Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Now With More Moral Quandaries

El Presidente previews tonight's WWE SmackDown featuring Sami Zayn vs Drew McIntyre face-off, plus Cody Rhodes speaks before Royal Rumble, comrades!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious bunker beneath the Presidential Palace where I am enjoying a glass of premium rum while watching my extensive collection of wrestling DVDs. Tonight, WWE SmackDown comes to us with a card so stacked, it reminds me of the time I helped Fidel Castro organize his record collection—alphabetically by artist, chronologically by release date, and sorted by how much each album insulted American imperialism!

But comrades, before we dive into the glorious action that awaits us on SmackDown tonight at 8/7c on USA Network, I must take a moment to applaud WWE's absolutely brilliant public relations strategy. You see, for years, the capitalist wrestling fans of America wrung their hands about the ethical implications of supporting WWE's shows in Saudi Arabia, like tonight's WWE SmackDown and tomorrow's Royal Rumble premium live event.. "Oh no, El Presidente," they would say, "how can we enjoy premium live events when they take place in an authoritarian regime?"

Well, comrades, WWE has solved this problem with the kind of genius that would make Machiavelli weep with joy! Instead of becoming more ethical themselves or waiting for the Saudi regime to become less murderous, they have simply made it equally ethically questionable to support ALL WWE programming by cozying up to the second Trump administration! With Triple H now practically living at the White House and Linda McMahon serving as Secretary of Education, WWE has achieved perfect ethical equilibrium! You cannot feel guilty about supporting SOME WWE shows when ALL WWE shows now carry the same moral baggage! It's like what Kim Jong-un told me during our weekly poker game: "If everyone is complicit, no one is complicit!" Brilliant!

Now, onto tonight's SmackDown festivities!

The main attraction features Sami Zayn coming face-to-face with Drew McIntyre one night before their championship clash at Royal Rumble. Comrades, Sami earned his opportunity by defeating three other competitors in a Fatal 4-Way Match at Saturday Night's Main Event, proving once and for all that the underdog can triumph! This reminds me of my own rise to power, except I had to defeat far more than three opponents, and instead of a wrestling match, it involved a lengthy revolution and possibly some activities the CIA is still very upset about. But I digress!

The tension between Zayn and McIntyre will surely reach boiling point tonight on SmackDown, and I expect fireworks! McIntyre has been an iron-fisted champion—a leadership style I can certainly appreciate—while Sami represents the everyman, the working-class hero fighting against impossible odds. It is practically socialist propaganda, comrades, and I am here for it!

Cody Rhodes, The American Nightmare himself, will also take the microphone tonight on SmackDown. After his chaotic encounter with Jacob Fatu at Saturday Night's Main Event, Cody returns to build momentum toward the Royal Rumble Match. I have always admired Cody's dedication to finishing his story—it reminds me of my own thirty-year story of evading CIA assassination attempts! Both require tremendous perseverance and occasionally hiding in unusual places.

The card also features Ilja Dragunov seeking revenge against The Miz after The A-Lister cost him his United States Title opportunity last week. Comrades, revenge is a dish best served cold, much like the borscht I shared with Vladimir Putin while we discussed our favorite WWE SmackDown moments! Dragunov's intensity is unmatched, and The Miz's cowardly tactics will surely come back to haunt him.

In a fascinating tag team partner versus tag team partner encounter, Axiom will face Johnny Gargano tonight on SmackDown. After Axiom helped Nathan Frazer defeat Johnny Wrestling last week, the masked mathematician gets his own opportunity for singles glory. This is like when Che Guevara and I had our arm-wrestling competition to settle a dispute about who had the better revolutionary beard—sometimes, comrades must compete to prove their worth!

And finally, Carmelo Hayes issues yet another United States Title Open Challenge on SmackDown. Who will answer? Will it be a surprise return? A shocking debut? Or will someone from the current roster step up to challenge Him? The suspense is as thick as the smoke from my finest Cuban cigars!

Do not miss WWE SmackDown tonight at 8/7c on USA Network, comrades! Or do miss it, and every WWE show, depending on where you draw that ethical line for yourself. Until next time, this is El Presidente reminding you that whether you're watching from my presidential palace or your capitalist living room, we are all equal in our love of the squared circle!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva SmackDown!

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