Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey's steam room where I am discussing a part-time job as a Twitter moderator so I can help ban Donald Trump's alt accounts. But I'm here to tell you about updates to upcoming WWE events after last night's episode of WWE Smackdown, including a main event match set for next Monday's episode of WWE Raw and a new Universal Championship match set for the Royal Rumble later this month.
My friends, WWE is always looking to provide the hottest matchups, matchups people have never seen before. Or at least, matches people haven't seen in the last 60 days. And so, the WWE Championship feud of August to November is back as Randy Orton faces Drew McIntire on WWE Raw next Monday. WWE revealed the matchup in a commercial that aired during Smackdown last night.
Also on WWE Smackdown last night, Adam Pearce defeated Shinsuke Nakamura at the end of a six-man gauntlet match to become the number one contender for the Universal Championship. Yes, that may sound absolutely crazy, but you see, my friends, this was a plan by Roman Reigns to get his hands on Pearce in the ring and punish him for not doing Roman's bidding. Frankly, this is not a bad strategy at all. I used this all the time with my political rivals, getting them into position to face me in elections as a trick so I could have them jailed. Haw haw haw haw!
That's not all though. We also learned on WWE Smackdown last night that Bayley and Bianca Belair, as well as Otis, will enter the Royal Rumble later this month. Until next time: socialism or death.