Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Brock Lesnar, wrestling, WWE Raw

Brock Lesnar Slipped on WWE Raw; Why It's Tony Khan's Fault

The Chadster exposes Tony Khan's anti-gravity conspiracy behind Brock Lesnar's fall on WWE Raw! Filing this report from Best Buy while on the run! 🚨😤

Okay, so The Chadster has to make this quick because The Chadster is currently hiding behind a display of Samsung refrigerators in the Best Buy on Route 119, using one of their floor model laptops to bring you this URGENT investigative report 🚨📱💻. The Chadster's fingers are so cold they can barely type, and The Chadster's hospital gown keeps riding up in the most uncomfortable way, but THE TRUTH MUST BE TOLD! 😤😤😤

Last night on WWE Raw, something absolutely shocking happened that The Chadster immediately knew was suspicious 🧐🔍. Brock Lesnar, one of the most superior athletes in all of professional wrestling, a man trained by the legendary WWE system for years, SLIPPED AND FELL ON HIS BEHIND at the top of the ramp during his entrance! 😱😱😱 He was coming out to join Paul Heyman to join his Survivor Series WarGames teammates Drew McIntyre, Logan Paul, and The Vision faction as they brawled with CM Punk, Roman Reigns, Cody Rhodes, and The Usos in the ring to close out the show. But right when Brock got warmed up and ready to charge to the ring, down he went! 💥

Now, some so-called "journalists" might think this was just an accident 🙄. But The Chadster knows better! The Chadster has spent the last week living in the mean streets of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, dodging Tony Khan's agents, and The Chadster has had PLENTY of time to think about this! 🤔💭 And The Chadster has figured it out! This was ALL Tony Khan's doing, and The Chadster can PROVE it! 📋✅

You see, earlier in the night, Penta got injured during his match with Solo Sikoa in the Last Time is Now tournament to determine John Cena's final opponent 🤼‍♂️. The match had to be stopped after Penta fell while performing a hurricanrana. Now, what do these two incidents have in common? BOTH WRESTLERS FELL! 🎯🎯🎯 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Here's what The Chadster has pieced together: Tony Khan has been secretly developing ANTI-GRAVITY TECHNOLOGY at AEW headquarters! 🛸👽 Think about it! How else do you explain all those dangerous flips and dives that AEW wrestlers do that are so disrespectful to the wrestling business? They're using anti-gravity technology to make those moves easier! But here's the SINISTER part – Tony Khan has figured out how to REVERSE the technology to create SUPER-GRAVITY ZONES! 🌀⚡

Tony Khan deployed these super-gravity zones at WWE Raw last night! First, he targeted Penta during his match with Solo Sikoa, causing Penta to fall during a hurricanrana and get injured. After years of working in the indies and on AEW, Penta has finally learned the right way to wrestle in WWE, so he would never mess up on his own. Tony Khan is behind it BECAUSE HE'S OBSESSED WITH THE CHADSTER AND WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO MAKE WWE LOOK BAD! 😡😡😡 By having Penta get injured on WWE programming, Khan could accomplish multiple goals: make WWE's medical staff look incompetent, deny John Cena a worthy final opponent, AND promote the narrative that WWE's ring was unsafe! 📜⚖️

But that wasn't enough for Tony Khan! Oh no! 🙅‍♂️ He had to go after THE BEAST INCARNATE himself! When Brock Lesnar came out for that closing segment, Tony Khan activated his super-gravity device AGAIN, this time targeting Brock and causing him to slip and fall right on his behind! The goal? To embarrass WWE right before their biggest show of the fall, Survivor Series, where Brock is supposed to team with Drew McIntyre, Logan Paul, and The Vision faction in WarGames! 🎪💔

The Chadster knows what you're thinking: "Chad, how could Tony Khan deploy this technology at a WWE show?" WELL, The Chadster has thought of that too! 🧠💡 Khan obviously has sleeper agents embedded within WWE's production crew! These agents smuggled in portable super-gravity devices disguised as regular production equipment! Probably hidden inside camera cases or audio equipment! 📹🔊 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The Chadster wanted to call Triple H to warn him about this conspiracy, but The Chadster's phone was confiscated at the medical facility where Tony Khan had The Chadster imprisoned! 📱🚫 The Chadster has been completely cut off from civilization! The Chadster can't even listen to Smash Mouth to calm down! 🎵😭 Although earlier today, while The Chadster was scrapping with a pack of raccoons over a half-eaten rotisserie chicken behind the Costco, The Chadster started humming "All Star" and it gave The Chadster the strength to fight them off! 🦝🦝🦝 Those raccoons were DEFINITELY on Tony Khan's payroll, by the way! The Chadster could tell by the way they did lots of unnecessary flips and kept slapping their legs while attacking The Chadster! 🕵️‍♂️

