Posted in: Nerd Food, Pop Culture, Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: John Cena, McDonald's, wrestling

John Cena and McDonalds Form Tag Team Against High Fast Food Prices

Comrades! El Presidente reports on John Cena's alliance with McDonald's new McValue menu. Witness the revolution of affordable fast food and CIA-approved savings!

Greetings, my beloved comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret underground bunker beneath a McDonald's PlayPlace in Havana. Today, I bring you news that will shake the very foundations of capitalism and make even the most hardened CIA operatives weep with envy! Prepare yourselves, for the Golden Arches have aligned with none other than the Invisible Man himself, John Cena, to launch a new menu that threatens to topple the bourgeois notion of overpriced fast food! Yes, comrades, the McValue menu has arrived, and it promises to bring more savings to the proletariat than my own socialist paradise ever could!

Now, you may wonder, "El Presidente, how can this be? Surely, this is another capitalist ploy!" But I assure you, my friends, this new menu is a revolution in affordable dining. It reminds me of the time I shared a Big Mac with my old comrade Fidel Castro while plotting to overthrow the tyranny of overpriced french fries. Ah, those were the days!

But let us focus on the present, comrades. This new McValue menu offers a "Buy One, Add One for $1" deal that would make even Karl Marx smile with approval. Imagine, for just one additional dollar, you can double your proletariat feast! It's like when I convinced the CIA that I needed two presidential palaces instead of one – except this time, it's the people who benefit!

And what's this? A $5 Meal Deal? Why, that's less than the cost of bribing a low-level government official in my glorious nation! Truly, McDonald's is bringing the revolution to the masses, one discounted burger at a time.

But wait, there's more! (As the capitalist pig dogs like to say in their infomercials.) Every Friday in 2025, you can get free medium fries with a $1 purchase. It's like they're giving away the means of production, comrades! And new users of their mobile app can even score a free McCrispy chicken sandwich. It's almost as if Ronald McDonald himself has embraced the tenets of wealth redistribution!

Now, you may be asking, "El Presidente, what does John Cena have to do with all this?" Well, my friends, it seems that the master of invisibility has materialized to become the face of this proletariat-friendly menu. As Cena himself says, "I always talk about 'earning my sunset' and there's nothing like heading to McDonald's after completely crushing your day."

Ah, John Cena, you remind me of myself after a long day of thwarting CIA assassination attempts and nationalizing foreign-owned businesses. Nothing satisfies quite like a discounted meal from the capitalist machine we swore to destroy!

But the revolution doesn't stop there, comrades! McDonald's is offering more than just food deals. They're partnering with other brands to give away over $3 million in promotional offers. Free YouTube TV? Wi-Fi on American Airlines? Tinder Gold Premium Access? It's as if they're trying to distract us from overthrowing the system by showering us with bourgeois luxuries!

I must admit, this reminds me of the time I tried to placate the masses by giving away free cable TV subscriptions. Little did they know, every channel was just footage of me giving inspirational speeches! But I digress.

Comrades, I implore you to take advantage of these deals while they last. After all, who knows when the CIA might convince McDonald's to retract these people-friendly offers? As we say in my glorious socialist paradise, "Seize the means of fast food production while the iron is hot and the fries are crispy!"

In conclusion, my dear comrades, this new McValue menu is a step towards the fast food utopia we've all been dreaming of. It's almost enough to make me consider allowing a McDonald's franchise to open in my country. Almost.

So, go forth, my friends! Mix and match your meals, indulge in the Buy One, Add One for $1 deals, and show John Cena that we, too, can crush our days and earn our sunsets – all while saving a few capitalist dollars in the process!

This is El Presidente, signing off from the ball pit of revolution. May your fries be crispy and your savings plentiful! Viva la McValue!

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