Pauly D and Nikki Hall are not engaged. I repeat, comrades: Pauly and Nikki are not engaged. Despite last week's cliffhanger, it turns out it wasn't a diamond ring Pauly got down on one knee and pulled out of his pocket to present to Nikki. Instead, inside the jewelry box was Pauly's Ring Doorbell code. It wasn't a proposal, but from a commitmentphobe like Pauly D, it may be the next best thing. And Nikki took the prank with grace on this week's episode of MTV's Jersey Shore: Family Vacation.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, back once again with my thoughts on the greatest show on television, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. Following last week's mid-season premiere, this week's episode was very Situation-centric, focusing on Mike's 5-year soberversary. But that doesn't mean there weren't other surprises in store for viewers this week.
The storyline involving Angelina and Chris's failing marriage advanced this week as Mike introduced his new alter ego, The Investigation, teaming with Vinny to put together the clues and figure out what's going on. Not that it was a tough case to crack — obviously, the couple are having serious issues — but you have to grade on a curve when you're talking about the Jersey Shore guidos, know what I mean, amigos?
While Mike's detective skills may leave something to be desired, comrades, his skills as a therapist are far better. It didn't take long after Mike decided to pay Angelina a visit for him to get to the bottom of the issue. Chris, it seems, has moved out, and Angelina took that very personally. The Staten Island Dump broke down, revealing she's suffered from abandonment issues since her father walked out on her as a child. It always comes down to daddy issues, comrades. The entire reason I wanted to become a dictator is that my father didn't love me. That's why I had him executed when I came to power. Haw haw haw!
As the theme of Mike's soberversary continued, we also got to see another glimpse of Mike's role as a speaker at rehabs and treatment centers, as he received a plaque from one facility celebrating his anniversary and his work. Though Jersey Shore: Family Vacation may feel a lot more scripted than the original run of the show, the moments where we see Mike working with recovering addicts are some of the realest on the show, and he has truly earned the respect of the roommates for the way he turned his life around.
"He works at it," Vinny acknowledged as the roommates discussed how great a relationship Mike maintains with everyone. No one understands the work Mike puts in like your El Presidente, comrades. People are always saying to me, "Your Excellency, how is it you maintain such a good relationship with all of your loyal subjects, even with the American CIA tirelessly working to destabilize your regime." And to that, comrades, I say: it is all about listening. And then, if you hear someone saying something out of line, having your secret police arrest them in the middle of the night and imprisoning their entire family in a reeducation camp. But mostly it is the listening. Haw haw haw haw!
The climax of the episode centered around the soberversary party (or "sobervesary," as Deena spelled it on her sign), as Lauren organized a zoom call with West Coasters Ronnie and Pauly while the East Coast roommates secretly decorated their cars for a COVID drive-by party. It's not clear why, considering they all got out of their cars and congregated maskless anyway, but sometimes you have to blur the lines of reality for TV, comrades. Though Pauly and Ronnie couldn't make it in person, they did send a van with a giant screen on the side to play a video message, and then sent a food truck to indulge Mike's replacement addiction.
In the grand finale, one last car arrived while the roomies were eating, and from it emerged a Snooki, returning after taking off the first half of Season 4 due to the girls' feud with Angelina. Though the bridge has been repaired between most of the roommates, Angelina's face when Snooki arrived shows there's still more work to do on that front. But Angelina may not have time for that, as a preview for next week's episode shows drama surrounding Angelina caught on camera with another man.
And there's also J-Woww's looming engagement to 24 to come, as the roommates foreshadowed on tonight's episode by guessing Jenny will never get engaged again. Haven't you seen the commercials, comrades? Haw haw haw haw! Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!
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