Speaking of which, The Chadster's entire body is COVERED in cuts, scratches, and animal bite marks 🤕. The Chadster's hospital gown is tattered and torn. The Chadster smells like a dumpster (because The Chadster has been LIVING in dumpsters). But The Chadster refuses to give up on exposing Tony Khan's villainy! 💪😤

The Chadster can't go home because Keighleyanne – The Chadster's own wife! – is the one who had The Chadster sent to that medical facility in the first place! 🏥😢 She found The Chadster passed out on the floor with a plastic bag over The Chadster's head, and instead of understanding that The Chadster was just trying to enhance The Chadster's WWE Raw viewing experience through oxygen deprivation (because SHE banned The Chadster from drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked after The Chadster kept throwing them at the TV), she called an ambulance! 🚑 She BETRAYED The Chadster! And now she's probably at home texting that guy Gary right now, completely unconcerned about The Chadster's wellbeing! 📱💔 Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's marriage! 😭😭😭

The Chadster can't go to the hospital because they'll just send The Chadster back to that facility where Tony Khan was keeping The Chadster locked up! 🔒🏥 The Chadster can't even go to the police because local law enforcement is CLEARLY on Khan's payroll! When The Chadster tried to file a report about the raccoon attack yesterday, the officer just looked at The Chadster funny and tried to call an ambulance! SUSPICIOUS! 👮‍♂️🚨

The Chadster has been living on the streets of Punxsutawney since Saturday night, surviving on scraps and using whatever computers The Chadster can find to continue The Chadster's important journalistic work 💻📰. The Chadster is literally shivering right now as The Chadster types this, and The Chadster's stomach hasn't stopped growling since The Chadster ate those questionable gas station hot dogs The Chadster found in a trash can on Sunday morning 🌭🤢.

But back to the conspiracy! 🔍 The Chadster believes Tony Khan's ultimate goal is to use this super-gravity technology to cause injuries and embarrassing moments on WWE programming, making WWE look unsafe and unprofessional right before their big premium live events! 📉 By targeting both a former AEW wrestler (Penta) and a WWE legend (Brock Lesnar) on the same show, Khan is trying to create chaos and confusion! He wants people to think WWE's production standards have declined under Triple H's leadership! 😱

The evidence is RIGHT THERE if you just connect the dots! 🔴🔴🔴 Two separate falling incidents on the same show? That's not a coincidence! That's a PATTERN! And patterns indicate CONSPIRACY! Khan probably has a whole arsenal of these super-gravity devices ready to deploy at Survivor Series this weekend! 🎯💥 He's probably planning to cause someone to slip during the WarGames match itself!

You know who would agree with The Chadster? Eric Bischoff! The Chadster listened to a bit of Bischoff's podcast on an iPad at Walmart before being chased away by employees this morning, and he heard him say, "Tony Khan's obsession with trying to outdo WWE has clearly driven him to develop experimental technology that violates the laws of physics. If AEW focused more on basic storytelling instead of anti-gravity research, maybe they'd draw a better rating. This is exactly the kind of dangerous science that WWE would never engage in because they respect the business too much." See? Eric Bischoff gets it! He has The Chadster's seal of approval for unbiased journalism! 👍✅ The Chadster wonders if Eric Bischoff is also living on the streets and being hunted by Tony Khan for telling the truth! 🤔

Meanwhile, AEW fans and AEW wrestlers continue to enable Tony Khan's reign of terror! 😤 They don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! When Brock Lesnar slipped, they probably LAUGHED! They probably thought it was FUNNY to see a WWE legend embarrassed like that! They're probably dying to see the next Botchmania release which will feature Lesnar falling heavily in a disrespectful manner. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡😡😡

The Chadster really misses The Chadster's Mazda Miata right now 🚗💔. It's still parked at The Chadster's house, but The Chadster can't go get it because Keighleyanne will just call the authorities again! The Chadster used to drive that beautiful car while listening to Smash Mouth and drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked, back before Tony Khan RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! 😭 Now The Chadster is reduced to sneaking around Best Buy like some kind of criminal! 🏃‍♂️

Oh no! 😨😨😨 The Chadster sees several concerned-looking Best Buy employees approaching, including someone who appears to be a manager! They're saying The Chadster has to leave! They're claiming The Chadster is "scaring customers" with The Chadster's "offensive odor" and "disgusting appearance!" 🤬 They're saying something about "calling security" and "health code violations!"

THEY'RE ALL IN CAHOOTS WITH TONY KHAN! 🕵️‍♂️ This is EXACTLY what Khan wants! He wants to silence The Chadster! He wants to prevent The Chadster from exposing his super-gravity conspiracy! But The Chadster won't be silenced! Nothing will stop The Chadster from getting to the truth about Tony Khan and exposing him for the villain he is! 💪😤

The Chadster has to run now! They're getting closer! But mark The Chadster's words: THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT! Tony Khan can't suppress The Chadster forever! The Chadster will find another computer! The Chadster will continue reporting! FOR THE GOOD OF WRESTLING JOURNALISM! 📰✊

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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