Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Conceive Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

In this column, we learn who Cable did the hibbity dibbity with to father Major X. Plus: everyone is learning the secrets of Age of X-Man, and Rachel Grey is BACK in X-Force. Read on for recaps of all of last week's X-Men comics in X-ual Healing!

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Conceive Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Create Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

X-Force #9
(W) Ed Brisson (A) Dylan Burnett (CA) Valerio Schiti
• X-Force is split between a Stryfe and a hard place!
• The clock is ticking!
• Plus: The return of Rachel Summers!
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Jun 12, 2019
SRP: $3.99

X-Force battles the MLA in the future in the penultimate issue of X-Force, but the non-lethal battle is interrupted when Blaquesmith uses his powers to temporary block the control of the Cronen, Stryfe's giant telepathic brain monsters that are both controlling the MLA and Rachel Summers. Speaking of Rachel, she is contacted telepathically by the Mother Askani, the dead version of Rachel from this universe, who encourages her to break free of the Cronen's control. As X-Force, directed by Blaquesmith, infiltrate Stryfe's compound, Deathlok, Cannonball, and Warpath head to rescue Cable from his cell while Domino, Boom-Boom, and Shatterstar face down Stryfe. Deathlok manages to free Cable from his cell and cut away the overgrown techno-organic virus, leaving Cable little more than a head on top of a blob of metal tentacles, they discover that Aliya, being kept in the cell next to Cable's, has also been infected with the virus. Meanwhile, Stryfe gets the upper hand on the other half of X-Force, but Rachel breaks free of Cronen control to turn the tables. All of this concludes next issue.

This has been a fun round of X-Force, but all good things must come to an end. And if it's Marvel, they must usually come to an end in 12 issues or left. Will there be another X-Force series after the Hickboot? We'll find out soon, I guess.

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Create Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

Age of X-Man: Marvelous X-Men #5
(W) Lonnie Nadler, Zac Thompson (A) Marco Failla (CA) Phil Noto
• Perfect is an idea…an idea that by its nature does not fit into reality.
• The X-Men have seen the truth of a perfect world.
• That world is coming apart at the seams.
Rated T+
In Shops: Jun 12, 2019
SRP: $3.99

The X-Men investigate a murder, which happens to be the death of Moneta from Department X, so sorry about the Age of X-Man: X-Tremists spoiler. Nature Girl uses her powers to ask bacteria living on Moneta's body what happens and learns that Moneta went to confront Apocalypse at a poetry slam. There, Apocalypse confronted her, and Moneta used her powers to read his memories… only to see the truth about the Age of X-Man, that Nate Grey created the world and this version of Apocalypse, colluding with him to create an adversary and a villain, as any comic universe requires.

The X-Men are surprisingly willing to believe all of this, helped on by all of the messed up @#$% they've been seeing lately, like the fissures showing glimpses of the real world, or the closet full of weapons in X-23's house that causes Jean to remember Bishop, who was kicked off the team and sent to prison for having sex with her. Of course, Nate knows all of this is going on, but he resigns to stop lying and tell the X-Men the truth. When he arrives to confront him, they attack, but he uses his powers to hold them off and explains that he created this entire world, and in fact he is this entire world, but he did it for their own good, to show them what life could be like if mutants achieved the peace they deserved. This will all be wrapped up in the Age of X-Man Omega issue.

The best thing I can say about the Age of X-Man event is at least it will be over soon.

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Create Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

Major X #5
(W) Rob Liefeld (A) Brent Peeples, Adelso Corona (CA) Rob Liefeld
The conclusion of a tale almost 30 years in the making – the fate of the X-Istance! The rise of the X-Ential! And the full identity of Major X himself!
Rated T+
In Shops: Jun 12, 2019
SRP: $3.99

Major X, M'Koy, and the X-Ential arrive on Genosha in 2019, where they are greeted by a bunch of big gray sentinels and a young woman named Aura. The X-Ential, who apparently has all of his memories from the future because of reasons, tells his friends that he needs to go away for a while to restore the X-Istence, and that Major X will need to protect everything they've created. Then he pulls a dead Jedi, disappearing out of his clothes, but his consciousness transfers into Aura (damn, Aura, we hardly knew you). Some Genoshan soldiers appear and are not pleased to see M'Koy holding an unconscious Aura, so they arrest M'Koy and Major X, but they are immediately vaporized by a blast from an army of giant robots piloted by The Administrator, who had been monitoring the world waiting for them to reappear in the timestream for the last twenty years since the events of the previous issue.

