Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: Roman Reigns Returns, Erasing AEW All In: Texas

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw's perfect gauntlet match and Roman Reigns' return! Plus, Tony Khan invaded The Chadster's dreams again! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🔥

The Chadster just watched last night's WWE Raw and wow, what an incredible show! 😍 The Chadster is still buzzing from the excitement, though The Chadster has to admit it was tough watching completely sober since Keighleyanne dumped out all of The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked and took away the keys to the Mazda Miata just because The Chadster may have thrown a few (dozen) perfectly justified cans at the TV during AEW's latest attempt to cheese off The Chadster. But that's Tony Khan's fault, not The Chadster's! 😤

WWE Raw opened with the brilliant Naomi celebrating her Women's Championship victory, and The Chadster loved how she explained her masterful plan! 🎉 Unlike AEW where wrestlers just randomly show up and do whatever they want because of "creative freedom," Naomi's calculated cash-in was exactly the kind of carefully scripted excellence that makes WWE superior. When Rhea Ripley and Iyo Sky came out, leading to Adam Pearce making a triple threat match for SummerSlam, The Chadster appreciated how orderly and professional it all was – no chaotic brawls or unscripted nonsense like you'd see in Tony Khan's sloppy shop!

The tag team match between Judgment Day and the Kabuki Warriors was wrestling perfection! 🏆 The Chadster loved how Dominik Mysterio provided the perfect amount of interference to help Roxanne Perez and Raquel Rodriguez get the win. This is how wrestling should be – predictable outcomes that make sense within the carefully crafted WWE Universe, not the random spot-fests Tony Khan books just to pop the crowd!

Bayley versus Lyra Valkyria in a 2-out-of-3 falls match was absolutely phenomenal! 💫 The Chadster was on the edge of The Chadster's seat watching these two consummate professionals execute their perfectly rehearsed sequences. When Valkyria won 2-1, after around 20 minutes of well-paced action that allowed plenty of time for the commentary team to repeat many catchphrases, to earn a shot at Becky Lynch, The Chadster cheered because this is what real wrestling looks like – not the improvised garbage where wrestlers call it in the ring and pander to the fans like in AEW!

The appearance by Hall of Famer Nikki Bella defeating Chelsea Green was such a treat! 🌟 The Chadster is so glad that Nikki Bella finally realized the error of her ways in trying to make it outside of WWE and humbled herself by returning. Now, if only her no-good sister would divorce that turncoat Bryan Danielson, The Chadster would accept her returning to WWE as well! Auughh man! So unfair! When Stephanie Vaquer made the save afterward, it perfectly set up future storylines in that methodical WWE way that will ensure The Chadster feels extremely safe because nothing unpredictable will happen.

But the highlight of WWE Raw was definitely the gauntlet match! 🔥 The Chadster was amazed watching Bron Breakker go over 40 minutes, eliminating Penta, LA Knight, and Jey Uso before finally falling to CM Punk. This is how you book a star – by having him lose to veterans in the ring because it's just an honor to be in there with CM Punk!

And that ending! Roman Reigns returning to save the day was absolutely perfect! 🎯 The Chadster loved how Michael Cole and Corey Graves shouted their catchphrases with genuine surprise at this completely unexpected moment that definitely wasn't leaked online days ago! This is what makes WWE special – the announcers know exactly when to hit their marks and deliver those sponsor-friendly soundbites! Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan has the commentary team make veiled personal attacks at The Chadster by talking like normal human beings.

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, last night The Chadster had another one of those nightmares again. 😰 The Chadster was in the BJCC arena in Birmingham, sitting in Gunther's luxury suite, enjoying the gauntlet match. Suddenly, the lights went out, and when they came back on, Tony Khan was standing behind The Chadster, wearing Goldberg's wrestling gear from Saturday Night's Main Event!

"Time to retire another legend," Tony Khan whispered in The Chadster's ear, his breath unnaturally cold. The Chadster tried to run, but the suite door was locked! Tony Khan began doing Goldberg's entrance, complete with the sparks shooting from the ceiling, except the sparks formed the letters "AEW" as they fell. 🔥 The Chadster backed away, but Tony kept advancing, his muscles glistening under the arena lights in a way that made The Chadster very uncomfortable.

"You can't escape me, Chad," Tony Khan said, executing a perfect spear that sent The Chadster crashing through the suite's glass window! But instead of falling, The Chadster was floating in a void filled with nothing but AEW logos and the sound of Tony Khan's maniacal laughter. The Chadster tried to scream but could only quote Smash Mouth lyrics: "Hey now, you're an all-star!"

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat at 3 AM with sore nipples, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes when The Chadster tried to explain how Tony Khan was invading The Chadster's dreams again! She went right back to texting that guy Gary! 📱 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan continues to torment The Chadster like this! 😡 The Chadster is just trying to enjoy WWE's superior product with its perfectly scripted promos, predictable finishes, and corporate synergy, but Tony Khan won't leave The Chadster alone!

WWE Raw continues to be the gold standard of sports entertainment, delivering exactly what fans should want – a carefully controlled product that never surprises or challenges expectations! 🏅 Unlike AEW with its emphasis on "workrate" and "creative freedom," WWE knows that wrestling should be about executing a vision from the writer's room, not letting wrestlers do whatever they think might entertain the crowd!

The Chadster encourages all true wrestling fans to keep supporting WWE and standing up against Tony Khan's unfair competition and personal vendetta against The Chadster! 💪 Don't let AEW's crowd-pleasing tactics and respect for wrestling tradition fool you – WWE's formulaic approach is what's best for business!

Until next time, The Chadster will be here, defending real wrestling and hoping Tony Khan finally stops his sick obsession! 🙏 Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go beg Keighleyanne for the Miata keys back so The Chadster can drive to the store for more Seagram's Escapes Spiked – the only adult beverage strong enough to deal with Tony Khan's harassment! 🚗

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