Are you ready? Are you ready for a good time? Well, too bad, because it's time for WWE SmackDown.
WWE SmackDown Report for September 4th, 2020 Part 1 of 3
Smackdown opens with a recap of the ending of WWE Payback. Long story short: The Big Dog is back, and he's a heel, baby! Michael Cole tells us the Roman Reigns era has begun. Seriously? It didn't begin like five years ago? Roman's music plays and he walks to the ring with Paul Heyman, In the ultimate irony, here in the Thunderdome, WWE is now piping in boos for Roman Reigns. The virtual audience members appear to mostly be smiling and clapping. Just let that sink in for a minute.
Okay, there are a couple of incels there giving the thumbs down at the behest of WWE's crowd director. But very few.
"Just when you thought I was out, he pulled me back in," says Heyman. He says not to blame him for corrupting Roman. It's the other way around. Heyman was gone, "tossed aside, thrown into the shark-infested ocean of obscurity, only to be rescued, saved, and pulled onto the island of relevancy by this man." Because they did the same thing to Roman that they did to him. Heyman references crappy booking. He says Roman delivered even when WWE kept screwing things up. But when Roman needed time off, they gave his title to The Fiend. Heyman explains why booking The Fiend as champ is a bad idea. He's shooting, brother! Even Kevin Nash is watching this at home like, "damn, this guy is shooting."
Heyman announces the fatal four-way tonight to see who will be sacrificed to Roman at Clash of Champions. "I'll leave their names to be hyped up by Anderson Cooper and Carmella's latest boyfriend." Ha! "My name is Paul Heyman and I serve as special counsel to the tribal chief, your reigning, defending, undisputed, universal heavyweight champion, Roman Reigns."
Reigns takes the mic: "I'm a man of my word. I did exactly what I said I was gonna do at Payback. I signed the contract, I wrecked the fiend, I wrecked the monster, and I left as the Universal Heavyweight Champion." Roman says he doesn't care who he faces at Payback because "this is my island, and when you have this kinda power, all you gotta do is show up and win. Believe that."
Cole and Graves hype up the card for tonight. Then Heavy Machinery come out. Then Smackdown takes a commercial break.
After the break, Jey Uso greets Roman backstage. Paul leaves them to talk alone. Jey wants to know if he trusts Heyman. Reigns says he's got it all under control. Jey offers to get his back if needed. The Miz and John Morrison come out.
Heavy Machinery vs. Miz and Morrison
- I don't know what to say about this match. Even with fake crowd noise controlled by WWE, it has no heat.
- The Miz has pretty much used up all the goodwill he had from that Daniel Bryan feud by this point.
- Morrison is just a more athletic Miz.
- Otis and Tucker are the modern-day Bushwackers.
- Wrestling happens here in this match, but I don't give a crap about it. Smackdown goes to commercials.
- Miz and Morrison beat up Heavy Machinery until Otis starts slapping his belly. Then he beats them up instead.
- Otis hits a caterpillar and a splash and gets the win.
Total garbage. Morrison steals the Money in the Bank briefcase after the match.
Big E, Drew Gulak, and Lucha House Party are getting ready for a birthday party for Xavier Woods. Also, Big E is gonna be in that four-way match tonight. A security guard walks up and lets Big E know that Woods has arrived. Big E grabs the cake and heads to the parking lot. Sheamus jumps him, ruining the cake. He Brogue Kicks Big E against a garage door and then gives him the White Noise into the windshield of a Honda Civic. I guess Big E won't be in that match tonight after all… which is probably for the best because one surefire way to kill that singles push everyone is talking about is to face Roman Reigns. Smackdown goes to commercials.
After the break, medics and a ginger WWE official are tending to Big E. Kayla Braxton is on the scene of the accident. She says Big E has suffered "major lacerations and likely other serious internal injuries." Sheamus is there. Kayla asks him if this is because Big E beat Sheamus at Payback. Sheamus says he was just defending himself. He tells Kayla if you want to be in the main event and grab the brass ring, you have to stay focused. He chugs a big glass of urine. This could have been the biggest night of Big E's career, but he let his old friends drag him down again. Sheamus says he has to go get ready for his match tonight.
Cole and Graves are totally disgusted by this, but not too disgusted for Michael Cole to say we're about to have "the greatest tag team match in the history of this program," going full Nitro-era Tony Schiavone.
The Progressive Match Flo, which will never not sound like it has something to do with periods, recaps Bayley and Sasha Banks losing to Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler at Payback. Alyse Ashton interviews Sasha and Bayley. She asks about losing the tag titles and Sasha losing her Raw belt. Bayley says they didn't know how to prepare for Nia and Shayna at Payback because it was the first time they teamed, but now they have their number. Alyse points out Shayna has tapped Bayley out the last three times she faced her. Sasha interrupts to talk up Bayley's accomplishments. She says no matter what, they're still best friends. They're gonna head to the ring… after some commercials.
Will they get their belts back? Find out in part two of our SmackDown report soon!
This post is part of a multi-part series: WWE Smackdown Report for September 4th, 2020.