Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision: Maximum Carnage More Like Maximum Garbage Preview

The Chadster breaks down tonight's AEW Collision card and explains how Tony Khan is LITERALLY trying to destroy the wrestling business and The Chadster's marriage! 😤 So unfair! 🤮

Before The Chadster gets into previewing tonight's AEW Collision: Maximum Carnage, The Chadster needs to address something that's been bothering The Chadster all week. The Chadster's no-good brother, The Bradster, was allowed to review AEW Dynamite this week while The Chadster was busy trying to drink enough White Claws to forget about Tony Khan's constant harassment. The Chadster apologizes to all the loyal readers of Bleeding Cool for this lapse in journalistic integrity. 🙏

Speaking of Tony Khan's harassment, The Chadster needs to tell you about the nightmare The Chadster had last night after reading the preview for tonight's AEW Collision. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the Brady Music Center in Cincinnati, but instead of wearing normal clothes, he was dressed exactly like Kazuchika Okada, complete with fancy entrance robe. Every time The Chadster turned a corner, Tony Khan would do Okada's pose and money would rain down, but the bills all had Tony Khan's face on them instead of presidents. When The Chadster finally got cornered, Tony Khan did the Rainmaker pose and sprayed The Chadster with White Claw instead of water! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😰

Looking at tonight's AEW Collision card, it's clear why The Chadster had such disturbing dreams. First of all, there's this 12-man tag team match that's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. As Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio this week, "AEW needs to stop doing these multi-man matches and stick to traditional wrestling, like WWE does with their perfectly-booked premium live events." See? Objective journalism right there! 📚

Then there's this Texas Death Match between Hangman Page and Christopher Daniels. The Chadster can't believe Christopher Daniels would participate in such wanton violence. As Kevin Nash wisely stated on a recent episode of his podcast, "These death matches are killing the business. Back in my day, we drew money with proper wrestling moves like my devastating jackknife powerbomb." 💯

The Continental Championship match between Kazuchika Okada and Tomohiro Ishii just proves that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Wrestling should be about sports entertainment, not this strong style stuff that makes The Chadster's White Claw curdle in The Chadster's stomach. Eric Bischoff said it best on a recent episode of 83 Weeks: "AEW needs to focus on storytelling like WWE, not just matches between two guys who used to work together in Japan." 🤮

And don't even get The Chadster started on this women's match between Harley Cameron and Julia Hart. Mark Henry made an excellent point on Busted Open Radio this week when he said, "These ladies need to study how WWE produces perfect women's matches every single time." Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster is begging you, please don't watch AEW Collision tonight at 8/7c on TNT and simulcast on MAX. Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to keep personally attacking The Chadster. Just yesterday, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata to pick up more White Claw, and The Chadster swears The Chadster saw Tony Khan in the rearview mirror doing the Rainmaker pose, but when The Chadster turned around, he was gone! 🚗

And Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are), please stop invading The Chadster's dreams. The Chadster hasn't been able to perform in the bedroom with Keighleyanne for years because of this, though that guy Gary seems to be keeping her entertained. This is all Tony Khan's fault, and The Chadster just wants to be able to enjoy wrestling the way it was meant to be enjoyed – the WWE way! 😭

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