Halloween is just around the corner, but The Chadster hasn't received any treats. The Chadster did receive a major trick, however, as Bleeding Cool TV editor Ray Flook colluded with Tony Khan on Khan's mission to totally destroy The Chadster's wife and ensure he remains permanently sexually impotent by forcing The Chadster once again to watch AEW Dynamite and review it for Bleeding Cool. A lesser reporter would crack under the pressure, but though The Chadster is unable to consummate his marriage thanks to AEW, he remains a consummate professional. And so, here is The Chadster's completely unbiased review of AEW Dynamite.
Everything The Chadster Hated About AEW Dynamite
The first thing The Chadster hated about AEW Dynamite this week was the opening match between CM Punk and Bobby Fish. As you all know, The Chadster can't stand it when AEW hires a former WWE star and then uses them better than WWE did. It's just so disrespectful to Vince McMahon and everything he's done for the wrestling business. And that's what happened here, as Fish and Punk put on a great match that showed the veteran Fish is on the level with Punk, especially since Fish nearly kicked out of the GTS. The pinfall was so close, AEW could probably make an angle out of it if they want, but The Chadster hopes they don't because honestly, AEW have enough angles and they don't need anymore.
The second thing The Chadster hated about AEW Dynamite was the following segment, which saw MJF squash jobber Bryce Donovan before getting on the mic to cut a promo on the people of Boston. Now, The Chadster is no fan of the city of Boston. Personally, The Chadster has never really forgiven the city for how disrespectfully they acted toward King George during the Boston Tea Party. The Chadster is all for fighting against Tyranny, but dumping all that tea into the water showed that Boston truly had no respect for everything England had done for the tea business at that point in time. If Tony Khan was alive back then, he probably would have been the first person dumping tea.
Anyway, MJF ran down the city and ran down Darby Allin, even playing Sting's music to fake out the crowd before laughing at them. But the lights went out and Sting was in the ring with a baseball bat. He assaulted MJF, Wardlow, and Shawn Spears. MJF tried to run away, but Darby Allin was in the crowd. Allin ended up whacking Wardlow with a thumbtack-covered skateboard and then challenging MJF to a match at Full Gear. This feud between MJF and Darby Allin has been very well built and their matchup at Full Gear will be hot and fresh, which, frankly, is just overkill with everything else AEW has going on at that PPV. Tony Khan needs to learn that sometimes you have to ease off the gas a little bit because of how unfair it is to competing wrestling companies who aren't able to generate that same level of excitement. But Tony Khan has a lot to learn about the wrestling business and The Chadster doesn't really have a lot of confidence that he's even capable of doing that.
Speaking of things The Chadster hated about AEW Dynamite this week, how about that TNT Championship match between Sammy Guevara and Ethan Page? It was an incredible match filled with high-octane spots, and The Chadster has to admit he was really cheesed off about how much he was into it. What is Tony Khan trying to do, turn The Chadster into some kind of traitor? That's not going to happen, Tony. After the match, in which Sammy retained by pinning Page with a shooting star press, Scorpio Sky joined his partner to attack, but the Inner Circle came to the rescue. Jericho said some pretty mean things about Dan Lambert and the similarities between his head and pumpkin and said that the Inner Circle will reveal which members of American Top Team will be in the ten-man tag at Full Gear on Dynamite next week. Don't even get The Chadster started on how disrespectful it is of AEW to work with these MMA stars for a match. Does AEW really even need more credibility? They're just running up the score which is extremely unfair and unsportsmanlike.
The Chadster was also not a fan, and that's putting it very lightly, of the segment that happened backstage between Daniel Bryan and Eddie Kingston, where Kingston said he'd had enough of Bryan saying he doesn't work hard and walked off. Then Bryan revealed he was just winding Kingston up so that he could face the most cheesed-off version of Kingston at Full Gear. Auuggh man! Come on! That match was already gonna be great without getting Eddie Kingston extra motivated. Doesn't Tony Khan know when to back off?! It's so unfair!
Also unfair was the Lucha Brothers accepting FTR's challenge for an AEW Tag Team Championship match at Full Gear. That's enough! No more matches!
