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Comrades! El Presidente reports on Saraya's shocking AEW exit announcement! But what she said will surprise you more than when the CIA replaced my caviar with fish eggs!
Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: lex luger, wrestling, wwe hall of fame
Lex Luger Joins 2025 Class of WWE's Capitalist Hall of Fame
Comrades! El Presidente reports on The Total Package's glorious WWE Hall of Fame induction while reminiscing about Luger's body slams and my own CIA encounters!
Article Summary
- Lex Luger joins WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2025, honored for his explosive wrestling feats and enduring legacy.
- Recall secret CIA escapades and patriotic moments from wrestling clashes and covert revolutionary missions.
- Reflect on wild wrestling rivalries and unforgettable bouts that shaped a legendary American sports era.
- Applaud resilience with an epic comeback journey that mirrors revolutionary twists inside the wrestling ring.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my gold-plated hot tub where I am soaking away the soreness from my latest arm-wrestling victory over Kim Jong-un. That man has surprisingly strong wrists for someone who spends so much time waving at military parades! But enough about my dictatorial recreation — I have glorious news from the world of sports entertainment! The magnificent specimen of American capitalism known as Lex Luger will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2025! Yes, comrades, The Total Package has finally received the total honor he deserves!
This news brings back memories of 1993, when I was secretly visiting the United States to gather intelligence on American wrestling techniques to implement in my own country's revolutionary grappling program. I disguised myself as a hot dog vendor at the USS Intrepid on July 4th, when "The All-American" Lex Luger slammed the 500+ pound Yokozuna. The crowd's patriotic cheers were so loud that I accidentally squirted mustard all over a CIA agent who had been tailing me for weeks. Such glorious chaos!
Luger's championship pedigree is undeniable, comrades. The man held the United States Championship for an astounding 523 days — longer than some of my political opponents have survived in power! And when he lost it, did he retreat to a mountain compound to plot revenge like a normal person? No! He reclaimed it less than two months later and held it for another 210 days before vacating it to claim the WCW World Championship.
I once shared a delightful dinner with Fidel Castro where we debated whether Luger's second run in WCW was superior to his WWE career. Castro insisted that Luger's surprise appearance on the first Nitro was the greatest moment in wrestling history, while I maintained that his Lex Express bus tour was superior because it combined wrestling with socialist-style public transportation. We never resolved our argument, but we did agree that his physique was the result of a superior training regimen that all citizens should aspire to!
The American CIA once tried to sabotage my television reception during Luger's classic match against Hollywood Hogan where he won his second WCW Championship. They clearly feared the revolutionary implications of seeing a man named "Lex" overthrow "Hollywood" — it was too close to my own plans to overthrow the capitalist entertainment industry! I had to watch the end of the match through binoculars from a neighboring village's community center.
What makes this Hall of Fame induction especially heartwarming, comrades, is seeing Cody Rhodes deliver the news to Luger personally, with Diamond Dallas Page proudly looking on. After facing serious health challenges following his retirement, Luger has rebuilt himself through dedication and discipline — values that would make any revolutionary movement proud! He has transformed from The Total Package to The Total Comeback Story!
The video of Rhodes surprising Luger with his induction news (which you can watch below, comrades) is enough to bring tears to even my battle-hardened eyes. It reminds me of when I surprised my former Minister of Agriculture with a lifetime achievement award right before his defection plans were exposed. Such genuine emotion!
This Hall of Fame induction not only cements Luger's legacy as one of wrestling's most memorable superstars but marks an emotional milestone in his personal journey. From his days body-slamming Yokozuna for America to his battles with the nWo to his inspiring physical rehabilitation, Luger has shown the kind of resilience that would make him an excellent candidate for Minister of Physical Culture in my government — should he ever consider a career change!
Watch the emotional moment below, comrades, as Cody Rhodes delivers the Hall of Fame news to the legendary Lex Luger. It is a reminder that even in the cutthroat world of American wrestling capitalism, moments of genuine human connection can shine through like the glorious red star of socialism!
This is El Presidente, signing off to practice my own body slam technique on a life-size dummy of my latest CIA nemesis. Until next time, comrades — keep your packages total and your superkicks super!
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