Earlier this month, Marvel Comics released a trailer for their next big super-mega-crossover event. Called Empyre (with a Y), the event was billed as "Marvel's most Earth-shattering event of 2020," which is really saying something considering Marvel puts out an average of fifteen Earth-shattering events every year. Unfortunately, all of the details of this event as exposed by Marvel Editor-in-Chief C.B. Cebulski and Blowhard-in-Chief Tom Brevoort were censored in the trailer, forcing us to design a mad libs style transcript and attempt to fill in the blanks.
Empyre is Marvel's most Earth-shattering event of 2020, and will star __1__ and __2__ against the __3__ and __4__.
Empyre grows out of a number of classic key Marvel stories, including the __5__, the __6__, the __7__, and a bunch of others. It is the __8__ for so many things that have been established throughout Marvel history.
It'll be written by __9__ and __10__ with art by __11__.
The story will be __12__.
One of the most incredible __13__ Marvel has ever put to page.
Here's what we guessed:
- Bill the Lobster
- sales attrition
- Secret Empire
- Civil War 2
- Chuck Austen's X-Men
- only way for stories to continue when books keep getting prematurely canceled
- Al Ewing
- Akira Yoshida
- Rob Liefeld
- delayed by several months and have an extra issue added to the end
- variant cover Ponzi schemes
But it turns out we only got a few of those right. Marvel has now revealed the uncut, uncensored version of the trailer, rated R for full frontal hyperbole, and revealing all the details about Empyre (with a Y).
So we can now finally fill in the blanks.
Empyre is Marvel's most Earth-shattering event of 2020, and will star The Avengers and The Fantastic Four against the Kree and the Skrulls.
Empyre grows out of a number of classic key Marvel stories, including the Kree/Skrull War, the Celestial Madonna Saga, the origin of the Young Avengers, and a bunch of others. It is the touchstone for so many things that have been established throughout Marvel history.
It'll be written by Al Ewing and Dan Slott with art by Valerio Schiti.
The story will be a true interstellar epic.
One of the most incredible science fiction sagas Marvel has ever put to page.
Though the new trailer does add an additional segment at the end where Brevoort is asked what happens at the end and he spoils it for some poor intern. That part remains censored. Can we expect to learn the truth in a New York Times article before the comic is published?
Prepare to have your Earth shyttered (with a Y) in 2020, true believers.