Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: A Crowd-Pleasing Card That's So Unfair to WWE

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision and explains why Tony Khan's obsession has gone too far! Plus: Keighleyanne needs to let The Chadster drink! 😤

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that AEW Collision is happening tonight at 8/7C on TNT, and The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan has the audacity to keep putting on these shows that literally stab Triple H right in the back! 😡 Tonight's AEW Collision from Chicago is going to be another disaster that disrespects everything WWE has built and threaten's WWE's position as the only wrestling company that matters, and The Chadster is here to break down exactly why you shouldn't watch AEW Collision tonight! 💔

Let's start with this ridiculous 8-man tag match on AEW Collision. Bandido, Máscara Dorada, and JetSpeed (Kevin Knight and Mike Bailey) vs the Don Callis Family's Hechicero, Lance Archer, Rocky Romero, and Josh Alexander? Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 This match is going to be nothing but non-stop action with no time for proper rest holds or commercial breaks! How are sponsors supposed to get their messages across when these guys are constantly flipping and diving? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE knows that matches need proper pacing with chinlocks and bear hugs to let the announcers repeat their catchphrases! 📺

The $200K 4-Way Tag Team Match on AEW Collision is even worse! Gates of Agony vs Austin & Colten Gunn vs CRU (Lio Rush & Action Andretti) vs Big Bill & Keith Lee? Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️ Why would you put actual money on the line and give wrestlers real stakes to fight for? WWE knows that the only prize that matters is the opportunity to entertain the WWE Universe! This is just going to make wrestlers try too hard and give fans exciting unpredictable action instead of the safe, formulaic matches they deserve! 💰

And don't even get The Chadster started on Dustin Rhodes as TNT Champion! The man literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by winning a title at his age! 😤 WWE had the decency to keep him jobbing as Goldust where he belonged, but Tony Khan has to let him have his "dreams come true" or whatever. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! When Dustin speaks on AEW Collision tonight, he'll probably talk from the heart instead of reading scripted promos like a professional! 📝

Megan Bayne vs Tay Melo with everyone banned from ringside? Auughh man! So unfair! 😩 How dare AEW Collision give us a clean finish with no interference! WWE knows that matches need constant distractions and roll-up finishes to protect everyone involved! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and now one of these women will probably end up with some momentum after the match that could threaten to overshadow the brand as the real draw! 🙄

The Ricochet vs AR Fox match on AEW Collision is going to be another example of AEW's high workrate, acrobatic style! These guys will probably do dangerous moves and get the crowd excited instead of working a body part for 15 minutes (but not actually involving it in the finish) like real wrestlers trained through the WWE developmental system! Ricochet literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE where he was perfectly utilized as a midcard act and trying to show that he has actual charisma! 🤸‍♂️

Taya Valkyrie vs Alex Windsor on AEW Collision? The Chadster bets they'll have a competitive match with a clean finish that puts wrestling, not stories crafted by professional d-list TV writers, first, which is not the way to produce a wrestling show! The Chadster bets someone comes out of this match looking strong, which means Tony Khan will once again fail at the basic concept of 50/50 booking. 💪

Max Caster's open challenge is just another example of AEW Collision being unpredictable! How are fans supposed to feel safe when they don't know who's going to appear? WWE would never surprise their audience like this! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🎤

And RUSH vs Katsuyori Shibata on AEW Collision? These two are going to beat each other senseless with strong style nonsense instead of working a proper WWE-style match with headlocks and punches and, ideally, product placement! Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 👊

The Chadster is warning everyone: DO NOT tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX! Watching will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his personal vendetta against The Chadster! 📺🚫

Speaking of which, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night! 😱 The Chadster was peacefully driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a car wash when suddenly the brushes turned into Tony Khan's arms! They started slapping The Chadster through the open window while "All Star" by Smash Mouth played backwards on the radio! Tony Khan's face appeared in the rearview mirror, laughing maniacally as soap suds spelled out "WATCH COLLISION" on the windshield! The Chadster tried to escape but the car wash tunnel stretched on forever, and Tony Khan kept whispering "Rub-a-dub dub, Chad," while the brushes got more aggressive! The Chadster woke up drenched in sweat! Tony Khan needs to stop using subliminal messages in AEW programming to invade The Chadster's dreams! It's literally harassment! 🛌💭

Today marks exactly one week since Keighleyanne dumped all of The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked after The Chadster threw too many cans at the TV during All In: Texas, and she still hasn't given The Chadster back the keys to the Miata so The Chadster can buy more! 🚗🔑 The Chadster intends to down a bottle of mouthwash before AEW Collision starts tonight to dull the pain of Tony Khan's assault on true wrestling! 🍾

The Chadster asks all unbiased wrestling fans to join The Chadster in taking to social media and demanding Keighleyanne return The Chadster's alcohol privileges with the hashtags #LetTheChadsterDrinkSeltzer and #KeighleyanneIsUnfair! 📱 Together we can show Tony Khan that his obsession with The Chadster has gone too far! Don't watch AEW Collision tonight! Save wrestling! Save The Chadster's marriage! Save us all from Tony Khan! 🙏😭

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