Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: bryan danielson, wrestling

Bryan Danielson Joins AEW Commentary Team Permanently

Comrades! Your El Presidente reports that The American Dragon Bryan Danielson will permanently join AEW Dynamite's commentary team starting this Wednesday!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground wrestling viewing bunker, located 500 feet beneath my presidential palace's swimming pool filled with champagne (the cheap stuff – we can't have the proletariat thinking their hero is getting a little too bougie). Today, I bring you news that has shaken the very foundations of professional wrestling commentary, much like the time the CIA tried to sabotage my national broadcasting tower by replacing all our microphones with exploding cigars!

Tony Khan, the capitalist billionaire who somehow runs the most socialist-friendly wrestling company in America (the irony is not lost on me, comrades), has made an announcement that would make even my good friend Kim Jong-un put down his binoculars and pay attention. The American Dragon, Bryan Danielson, will become a permanent fixture on the AEW Dynamite commentary team starting this Wednesday!

Comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with The American CIA, it's this: when a warrior can no longer fight at full strength, he must find new ways to contribute to the revolution! And Bryan Danielson, whose body has endured more punishment than my opponent in last year's election after being sent to a reeducation camp, has found his new calling behind the commentary desk.

Just last week, I was sharing a bottle of vodka with my dear friend Vladimir Putin while watching old Bryan Danielson matches on my solid gold television set (a gift from Gaddafi, may he rest in peace). Putin turned to me and said, "El Presidente, this American Dragon reminds me of a young me – technically proficient, beloved by the masses, and slightly unhinged." I had to agree, though I pointed out that Bryan never rode a bear shirtless, though he did once wrestle one, which Putin claimed was "fake news" spread by the Western media.

The addition of Danielson to the commentary team is a masterstroke of socialist redistribution of talent, comrades! Here we have a man who has given his body to the entertainment of the masses, now transitioning to educate and enlighten the proletariat about the technical aspects of professional wrestling. It's like when Che Guevara retired from leading revolutions and became the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine – except Bryan's commentary will likely contain significantly more attempts to rationalize the physics of Canadian Destroyers.

I must confess, comrades, that this news brings a tear to my eye – the same eye that the CIA once tried to poison with tainted eye drops during my state visit to a Texas wrestling convention. Bryan Danielson on commentary means we will hear insights from one of the greatest technical wrestlers of all time, a man who understands the sport like I understand embezzling state funds… I mean, managing the people's resources for the greater good!

The timing of this announcement is particularly interesting, as it comes just as AEW continues to experience a creative renaissance. Adding Bryan to the mix is like adding a veteran general to your revolutionary council – sure, he might not be leading the charge into battle anymore, but his strategic mind and experience are invaluable. It reminds me of when my old friend Saddam Hussein appointed his favorite wrestler as Minister of Youth and Sports. That didn't end well, but I'm sure this will be different!

As I sit here in my bunker, surrounded by portraits of myself in various wrestling poses (my finishing move is called "The Coup d'État," naturally), I cannot help but feel optimistic about this development. Bryan Danielson joining the AEW commentary team permanently is proof that even in the capitalist wasteland of American television, the spirit of collective improvement lives on! His insights into the sport will enrich the viewing experience for all the comrades watching at home on their legally acquired cable connections, as well as those whose signal comes directly from an old Soviet spy satellite, not that I'm admitting to any wrongdoing.

Until next time, comrades, this is your El Presidente, reminding you to seize the means of television production and never trust a CIA agent bearing gift baskets! Viva la revolución, and viva Bryan Danielson on commentary!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!