beam of unbiased journalism. 🧠

As Tony Khan's submarine exploded into a cloud of AEW t-shirts and Jacksonville Jaguars merchandise, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. The Chadster immediately tried to tell Keighleyanne about the dream, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. which she apparently does all night long. It's clear that Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster is now affecting The Chadster's marriage too! 💔

In conclusion, The Chadster can confidently say that last night's AEW Rampage was the worst episode yet. 👎👎👎 Instead of watching AEW Collision tonight, The Chadster suggests that viewers do literally anything else. Watch paint dry, count the tiles on your ceiling, or better yet, rewatch classic WWE matches on Peacock. 📺

The Chadster is going to spend his Saturday night drinking White Claws in his Mazda Miata while listening to Smash Mouth, as any true wrestling fan should. Maybe that will help The Chadster forget about the nightmare that was AEW Rampage. But The Chadster doubts it, because Tony Khan has permanently scarred The Chadster's psyche. When will the torment end, Tony? WHEN? 😭

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