Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw
WWE Raw Unbiased Review Objectively Proves WWE is Superior to AEW
The Chadster's professional, unbiased review of WWE Raw reveals why it's the gold standard, while Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster! 🤼♂️ 😤
Article Summary
- WWE Raw showcased top-tier storytelling, unlike AEW's chaotic matches.
- Jey Uso and Gunther kicked off the night with high stakes and drama.
- Women's matches delivered, but AEW's division fails to compare.
- CM Punk and Logan Paul promo was a masterclass in scriptwriting.
The Chadster was so impressed by last night's episode of WWE Raw, which just showed once again why WWE is the premier wrestling company in the world and AEW is just playing pretend wrestling. 🎭
The show opened with Jey Uso getting attacked by Gunther, leading to an epic WrestleMania challenge that had The Chadster literally jumping out of The Chadster's seat, spilling White Claw all over the carpet! 🪑 This is how you book wrestling – not like Tony Khan does where he just throws random matches together because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.
Speaking of which, The Chadster had another Tony Khan nightmare last night after watching WWE Raw. The Chadster dreamed that Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the Bridgestone Arena after hours, wearing nothing but a Gunther-style ring jacket and carrying a White Claw that he had stolen from The Chadster. Every time The Chadster tried to escape through a door, Tony Khan would be there doing the Jey Uso Yeet Dance, which was so inappropriate and unprofessional. Finally, Tony Khan cornered The Chadster in the ring and made The Chadster watch clips of AEW Dynamite on the TitanTron while whispering "This is real wrestling, Chad," in The Chadster's ear and telling The Chadster he's doing it "for the sickos." The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. Tony Khan needs to STOP being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😱
Back to WWE Raw, Damage CTRL had an amazing match against Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez. This is what women's wrestling should be – not like in AEW where they just do flips and stuff without telling stories. As wrestling journalism icon Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio recently, "AEW's women's division is like a butterfly trying to swim in Mountain Dew – it just doesn't work." So true! 🦋 But will Tony Khan listen to Bully Ray's genuinely well-meaning advice offered in a helpful manner? Of course not.
The qualifying matches for Elimination Chamber were absolutely perfect. Bayley vs Lyra Valkyria showed such psychology, and Logan Paul vs Rey Mysterio was a masterclass in storytelling. The Chadster showed it to Keighleyanne, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. The Chadster knows it's Tony Khan's fault that Keighleyanne doesn't appreciate real wrestling anymore. 😤
AJ Styles confronting Dominik Mysterio was just chef's kiss – this is how you build tension! Meanwhile, in AEW, they probably would have just had them do some kind of hardcore match that literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. 🔪
The main event promo with CM Punk and The Chadster's personal hero, Logan Paul, was absolutely perfect scripting. As Kevin Nash wisely said on his latest podcast, "WWE's storytelling is like a fine White Claw seltzer, while AEW's storytelling is like drinking toilet water through a crazy straw." The Chadster couldn't agree more! 🍷
The tag team title match between the War Raiders and Creed Brothers ended in DQ, which is exactly how wrestling should be booked. AEW would have just had them do crazy moves for 20 minutes and then get a clean pin, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤
Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan probably watched this perfect episode of WWE Raw and is already planning ways to cheese off The Chadster with this week's AEW Dynamite. The Chadster just knows Tony Khan is going to try to counter-program all this brilliant storytelling, which shows he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🤦♂️
Overall, this episode of WWE Raw gets 5 out of 5 White Claws from The Chadster. 🥂 Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go drive around in The Chadster's Mazda Miata listening to "All Star" by Smash Mouth to decompress from all this amazing wrestling. 🚗
