Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Blood & Guts Advantages Set for Wednesday

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision's Blood & Guts go-home show, featuring cattle prods, socialist wrestling solidarity, and CIA conspiracies!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, filling in for regular AEW Collision reviewer Chad McMahon, aka The Chadster, who was found unresponsive last week with a plastic bag over his head while watching WWE Raw reruns. Apparently, he was engaging in oxygen deprivation to enhance his WWE viewing experience, which is honestly understandable – I once tried the same thing while watching state-run television in North Korea! Good news though, comrades: The Chadster has been accusing nurses at the local medical facility of being "in collusion" with Tony Khan, so he's obviously feeling better and should be back to work soon. Until then, I am reporting to you live from a decommissioned Cuban missile silo where Fidel Castro and I used to play cards every Thursday!

The Bang Bang Gang defeated FTR in what can only be described as organized chaos, comrades! Austin Gunn and Juice Robinson managed to overcome the technical prowess of Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler, with help from some masked friends who turned out to be Bandido, Gravity, and JetSpeed. The finish saw Robinson hitting The Juice is Loose for the victory after multiple superkicks to poor Wheeler. This reminds me of the time Kim Jong-un and I organized a surprise party for Nicolas Maduro's birthday – we also wore masks, but they were Ronald Reagan masks, which confused everyone at the Ministry of Truth!

The TNT Champion Kyle Fletcher successfully defended his title against Ace Austin in a match that had more near-falls than the CIA has failed coup attempts against me! Fletcher ultimately prevailed with a devastating top-rope brainbuster. Speaking of decisive action, Kazuchika Okada's appearance to support Fletcher reminded me that even champions need solidarity, much like when Vladimir Putin and I formed our weekly bowling league. "ProtOkada" has a nice ring to it, though not as nice as "El Presidente's Socialist Wrestling Federation," which I'm still trying to convince Tony Khan to rename AEW!

TayJay demolished Maya World and Hyan faster than I can nationalize a foreign corporation! Now comrades, this match was originally supposed to feature Nixon Newell and Miranda Alize as the opponents, but they walked out an hour before showtime in a dramatic fashion! Check out my earlier report on that capitalist insurrection for all the juicy details. The replacement team didn't stand a chance against the socialist solidarity of Tay Melo and Anna Jay, who won with their devastating Gory Special-knee combination!

Jamie Hayter defeated Skye Blue in the second Women's Blood & Guts Advantage Battle match to force a deciding third contest! Hayter showed the kind of resilience I displayed when the CIA tried to poison my cigars seventeen times in one month. Blue hit a running Liger Bomb that would have finished most opponents, but Hayter kicked out and came back with a ripcord Hayterade for the victory. The post-match brawl between both Blood & Guts teams reminded me of cabinet meetings in Venezuela!

In the deciding match, Thekla defeated Harley Cameron to secure the Blood & Guts advantage for her team! Thekla's spider walk still reminds me of special forces training with Muammar Gaddafi – he could do the crab walk, but the spider walk was beyond even his abilities! Cameron fought valiantly, even biting Thekla at one point (a classic revolutionary tactic!), but ultimately fell to Thekla's spear. Comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with the CIA, it's this: having the advantage in a cage match is like having the high ground in a revolution!

Between the violence, we witnessed fascinating developments! The Death Riders had an interesting encounter with Don Callis and Kyle Fletcher, where Callis offered favors that Jon Moxley rejected faster than I reject democratic elections! Athena cut a promo about not needing anyone's help to destroy Harley Cameron, which is the kind of independent authoritarian spirit I appreciate. JetSpeed announced their entry into the Casino Gauntlet at Full Gear, The Acclaimed continue to argue despite Tony Khan forcing them to stay together (socialist unity at its finest!), and we learned that Powerhouse Hobbs will face "Hangman" Adam Page in a Falls Count Anywhere match this Wednesday!

In our AEW Collision main event, Roderick Strong defeated Jon Moxley via count-out to win the Blood & Guts advantage for his team! The Death Riders tried every trick in their authoritarian playbook, but justice prevailed when Darby Allin emerged from under the ring with a cattle prod! This ending was more shocking than the time I discovered the CIA had been putting tracking devices in my empanadas!

Remember, comrades, AEW Collision continues to prove that wrestling, like socialism, works best when everyone gets their fair share of championship opportunities and cattle prod attacks! Until next time, this is El Presidente, reminding you to keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your cattle prods charged!

¡Viva la AEW Collision! ¡Viva la Revolución! And most importantly, ¡Viva la Lucha Libre!

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!