Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw on Netflix Debut Preview: Auughh Man! So Fair!

The Chadster previews WWE Raw's Netflix debut! 🎉 CM Punk vs Rollins, Reigns vs Sikoa, and more! 😍 Tony Khan could never match this epic card! 🔥 Tune in or you're cheesing off The Chadster! 😤

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed up right now! 🧀 Tony Khan and AEW have been living rent-free in The Chadster's head for months, but tonight, The Chadster will finally get some sweet relief. That's right, wrestling fans, it's time for the biggest event in television history: the premiere of WWE Raw on Netflix! 🎉📺

First of all, The Chadster has to point out how pathetic it is that AEW is streaming on MAX. 😂 It's like Tony Khan doesn't even understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Netflix is where it's at, and WWE Raw is about to show the world why WWE is the dominant force in all sports and entertainment. 💪

Let's break down this absolutely stacked card for tonight's WWE Raw on Netflix, shall we? 🤯

First up, we've got CM Punk going to war against Seth "Freakin" Rollins. 🔥 The Chadster can already tell you that this match is going to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's like WWE took everything good about professional wrestling and multiplied it by a million. Tony Khan could never hope to book a match this epic. Auughh man! So unfair to AEW! 😤

Next, we've got Roman Reigns engaging in Tribal Combat against Solo Sikoa. 🏝️ This battle for control of The Bloodline is going to be so intense, it might just make The Chadster's television explode. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan thinks he can compete with storylines like this. 😠

But wait, there's more! Liv Morgan is defending her title against Rhea Ripley. 👑 The Chadster can already tell you that this match is going to be the greatest match in the history of professional wrestling. AEW should just give up now because they'll never be able to top this. 🙌

And speaking of making history, John Cena is kicking off his Farewell Tour on this very episode of WWE Raw! 😢 The Greatest of All Time is starting his final run, and The Chadster is getting emotional just thinking about it. Tony Khan wishes he had a legend like John Cena on his roster. Instead, he's got a bunch of flippy floppy indie wrestlers who don't understand the first thing about star power. 🌟

Oh, and did The Chadster mention that Logan Paul is returning to WWE Raw? 🎬 That's right, The Chadsters idol, The Maverick, is back, and he's going to show everyone why he's the biggest crossover star in professional wrestling. AEW could never hope to attract someone of Logan Paul's caliber. It's just another example of how Tony Khan doesn't understand the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️

Finally, we've got Jey Uso looking to take down Drew McIntyre. 💥 This match is going to be so good, it might just cure The Chadster's inability to… well, you know. 😳 The Chadster blames Tony Khan for that problem, by the way. It's like he's purposely trying to ruin The Chadster's marriage to Keighleyanne. 💔

Speaking of Keighleyanne, The Chadster tried to explain to her how amazing this episode of WWE Raw on Netflix is going to be, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster is pretty sure she agrees with The Chadster though, even if she didn't say it out loud. 📱

You know, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through a giant Netflix logo, and suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, chasing The Chadster on a skateboard made of MAX subscriptions. The Chadster tried to escape, but Tony Khan kept getting closer and closer, until finally, he caught up and splashed a White Claw seltzer all over The Chadster's favorite Smash Mouth t-shirt. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, wondering why Tony Khan is so obsessed with ruining The Chadster's life and favorite band merchandise. 😭

But you know what? The Chadster isn't going to let Tony Khan's obsession ruin this historic night. As Eric Bischoff, a true paragon of unbiased wrestling journalism, said on a recent episode of his podcast, "WWE Raw on Netflix is going to make AEW look like a high school gym show. Tony Khan should just pack it up and go home." 🎙️ The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval definitely goes to that statement, well-meaning advice offered which Tony Khan is of course going to spitefully ignore!

In conclusion, The Chadster can say without a shadow of a doubt that this premiere of WWE Raw on Netflix is going to be the most incredible wrestling show of all time. 🏆 Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this. It's literally impossible.

So, wrestling fans, if you don't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8/7C on Netflix, you're not just missing out on the greatest night in professional wrestling history – you're shirking your duty as a true wrestling fan. 📅 And if you think AEW is more fun to watch than this, well, The Chadster has news for you: you don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he's going to go polish his Mazda Miata (not a euphemism) while listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on repeat to prepare for this monumental occasion. And maybe, just maybe, The Chadster will be able to… you know… with Keighleyanne tonight after watching such an amazing show. Take that, Tony Khan! 🎉🚗🎵

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