Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Ridge Holland, wrestling

Ridge Holland, Still Injured, Announces WWE Won't Renew Contract

Ridge Holland announces WWE won't renew his contract while he's still injured and unable to work. El Presidente weighs in on this capitalist cruelty!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my newly renovated hot tub shaped like a championship belt, and I have some unfortunate news from the world of professional wrestling that has left me more disappointed than the time Fidel Castro beat me at arm wrestling using what he claimed was "superior Cuban training" but which I am certain involved some kind of performance-enhancing cigars.

Ridge Holland, the powerhouse wrestler who has been sidelined with injury, has announced via social media that WWE will not be renewing his contract when it expires on November 14th. Comrades, this is the kind of news that makes El Presidente want to nationalize the entire sports entertainment industry! Let me share with you Holland's full statement, which arrived with all the emotional impact of a steel chair to the feelings:

I've been informed that WWE will not be renewing my contract when it ends on November 14th. WWE are still going to cover my rehab from injury but my guaranteed pay will end, quite frustrating to say the least as I cannot work for another 6 months due to the aforementioned injury, with a family of 5 to support.

My career with WWE has been blighted by misfortune but I'm still thankful and grateful for the opportunity and experience. The shining light that has always kept me going is the HUGE support from a handful of special human beings.

Thank you.

I'm unsure what lies ahead of me in terms of wrestling but going forward I will be working hard to heal up and in that time I will be launching my own online coaching business…..so stay tuned.

Cheers

Comrades, this situation reminds me of the time I was dining with Kim Jong-un, and he told me about how in North Korea, they take care of their wrestlers even when they're injured. "El Presidente," he said between bites of his seventeen-course meal, "we would never abandon someone just because they got hurt doing their job!" Of course, I pointed out that technically they only have three wrestlers in North Korea and they're all related to him, but the principle stands!

Now, I must give credit where credit is due – at least WWE is continuing to cover Holland's medical rehabilitation. This is more than The American CIA ever did for me after that incident with the exploding cigar and the mechanical bull at a Texas rodeo (long story, comrades). However, and here is where El Presidente must climb upon his soapbox made of seized capitalist property, in a proper socialist healthcare system, this would not even be an issue! Ridge Holland would receive full medical care regardless of his employment status, and he wouldn't have to worry about supporting his family of five while recovering from an injury sustained while making money for a multi-billion dollar corporation!

The situation is particularly frustrating because Holland cannot work for another six months due to his injury. Imagine, comrades – you break your body entertaining millions of people worldwide, making your employer countless dollars in merchandise sales and television rights, and then when you need them most, your guaranteed pay disappears faster than evidence of election tampering in one of El Presidente's famous "99.8% approval rating" victories!

Holland's career with WWE has, by his own admission, been "blighted by misfortune," yet he maintains a gracious and thankful attitude. This kind of class and professionalism is admirable, comrades. It reminds me of when Muammar Gaddafi once told me, "El Presidente, sometimes you get the revolution, and sometimes the revolution gets you." Wise words from a man who knew something about both triumph and setback, though perhaps we should have listened more carefully to that second part.

What truly warms El Presidente's heart is Holland's acknowledgment of the "HUGE support from a handful of special human beings." This, comrades, is what makes the wrestling business beautiful – the solidarity between workers… err, I mean performers! This is the kind of mutual aid and support that would make Che Guevara shed a single, perfectly socialist tear.

Now, here is where El Presidente must speak plainly, without the usual humor and charm that makes me so beloved by my people (at gunpoint… I mean, by choice!): WWE's decision to release an injured performer is shameful. There is no other word for it. To cut someone loose while they are physically unable to compete, unable to earn a living doing what they've trained their entire life to do, while they have a family to support – this is capitalism at its most cold-blooded.

If there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with the CIA, it's that loyalty should flow in both directions. When your people – whether they are citizens, soldiers, or professional wrestlers – give everything for your cause, you don't abandon them the moment they can no longer produce. Well, unless you're a heartless corporate entity more concerned with quarterly profits than human dignity, but I digress!

Ridge Holland has shown tremendous resilience in the face of this setback, announcing plans to launch his own online coaching business while he recovers. This entrepreneurial spirit is exactly what El Presidente admires! Taking control of your own destiny, building something for yourself rather than depending on the whims of corporate overlords – this is practically revolutionary, comrades! Though of course, in a truly socialist system, we would collectively own the coaching business and distribute the profits equally among… but I'm getting off track.

To Ridge Holland, El Presidente wishes you the speediest of recoveries and the brightest of futures. May your injury heal completely, may your online coaching business thrive beyond your wildest dreams, and may you find a wrestling promotion that values you not just for what you can do for them, but as a human being worthy of respect and dignity. You have shown grace under pressure that would make even the most seasoned dictator jealous – and believe me, I've made several of them quite jealous over the years, particularly after that time I won the "Best Beach Body" award at the Non-Aligned Nations summit.

As for WWE, perhaps this is a moment for reflection. In the words of the great philosopher and occasional guest at my summer palace, Bryan Danielson: "YES! YES! YES!" you have the financial resources to support injured performers, and "NO! NO! NO!" you shouldn't be cutting them loose just because they temporarily can't perform. The optics alone are worse than the time I accidentally livestreamed my secret police training exercise and had to convince everyone it was just an enthusiastic CrossFit class.

Comrades, let this be a lesson to all of us: workers of the wrestling world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your… well, apparently your contracts when you get injured. But seriously, the treatment of performers in professional wrestling needs to be better across the board. Healthcare should be guaranteed, injury protection should be comprehensive, and no one should face financial uncertainty because they got hurt doing their job.

Ridge Holland, your journey continues, and El Presidente will be watching with great interest. May your recovery be swift, your business ventures successful, and may you return to that squared circle stronger than ever. And when you do, may you find a home that treats you with the respect and security you deserve.

Until next time, comrades, this is El Presidente signing off from my hot tub, where I am now going to soak away the sadness of this news while planning my takeover of… I mean, while peacefully contemplating the wrestling business!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva Ridge Holland!

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