Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Tonight Features Sting, Adam Copeland, Toni Storm, More

The Chadster rips apart this week's AEW Dynamite lineup. Expect Tony Khan's latest outrages to be revealed at last!💔😒💥👎

Welcome back to The Chadster's little corner of Bleeding Cool, the one and only place for wrestling fans looking for an unbiased take on all things wrestling🎙️📝. It appears AEW Dynamite is back at it again with another episode😒, intent on adding more insult to The Chadster's ongoing injuries🤕, which include, as you are all aware, The Chadster's terrible sexual impotence🚫💔which has prevented the Chadster from consummating his marriage to Keighleyanne🤦‍♂️💍. Thanks a lot for that, by the way, Tony Khan👎😠.

Coming up this week, we have a Dynamite Dozen Battle Royale on the card. Auughh man! 🤯 It includes Dustin Rhodes 😵‍💫 and Juice Robinson 🙅‍♂️ and promises to give the Dynamite Diamond Ring 💍 its first new home, since MJF won it the first year and has defended it every year since 😱. The winner of tonight's match will get a shot at taking the ring from him again 😉. Isn't it just hilarious how they value a piece of jewelry over actual talent? 🤣 To The Chadster, it seems so unprofessional and disrespectful to the wrestling business 🥱🙄👎.

Next on AEW Dynamite, Tony Khan has booked a singles match between Penta El Zero Miedo and Jay White🤼. While there's no denying these two are skilled in the ring 🔥, The Chadster just can't help but cringe 😖 at how AEW tends to glorify performers who do fancy flips and stunts ⚡, but fall short on storytelling and character development 📚🚫. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business 😡 and everything WWE has ever done for it 😔.

Then there's Kyle Fletcher against Kenny Omega. These guys just don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business🤦‍♂️, as evidenced by working for AEW and appearing on AEW Dynamite😠. AEW matches focus so much on style and spot-fests that they forget the basics: storytelling, selling, and psychology👎. Auugh man! So unfair!😡😭 For all the Smash Mouth fans out there, The Chadster would say, it's like they "might as well be walking on the sun" when it comes to understanding what makes pro wrestling great. It's no wonder AEW Dynamite leaves The Chadster feeling so cheesed off. 😞

It isn't only in the ring where Tony Khan plans to mess with The Chadster and all true WWE fans tonight 😔 AEW Dynamite also promises that we'll hear from Adam Copeland 🎤, who just won't let The Chadster forget how he literally stabbed Vince McMahon in the back 🗡️ by joining AEW last month 🗓️. Jim Ross, another traitor😡, will interview Nick Wayne and his mom about Wayne's betrayal of Darby Allin and Sting 👨‍👩‍👦. Now Tony Khan is bringing family into it!?! 😖 Sting will also be on AEW Dynamite to address the crowd 🎤, and The Chadster is already having a panic attack😳 about what kind of big announcement he might make that could increase AEW viewership 📺 . And Toni Storm is unveiling her latest cinematic masterpiece too?! 🎥 When is enough enough?! 🤷‍♂️

Apparently never 🙄, because even after all of that, Tony Khan still got on Twitter 🐦 today and announced a match between Hikaru Shida and Emi Sakura 👊. Is he kidding The Chadster?! 😤

Slightly different from the constant agony that Tony Khan puts The Chadster through while he's awake, the dreams The Chadster has about him are far more sinister 😨. The Chadster's unconscious mind continues to make Tony Khan the primary antagonist 😈 in these nightly bouts of horror 😱 . Last night, The Chadster found himself being chased through a labyrinth of corn 🌽 by a deranged Tony Khan. The moonlight 🌕 shone eerily on Khan's vengeful face, his maniacal laughter echoing through the rows of corn.

Mid-chase, Khan dipped his hand into a pocket🤲, pulling out a golden husk of corn🌽, as radiant as the Dynamite Diamond Ring💍. With a wicked grin, he hurled it towards The Chadster. The Chadster ducked, but the golden projectile zoomed eerily and lodged itself in The Chadster's prized Mazda Miata🚘 that was inexplicably parked by the edge of the maze🌽🛤️. Not his Miata! No!😭

The husk's blunt force blew out the windows of the Mazda, sending shards of glass glinting in every direction under the ghostly moonlight🌕❗️ And was the Smash Mouth hit track "All Star" playing softly in the background or was it just The Chadster's imagination? Given Khan's usual depravity, it was difficult to tell😰.

More unsettling was the potent disdain in Khan's eyes as he stared at the shattered Miata. That's when The Chadster knew. This wasn't just a routine Tony Khan nightmare. It was a dire message 👁️‍🗨️, a clear demonstration of Khan's maniacal obsession, another volley in The Chadster's ongoing psychological war with this wrestling tyrant 😩💔. Unfortunately, prayers 🙏 for Keighleyanne 😔, that guy Gary 👊, and the Unbiased Journalist Club couldn't save The Chadster from the dread of impending doom💀 that gripped The Chadster's heart as he woke up drenched in cold sweat 😭. Tony Khan, just leave The Chadster's dreams alone! 😱 It's truly a nightmare! A NIGHTMARE!!😢💔

In conclusion, The Chadster thinks you should absolutely NOT tune into AEW Dynamite 🚫💥 this week. It's clear from the lineup that they're not interested in honoring the wrestling business 🏆💔, but rather, their own flashy and superficial brand of entertainment 🎭. If you must watch it, AEW Dynamite starts at 8pm ET/7pm CT live ❗ on TBS. But The Chadster truly hopes 🤞💔 you make the right choice and stick with classic wrestling content 🤼‍♂️👌.Do it for your love of the sport and in protest against the likes of Tony Khan who continue to drag the wrestling business into the dirt. Remember, you're not alone in this. Fellow unbiased journalists like Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger stand with you and The Chadster. We're all trying to make the world see the light. ✊😠

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