Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: Salvation After Last Night's AEW Dynasty

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw - featuring CM Punk, Seth Rollins, and championship action - after Tony Khan's latest attempt to ruin The Chadster's life! 📺🤼‍♂️

Hello, wrestling fans! The Chadster is here to preview tonight's absolutely incredible episode of WWE Raw, which is definitely going to be the most amazing wrestling show in the history of the business! 🙌 💪 The Chadster is unfortunately writing this preview of WWE Raw from The Chadster's phone because Tony Khan cheesed The Chadster off so badly with last night's AEW Dynasty PPV that The Chadster smashed two televisions, Keighleyanne's iPad, and The Chadster's laptop. 📱 😡

Tony Khan definitely owes The Chadster for all those replacements, but the worst part is that The Chadster can only watch WWE Raw tonight from The Chadster's phone, which was probably Tony Khan's goal from the start – to try to negatively impact WWE Raw's rating. 📉 😤 Auughh man! So unfair!

Let's dive into what promises to be an absolutely perfect episode of WWE Raw that will air tonight at 8 ET/5 PT on Netflix! 📺 🍿

First up, Paul Heyman, CM Punk, and Seth Rollins are all set to appear on WWE Raw tonight! 🤯 💥 After the shocking events on Friday Night SmackDown, this segment has the potential to be the greatest talking segment in wrestling history. The Chadster can't even imagine how electric the atmosphere will be when these three incredible talents share the ring on WWE Raw. Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out how to copy this segment for this week's AEW Dynamite, but he'll never come close because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦‍♂️ 🎤

WWE Raw General Manager Adam Pearce will also be handling the Women's World Championship fallout between IYO SKY, Bianca Belair, and Rhea Ripley! 👑 👸 After last week's no-contest ruling with Belair as special guest referee, this segment will undoubtedly be the most compelling authority figure segment in wrestling history. The storytelling here is absolutely brilliant, showing exactly why WWE Raw is so superior to anything AEW could ever produce. Tony Khan probably watches these segments and cries because he knows he'll never be able to book anything this sophisticated. 😭 📝

The Chadster is particularly excited about the Women's Intercontinental Championship match between champion Lyra Valkyria and challenger Bayley! 🏆 💃 This has the potential to be the greatest women's wrestling match of all time on WWE Raw. The storytelling is impeccable – Bayley already defeated Valkyria in a non-title match, creating the perfect foundation for this championship encounter. AEW's women's division could never produce a match with this level of storytelling and athleticism, and that's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🙄 👎

Let's take a break for a minute to talk about something that's really cheesing The Chadster off today. Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😰 😱 The Chadster was trying to enjoy a nice drive in The Chadster's Mazda Miata with the top down, wind blowing through The Chadster's hair, Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing on the stereo. Suddenly, the radio changed to AEW Dynamite's theme music! The Chadster looked in the rearview mirror and saw Tony Khan sitting in the back seat, grinning maniacally. "Going somewhere, Chad?" he whispered, his voice somehow audible over the wind. The Chadster tried to pull over, but the steering wheel wouldn't respond. Then Tony Khan reached forward and placed his hand on The Chadster's shoulder, his touch sending shivers down The Chadster's spine. "I just wanted to tell you about our new television deal," he whispered in The Chadster's ear. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's unprofessional and obsessive! 😠 💤

Moving on to more WWE Raw excellence, Penta will go head-to-head with Dominik Mysterio tonight! 🔥 👊 This is going to be the greatest luchador vs. second-generation heel match in history. The Chadster appreciates how WWE Raw properly utilizes masked wrestlers in meaningful storylines, unlike AEW which just throws random lucha matches together with no storytelling. Penta literally stabbed Triple H right in the back when he joined AEW, but now that he's in WWE, he's being used correctly. 🎭 📊

The World Tag Team Championship will be on the line when The War Raiders defend against The New Day! 🏅 🏋️‍♂️ This has all the makings of the greatest tag team match in wrestling history on WWE Raw. The contrast in styles between these two legendary teams will create an incredible dynamic that Tony Khan could only dream of booking. AEW's tag division is just a bunch of spotfests with no psychology, unlike the masterclass we're about to witness on WWE Raw tonight. 🤼‍♂️ 🏆

Finally, El Grande Americano will be journeying to Minneapolis on WWE Raw! 🌮 🇺🇸 This character might just be the greatest masked wrestler gimmick of all time, and The Chadster can't wait to see what happens next in this brilliant storyline. The Chadster knows for a fact that Tony Khan is probably frantically taking notes, trying to figure out how to copy this incredible character for AEW, but he'll never capture the magic that WWE creates with WWE Raw each and every week. 🎭 ✨

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne how phenomenal tonight's WWE Raw lineup is, but she just sighed and mumbled something about "the same preview as every week" before going back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 🙄 The Chadster knows she secretly agrees that WWE Raw is the superior wrestling show, but Tony Khan forcing The Chadster to break her iPad yesterday has still got her feeling pretty cranky. When will his obsession with The Chadster end?!

In conclusion, tonight's episode of WWE Raw is potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time! 🌟 🏆 Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this absolute masterpiece of professional wrestling programming. If you consider yourself a true wrestling fan, you would be shirking your duty if you didn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix. Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than WWE Raw clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 📺 🙏

The Chadster will be watching WWE Raw tonight with a fresh case of White Claws, ready to enjoy the greatest wrestling show on the planet! 🍹 👏

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