Since the formation of AEW, Tony Khan has made it his mission to make The Chadster's life miserable. Largely, he's succeeded. The Chadster hasn't has sexual intercourse with his wife in six months. The Chadster has been sexually impotent since AEW won the Wednesday Night Wars and chased The Chadster's beloved WWE NXT off of Wednesday nights. But The Chadster didn't think that even Tony Khan could sink to low as to put a free Bryan Danielson vs. Minoru Suzuki match for free on YouTube to compete with Smackdown when Smackdown is at a disadvantage, airing on FS1 this week. But that's what Tony Khan did, and The Chadster doesn't want to hear any excuses, like that WWE extended Smackdown by a half hour to compete with AEW Rampage first. WWE has earned that right by being the number one wrestling company in the world for decades. What has AEW ever done?
So yes, The Chadster was upset going into AEW Rampage this week, especially since Bleeding Cool TV editor Ray Flook, who is in cahoots with Tony Khan to ruin The Chadster's life, told The Chadster that The Chadster would have to watch Rampage and the Buy-In and cover it for Bleeding Cool, forcing The Chadster to miss an hour of Smackdown. Forcing The Chadster to betray his beloved WWE like that is an act of pure evil, but that's what The Chadster has come to expect from Ray Flook and his friend Tony Khan. There's no end to their cruelty.
Luckily, despite all of this adversity, The Chadster remains more committed than ever to providing the internet's only truly unbiased wrestling journalism. With that in mind, here's everything The Chadster hated about AEW Rampage.
Everything The Chadster Hated About AEW Rampage
First of all, The Chadster absolutely hated The Buy-In, which aired on YouTube. Here are the results:
Tay Conti beat Santana Garrett. Conti is yet another example of AEW thinking they know better than WWE, taking a wrestler fired by the company and trying to make her into a star. It's so disrespectful to Vince McMahon, who made wrestling what it is today.
Bobby Fish beat Lee Moriarty. See above. Once again, Tony Khan thinks he knows better than Vince McMahon. The Chadster means, come on! On the other hand, it would also be disrespectful of WWE to elevate a home-grown star over one that came from WWE, so The Chadster guesses he's glad Fish won.
Bryan Danielson beat Minoru Suzuki. The Chadster was already really cheesed off that he had to miss The Usos vs. The Street Profits for this. The Chadster has only seen The Usos face the Street Profits one or two dozen times, so this was a huge missed opportunity. But cheesing The Chadster off even more, it turns out this was a great match. The crowd was so into it. They were eating everything up and giving credence to AEW's new catchphrase that it's the home of professional wrestling. Auughh! Who wants to see professional wrestling when they could watch the superior sports entertainment? That's what The Chadster wants to know.
But The Chadster hated the main card of AEW Rampage even more than The Buy-In!
CM Punk beat Matt Sydal in another very good match to open the show. Punk is really trying to get old school fundamentals over, and he relied heavily on the body slam in this match. Personally, The Chadster finds a focus on fundamental wrestling to be extremely unfair. Getting fans to understand psychology just makes it harder for everyone else. Doesn't AEW understand that?! No, what is The Chadster thinking? Tony Khan doesn't understand anything about the wrestling business. That's never been clearer.
The Dark Order cut a promo and said they'll have Hangman Page's back.
Ruby Soho beat The Bunny in a match that The Chadster personally found really disrespectful to WWE. WWE is working hard to get over its new style of women's matches, which is a lot like their Divas era of women's matches. Why would AEW undermine that by putting on good matches like this? Auughh! It's so unfair!
The Inner Circle faced Men of the Year and Junior dos Santos in what was the most disrespectful and unfair match of the night. How dare a former UFC Champion lend credibility to AEW by competing in a match? Dos Santos's presence gave this whole match a big fight feel, which The Chadster really hated. The heels won after the rest of American Top team interefered and Jorge Masvidal hit Jericho with a running knee strike behind the referee's back.
The Chadster doesn't expect anything less than a targeted, personal attack on The Chadster and everything he believes in every time he tunes in to AEW. Even still, it doesn't lessen the pain when Tony Khan puts on a show like this week's that not only hurts The Chadster's heart by delivering great wrestling that entertains the crowd, but that actively damages The Chadster's beloved WWE at the same time. The Chadster was so sad after watching this show, and The Chadster thinks he'll probably be impotent for another six months at least after this. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan. The Chadster hopes you're happy.