The X-Ential wakes up and takes control of all the Sentinels on the island, using them to destroy the Administrator's robots. Then she kills the Administrator telepathically through his astral projection. But she warns Major X that he needs to go save his mother, who has been targeted. Meanwhile, Namor, Nomar, and Lora bring The X-Ential's body (the one from the future I guess) to Atlantis, but it too pulls an Obi-Wan Kenobi. It's no matter though, because nearby is a sign that reads "Break Glass in Case of Needed Plot Device," so they bust open a glass case containing a horn that can summon the terror of Atlantis to destroy all mutants. Namor blows the horn.

Meanwhile, Major X and M'Koy visit the X-Men, who are wearing their costumes from right before the Age of X-Man (so early 2019), except the Xavier Institute is located in Westchester, whereas the mansion had been in Central Park in recent continuity, and most of this team was in the X-Men Red series and actually operating from a base in Atlantis while working with Namor. But setting this continuity mindf*** aside, Major X tells the X-Men that he needs their help to prevent a great calamity and takes off his helmet again, revealing that his mother is Storm.

Wow. We already knew that Major X was Cable's son. So did Storm have sex with old man Cable from Liefeld's continuity, or did she have sex with the newer Kid Cable from the mainstream Marvel continuity? Either answer is yuck. Also, this is the first time M'Koy has come in contact with The Beast, so maybe next issue we'll find out if they really are the same person.

I wish Major X was an ongoing series that lasted 100 issues. Sadly, there's just one issue left. Just to prove how much I love the Liefeld though, I'm gonna make Major X #5 the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week!

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Conceive Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

Congratulations to the creative team.

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Create Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

Age of X-Man: Apocalypse and the X-Tracts #4
(W) Tim Seeley (A) Salva Espin (CA) Gerardo Sandoval
You think this "A" stands for "America"? Think again! Genesis takes the field in the name of Apocalypse to fight for love and friendship!
Rated T+
In Shops: Jun 12, 2019
SRP: $3.99

The issue opens with Eyeboy awakening from unconsciousness, scared for Genesis. That's because Genesis is currently decked out in a Captain America style outfit (Captain Apocalypse?) and fighting Omega Red. While that's going on, Dazzler and Unveil awaken from the death pheremones Omega Red used on them last issue. Back in Manhattan, Apocalypse is holding court in his art gallery when Colossus shows up to join Apocalypse's side, just to be with Kitty. Kitty brings him to her room where he sees her Menorah. He confesses his love, and his visions of their real life together. Kitty believes him and they kiss.

Back in Kazakhstan, Unveil uses mind control to make civilians evacuate the area where Genesis and Omega Red are fighting. Omega Red uses this battle as an opportunity for some X-pository dialog, revealing that he escaped his prison when fissures appeared showing visions of the real world. Omega Red understands what's happening in the Age of X-Man, and Apocalypse wasn't sending his team to rescue Omega Red — he wanted to recapture his weapon. Omega Red stabs Genesis through the chest with his tentacles and Genesis kills Omega Red with a last gasp of his powers before his own death and also calls out to Apocalypse, who transports all the Light Riders home.

This is all a real bummer, so Apocalypse suggests everyone gets high on some Unveil gas. Later, Eyeboy wakes up to another vision, this time seeing Apocalypse colluding with X-Man as in Marvelous X-Men. Apocalypse reveals that Evan had to die because he was getting too close to the truth, as last issue we learned he could see his father's memories and knew something about the Age of X-Man.


Other X-Stuff

It wouldn't be a Monday without a plug for Adventures in Poor Taste's X-Men Monday column. There have been 16 editions of the column so far, which makes it longer-running than almost every X-book. I look forward to reading it every Monday morning… then cursing Chris Hassan's name for refusing to ask Marvel when Chris Claremont will be allowed to write an ongoing series. Why are you protecting Marvel's ageist agenda, Chris? Why?! I did get a clickbait article out of it this week though, so it all evens out.

We learned that Claremont and Bill Sienkiewicz will reunite for a New Mutants one-shot in September though.

Major X creator Rob Liefeld went off on DC Comics then quit Twitter, but then almost immediately came back to Twitter. But not before leaking plans for a DC/Image crossover. Oh, and he also said he won't sign reprints of New Mutants #98 and that Deadpool wasn't influenced by Deathstroke. He got mad at me for making clickbait articles out of this stuff (though Rich made two of those).

See some concept art for new characters debuting in Powers of X #1 here.

And this:

Well, another week has come and gone, and we're about a month out from the Hickboot and the concurrent reboot of this very column! Stay tuned!

Read more X-ual Healing here:

Which X-Woman Had Sex With Cable to Conceive Major X? [X-ual Healing 6-12-19]

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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