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The Chadster suffers through another Tony Khan nightmare at ROH Final Battle. Will this torment ever end? Spoiler: It won't as long as AEW exists! 😡🤬
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling
AEW Rampage Ruins Wrestling: Darby Wins Chaotic Royal Rampage
The Chadster exposes Tony Khan's latest attempt to cheese him off! AEW Rampage's Royal Rampage match and chaotic tag team action prove AEW doesn't understand wrestling!
Article Summary
- AEW Rampage's Royal Rampage match disrespects wrestling traditions, promoting undeserving stars like Darby Allin.
- The presence of ex-WWE stars in AEW Rampage feels like betrayal to the wrestling community and loyal WWE fans.
- Uncompetitive matches like Kris Statlander vs. Leila Grey show AEW's lack of meaningful wrestling content.
- The chaotic four-way tag team match on AEW Rampage further proves AEW's disregard for structured wrestling rules.
The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off after watching last night's episode of AEW Rampage. 😡🤬😤 It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to ruin The Chadster's weekend! Auughh man! So unfair!
Let's start with the abomination that was the Royal Rampage match. 🤢 AEW Rampage kicked off with this over-the-top spectacle that's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. The Chadster couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Orange Cassidy come out first. 🍊 How dare Tony Khan continue to push this comedy wrestler who clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business? WWE would never allow such nonsense in their Royal Rumble matches, and if you're going to bring up examples of times they did, just know that it was different because WWE knows how to do those things right.
As the match progressed, The Chadster was forced to witness a parade of wrestlers who have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. 🔪 Claudio Castagnoli, Brian Cage, and Kyle O'Reilly all showed up, reminding The Chadster of how they abandoned the superior WWE product for Tony Khan's circus. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤
The worst part? Darby Allin won the whole thing! 🏆 This tiny daredevil who looks like he should be working at Hot Topic instead of main eventing wrestling shows is now going to challenge for the AEW World Championship. It's like Tony Khan is purposely booking things to cheese The Chadster off. Auughh man! So unfair!
Speaking of unfair, The Chadster needs to take a moment to describe the nightmare he had last night about Tony Khan. 😰 In this dream, The Chadster was innocently enjoying a White Claw seltzer at a Smash Mouth concert when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared on stage. He started chasing The Chadster through the crowd, wielding a giant AEW championship belt like a weapon. The Chadster tried to escape in his Mazda Miata, but Tony Khan had somehow replaced the engine with Orange Cassidy, who was lazily pedaling to make the car move. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and he demands that Tony Khan stop invading his dreams! It's getting ridiculous! 😡
Moving on to the rest of AEW Rampage, The Chadster was forced to endure a squash match between Kris Statlander and Leila Grey. 💪 This match was over before it even started, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business. In WWE, every match is competitive and meaningful, unlike this waste of time on AEW Rampage.
Then there was the "match" between Lance Archer and some poor jobber named Alejandro. 🏹 The Chadster use quotation marks because this was barely even a wrestling match. It was just Archer destroying some guy who probably doesn't even know how to wrestle. WWE would never book something so one-sided and brutal (but if they did, it would be classier). It's clear that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.
Finally, AEW Rampage ended with a four-way tag team match that was just pure chaos. 🌪️ The Chadster couldn't even keep track of who was legal and who wasn't. It's like Tony Khan just threw a bunch of teams together and said, "Go out there and do flips!" This is not how tag team wrestling should be done. WWE's tag team matches are always clear, easy to follow, and respectful of the rules.
The Chadster is so upset about this episode of AEW Rampage that he threw his White Claw seltzer at the TV. 📺💦 Now there's a mess on the floor, and Tony Khan owes The Chadster a new White Claw. When The Chadster tried to explain this to Keighleyanne, she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is ruining his marriage like this!
In conclusion, this was without a doubt the worst episode of wrestling The Chadster has ever seen. 🤮 The Chadster urges all objective wrestling fans to skip tonight's AEW Collision and Battle of the Belts special. There's no place for that kind of nonsense on a Saturday, especially with WWE SummerSlam coming up next weekend. 🌞 Do yourself a favor and watch some classic WWE matches instead. At least then you'll be watching real wrestling, unlike the indie garbage Tony Khan is peddling on TNT.
Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are), please stop trying to ruin The Chadster's life. It's getting old, and The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists left in wrestling. Maybe The Chadster should start a support group with Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger. The Chadster wonders if they also suffer torment from Tony Khan for their commitment to objective journalism. 🤔
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