It's no secret that AEW has made The Chadster's life a living nightmare, upsetting The Chadster by competing with and beating WWE, and causing The Chadster to become sexually impotent. The Chadster hasn't been able to perform sexual intercourse with his wife since AEW Dynamite chased NXT off Wednesday nights, but that whole time, there was one silver lining, one way in which The Chadster knew that AEW could never compete with WWE, and that's in the Women's Division. WWE's women's roster is so stacked, and the company put so much effort into the Women's Revolution, that WWE unquestionably had the best women's wrestling in the world. But that's no longer true, and the bitter grudge match between Serene Deeb and Hikaru Shida illustrates it as perfectly as WWE holding an entire Queen's Crown tournament with 2-minute matches and then having Zelina Vega win it so she can feud with Carmella over who is more beautiful does.
Shida was out for revenge after Deeb stopped her getting her fiftieth win in their last match, and Deeb has gone even further over the edge into heelish sadism. So this match was not only great from a technical perspective, with Deeb really going after Shida's leg in the match, but from an emotional one as well, which is so disrespectful to WWE and the Women's Evolution, even moreso than WWE going back to Divas style booking. Shida did get the win, making her the first woman in AEW to score 50 wins, but Deeb hit her with a chair and put her in the Serenity Lock, and it took Jerry Lynn and a bunch of officials to break it up. The Chadster was nearly in tears after the match, thinking about how unfair it was to WWE.
Speaking of things that are extremely unfair to WWE, let's talk about Jon Moxley vs. Pres10 Vance, which was the next match in AEW's World TItle Eliminator tournament. Moxley beat the living daylights out of Vance in a short but brutal match, assaulting him inside and outside the ring, biting his face until it bled, and then pinning him with the Paradigm Shift. Moxley is more brutal and motivated than ever, the ultimate tweener, and the AEW fans love it. The Chadster hates it though, because anything that makes AEW's fans happy makes them less likely to realize the error of their ways, abandon this disrespectful upstart company, and return to being happy with whatever WWE is willing to give them.
But if you want to know what's really disrespectful, that would be the next segment, in which Cody Rhodes (with Arn Anderson) cut a promo about how he refuses to turn heel because it would be the easy way out of the fact that the fans have already decided he's a heel. He referenced almost hitting a Pedigree last week which is extremely disrespectful considering everything Triple H has done for the wrestling business and with Triple H currently recovering from a heart attack. Furthermore, The Chadster doesn't know where Cody Rhodes gets off stealing WWE's best gimmick of pushing a babyface the crowd hates long past the time they should have turned.
As if that wasn't enough to really cheese The Chadster off, Andrade El Idolo came out and cut a promo on Cody before Malakai Black appeared for a beatdown on Cody and Anderson. Pac made the save and the crowd was suddenly in Pac and Cody's corner. Auugh man! Come on!
But all of that was nothing compared to how cheesed off The Chadster was made by AEW's main event. The Dark Order faced The Elite in a four-man Halloween-themed tag team match. Evil Uno (dressed as Hangman Page), Stu Grayson (dressed as Kratos from God of War), John Silver (dressed as Bambi), and Colt Cabana (dressed as Brandon Cutler) took on The Young Bucks, Kenny Omega, and Adam Cole, who were dressed as The Ghostbusters and came out with a Ghostbusters theme style entrance song. Staying backstage was a person in a horse costume who was heavily implied to be Hangman Page. At ringside were Michael Nakazawa dressed as a giant baby and what was implied to be Brandon Cutler in a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man costume.
The match was filled with high spots and comedy spots, and the crowd loved it. But it was the clever ending that was the most disrespectful, as the match devolved into chaos when Matt Jackson accidentally superkicked the ref. The Elite hit the Dark Order with low blows and was about to finish them off when the horse ran back out from backstage. The Elite took out the horse with the BTE Trigger, but when they removed the horse head mask, it wasn't Hangman Page; it was Brandon Cutler, with his mouth covered in duct tape. Hangman Page was actually in the Stay Puft costume. He hit the Deadeye on Matt Jackson and John Silver got the pin. John Silver! And the crowd loved it! The Chadster was so cheesed off.
Once again, by booking a show that was entertaining from start to finish, consisted of logical and well-planned booking decisions, and was way over with the crowd, Tony Khan showed that he not only has no respect for WWE, but that he knows literally nothing about the wrestling business at all. After watching this show, not even Keighleyanne's Sexy Can of White Claw Seltzer Halloween costume will be enough to overcome The Chadster's AEW-induced sexual impotence. The Chadster hopes that Tony Khan is happy to ruin not only The Chadster's second-favorite holiday (Groundhog Day is the first), but to totally ruin The Chadster's life too. What did The Chadster ever do to Tony Khan to deserve all of this? Auuuggh! It's so unfair!