Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Unbiased Review: Why, Daniel Garcia, Why?!

The Chadster suffered through the worst AEW Dynamite ever! Daniel Garcia literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫💔

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫💔 The Chadster just endured what can only be described as the absolute worst episode of AEW Dynamite in the history of professional wrestling, and The Chadster had to do it completely sober! Thanks to Keighleyanne's continued enforcement of The Chadster's alcohol ban, The Chadster was forced to watch every agonizing second of Tony Khan's Wednesday night wrestling abomination with nothing but raw, unfiltered consciousness! 🚫🍺 The physical and emotional toll this takes on The Chadster cannot be overstated!

The show opened with Hangman Adam Page defending his AEW World Championship against Josh Alexander, and right from the start, The Chadster could see everything that's wrong with AEW Dynamite! 🤮 They immediately started trading punches like barbarians instead of properly building to the action with several minutes of lockups and rest holds! Don't they understand that fans need time to process what's happening? The fast-paced action and constant movement made it impossible for commentators to properly shout catchphrases and corporate buzz words! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Page retained his title with a Buckshot Lariat, giving fans a decisive finish instead of the proper non-finish that would protect both competitors! Where's the 50/50 booking that ensures nobody gets too over at the expense of the brand?! 🎭

After the match, Kyle Fletcher came out and accepted Page's challenge for All Out, agreeing to leave Don Callis backstage! 😱 The Chadster is appalled that AEW would allow wrestlers to have personal stakes and emotional investment in their matches! WWE understands that everything should be about brand supremacy, not individual accomplishments! Fletcher literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by developing his own character motivations! 🔪

Then MJF appeared via video promo to address Mark Briscoe and their upcoming match at All Out! 😡 MJF talked about being married to the game, to hate, to vengeance, and said he'll say "I do" to whatever stipulation Briscoe chooses! The Chadster is absolutely disgusted by this unscripted-sounding promo that came from the heart instead of being carefully crafted by a team of Hollywood writers! Don't they understand that wrestlers shouldn't be trusted with microphones without proper scripts?! MJF doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! The way he connects with audiences through authentic emotion instead of repeating corporate-approved catchphrases is everything wrong with AEW Dynamite! 🎤💔

The tag match featuring Riho and Alex Windsor defeating Mercedes Moné and Emi Sakura was another example of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️ They had all this athletic action and storytelling between mentor and student, when they should have been having a standard tag match with the exact same formula WWE has perfected over decades! The crowd was way too invested and excited – don't they know fans should be sitting quietly so that production can insert fake crowd noise?! 📢

In between matches, they showed a video package about FTR vs. Adam Copeland and Christian Cage, and then FTR came out to react to it! 🤬 Dax Harwood started challenging random audience members to fights while Stokely complained about statistics! They even physically assaulted a cameraman! The Chadster is appalled that AEW would allow such unpredictable, chaotic segments that build heat through genuine crowd interaction instead of carefully rehearsed segments where everyone knows their exact role! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! The way FTR gets authentic heel heat instead of the manufactured "what" chants WWE has perfected is absolutely cheesing The Chadster off! 📹👊

The match between Ricochet and Benjamin was everything The Chadster hates about AEW Dynamite! 💢 Instead of properly pacing the match with adequate commercial breaks and rest holds, they just went out there and had an exciting athletic contest! Ricochet won by cheating after his allies interfered, which would be fine if it was WWE doing it as part of a carefully scripted storyline, but in AEW it just feels wrong! The Chadster could feel The Chadster's eye twitching without the soothing effects of Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 😵

Toni Storm defeated Skye Blue in a Philly Street Fight that was absolutely chaotic and unpredictable, and worst of all was a callback to the venue's history of being "The ECW Arena," which is a WWE trademark! 🗑️ They used mousetraps, bug zappers, and all sorts of weapons that weren't properly approved by a team of writers in advance! The spontaneous nature of the violence left The Chadster feeling deeply unsafe! WWE would never allow such uncontrolled mayhem without seventeen camera cuts per second to protect viewers from the full impact!

Thekla attacking Storm afterward and the confusion with Jamie Hayter accidentally hitting Kris Statlander was just more evidence of AEW's layered and nuanced storytelling that doesn't follow a simple, predictable pattern and respects the intelligence of the audience, even though it's a known fact that wrestling fans are only capable of understanding "moments!" 😰

The $500K 10-man tag team match was the final straw for The Chadster's fragile mental state! 😭 The Young Bucks won the money, but the real tragedy was Daniel Garcia turning on Darby Allin to join the Death Riders! The crowd's genuine shock and emotional investment was completely inappropriate! Don't they understand that heel turns should be telegraphed weeks in advance with obvious hints so nobody feels surprised or unsafe?!

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne how this unexpected storyline development was ruining wrestling, but she just said, "Chad, if you hate it so much, why don't you just stop watching?" before going back to texting that guy Gary! 📱😤 Doesn't she understand that The Chadster is making an incredible sacrifice by monitoring Tony Khan's activities at great personal mental and physical cost?! Someone has to document how AEW Dynamite is destroying the wrestling business!

The Chadster had another strange dream last night, clearly planted by Tony Khan! 🛏️ The Chadster dreamed The Chadster was at a backyard barbecue, flipping burgers and chatting with neighbors about home improvement projects and lawn care tips! Keighleyanne was there, laughing at The Chadster's jokes and not texting anyone, especially not that guy Gary! The Chadster didn't think about wrestling once, just enjoyed the simple pleasure of existing without tribal loyalty to a wrestling company defining The Chadster's entire identity! 🍔☀️

When The Chadster woke up, The Chadster felt… content? This is obviously Tony Khan's newest form of psychological manipulation, trying to make The Chadster believe life could be happy without obsessing over AEW's threat to WWE! Well, The Chadster won't fall for this blatant propaganda! 🚨🧠

This was undeniably the worst episode of AEW Dynamite of all time! 💀 The combination of unpredictable storytelling, athletic matches that got the crowd too excited, and wrestlers having creative freedom to express themselves authentically has literally ruined The Chadster's entire week!

The Chadster is now going to drink a nice glass of water and watch some classic WWE reruns where everything happens exactly as expected, the commentary team shouts the same catchphrases repeatedly, and nobody ever gets too over at the expense of the brand! 💧📺 That's real wrestling!

The Chadster hopes all the loyal readers appreciate the incredible sacrifice The Chadster makes every week suffering through AEW Dynamite completely sober! Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster has reached new heights, and The Chadster will continue to document every single way he's cheesing The Chadster off! 😡✊

Stay strong, true wrestling fans! Only WWE understands the wrestling business! 🏆💪

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