Before we get started, I wanted to break the fourth wall for a sec and pull back the curtain on how exactly the cheeseburger we call The Weekly Static actually makes it to the plate, so to speak. I think of each episode of The Weekly Static as my own little Frankenstein's Monster…but it's editors extraordinaire Haley Rose-Lyon and Zaira Gaudio-Fry, who take these sometimes 1500+-word monsters on a Friday, get them cleaned-up and teach them how to use a knife and fork so they can be presented properly for public consumption that same day. Always appreciated!
* * * * *
Welcome back to The Weekly Static, my adorably desperate attempt at finding either the lighter side of or an interesting perspective on the past week in the land of network television, cable television, streaming, smoke signals, and cloud formations.
The goal of The Weekly Static? Why, let me lay that out to you with a simple three-point plan:
● To offer a blunt, honest perspective on a handful of random TV news posts from the past week that also highlights your relentless team of news-thirsty Bleeding Cool writers and the quality work they do.
● To spotlight a news item we might've missed that you might find interesting.
● To feed my ego with waves of praise, adulation, social media shares, pizza, Superman Funkos, and a plethora of Eisner Award nominations.
Okay, before I start getting cards and letters from people I don't even know and offers comin' over the phone…let's get rollin'!
So Hercules claims that Hollywood's backlash to his conservative politics is the reason why his career didn't skyrocket after his run on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Hmm…a couple of things for you to consider, Kev.
First, Hercules ain't Xena and you're no Lucy Lawless — the writing and supporting characters made that series and to be blunt? You were replaceable. Second, you preach prejudice and intolerance towards the LGBTQ community and wonder why people don't want to play nice with you? This isn't a debate over whether toilet paper rolls should roll over or under (it's over, btw), Kev — you want people who you feel aren't deserving of the same rights as you to treat you fairly. Let that hypocrisy marinate around in your brain for a little bit and see if you can get the point.
Dear Hollywood: If your show is going to be an allegory for Trump's America, then make sure it actually is an allegory for Trump's America, and that you're not just saying that because it looks/sounds good and catches eyeballs and eardrums. Ryan Murphy's American Horror Story: Cult is an allegory, but what I know about this? So far, it's reading like a stretch. Side note: it's also never a good sign when you announce that you won't be screening the series for critics prior to its premiere.
I get it — I really do. It was a great idea to show how a superhero show like Arrow could also address important social issues like racial injustices, police brutality, and the Black Lives Matter movement. But did you think beyond the press release and social media posts? I'm hoping someone in that writers' room got everyone else to take a break from patting themselves on their backs long enough to see if they had enough "black lives" in that room for their message to "matter." You gotta have representation in the green room, the board room, and the writers' room, folks!
Superman was the hero I knew I could be — but teacher Ralph Hanley (William Katt) always reminded me of the hero I would've probably ended up becoming, and that's not a bad thing. The Greatest American Hero was 11-year-old me's favorite show, because it was the first time I remember seeing super powers being used in a show that was supposed to be based in the "real world." Special props to the late Robert Culp, whose FBI Agent Bill Maxwell was a perfect sidekick to Hanley's spastic hero.
It kinda sucks that Roman Reigns is paying the price for a lousy roll-out and push of his character by WWE. And while I'm sure they've been enjoying the social media buzz they've gotten off of those John Cena/Reigns mic battles, they make look Reigns look weak both in the ring and on the mic in the long term. Embrace a heel turn. Put him in a sharp suit, slick back his hair, and give him a pair of mirrored sunglasses. Give him Paul Heyman and let Heyman do 99.98% of the talking. That's the best way to get the babyface champ you want, WWE: patience.
OK, OK — I know it's still early and that Murphy could still tank this season in any a number of ways, but so far? Cult's doing a great job of bringing the scares and the creepiness. I've loved clowns since I was a wee lad, but this season is starting to get to me a little bit. Side note? I'm still going with the theory that the clown cult and Kai's (Evan Peters) cult are two separate groups, which would makes things even more interesting.
I'm friggin' hooked on Riverdale in ways that I never expected. When I first read the announcement from The CW, my gut instinct was that it was going to be some sad cross between Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill. I was so righteously wrong with my first impression that it still hurts; but I'm glad I gave it a chance.
Once I watched the first episode, I didn't stop until the credits rolled on the eighth episode. As someone who needs to know in advance how everything ends (couldn't give a rat's ass about spoilers), I've made it a point to not know who the killer is until I finish the final four. From what I've read about Season 2, looks like my addiction's going to grow. Don't judge me.
One of Us is Lying has an interesting premise, which I'm surprised to find myself saying about pretty much anything that E! is associated with producing. It comes across like what you'd get if you put Pretty Little Liars, The Breakfast Club, Rope, and Ten Little Indians in a blender and set it to puree. Only two concerns: the concept not being strong enough to attract/keep viewers beyond a single season; and E!'s willingness to invest both time and money in a quality show that could be a tent pole for them from a programming standpoint.
It's interesting how some people define "crybaby." Now, for me, a "crybaby" would be someone who goes on ABC's Good Morning America to blubber about how he's not a racist and needs to be forgiven — especially when you can't tell if he's legit sorry or just trying to smooth over everything for his 887th run in the WWE. Laugh all you want, but keep this in mind when you hear I Am A Real American blasting through NOLA's Mercedes-Benz Superdome at WrestleMania 34.
I'd like to see Twin Peaks come back for a fourth season, and I'd prefer it to be 75% Mark Frost and 25% David Lynch. I want/need Lynch to still be involved in some capacity, but my love for the characters and storylines has now exceeded my desire to give Lynch a large enough artistic masturbation sandbox to play in. That why when it comes to Twin Peaks, I've had to separate myself between being a Lynch fan and a Twin Peaks fan. If there's one thing Season 3 taught me, the two definitely do not need to be the same thing.
"EXCLUSIVE: Annabelle: Creation actress Lulu Wilson and newcomer Victoria Pedretti have joined the upcoming Netflix series adaptation of Shirley Jackson's classic 1959 novel, The Haunting Of Hill House, from Amblin TV and Paramount TV.
Genre filmmaker Mike Flanagan, who directed Wilson in 2016's Ouija: Origin of Evil, is at the helm of the 10-episode straight-to-series drama, which draws from the original classic ghost story while expanding on the mythology of the Crane family."