Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, wrestling

Preview AEW Rampage as The Chadster Meets The Devil at a Car Wash

It's all just too unfair! Tony Khan's plans a crowd-thrilling triple-threat match for AEW Rampage, and a devil ruins The Chadster's prized Miata all in one day! 😡🚙

Just when The Chadster thinks he's seen it all, AEW Rampage announces a "Lucha del Dia de Los Muertos" triple threat match involving El Hijo del Vikingo, Penta El Zero Miedo, and Komander. 🙀🙀 You've gotta be kidding The Chadster! 😲 This has Tony Khan's fingerprints all over it. 👀

Now, don't mistake The Chadster. These three can wrestle, no dispute about that. But having all three of them in the same match? Doing all their death-defying, high-flying, acrobatic maneuvers? 🤼‍♂️🤸‍♂️ Auughh man! So unfair! 🤦‍♂️ It's just so clear that this is yet another ploy by Tony Khan to give himself and AEW an advantage over WWE. 🏋️‍♀️💔 It's like he's literally stabbing Vince McMahon right in the back. 🔪💔

As if that wasn't enough, the rest of the AEW Rampage lineup just pours salt into the wound. Skye Blue vs. Marina Shafir, Trent Beretta vs. Daniel Garcia, and The Gunns vs. Christopher Daniels and Matt Sydal. 🙄 It's all just icing on the cake of disrespect towards WWE. 🎂💔 Tony Khan and AEW just don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 👎👎

Now, The Chadster has to tell you, dear readers, a very suspicious thing happened today. 🕵️‍♂️ The Chadster took his beautiful Mazda Miata to the car wash to get her all shiny. 🚗💦 Just as the wash started, a man in a devil mask – yes, just like that one on AEW – jumped out from the back seat and kept pressing the button to stop the roof from closing! 🚗💦👹🚨

Before The Chadster knew what was happening, the masked villain was practically flying from the backseat, all elbows and knees, unrolling himself into The Chadster's personal space. As if using sorcery, he contorted his body and seemed move in too many directions at once. His fingers were quick and nimble, flicking across buttons, and in an instant, the trusted roof of The Chadster's Miata was gaping open, exposing them to the onslaught of soap and water from the automated car wash system. 💧🤼‍♂️🚗

There was a struggle. Nothing like the tribulations of a WWE Superstar, but The Chadster was giving it everything. The masked man's slippery form was difficult to grasp. The Chadster's hands kept sliding off his soap-smeared leather jacket, slick as an eel. He was squinting through the foam as the sudsy onslaught turned a light afternoon gathering into a blasted tempest. ⛈️🌪️🌨️

The Chadster fought back like a lion, like brave Sami Zayn, frustrated yet determined. The man's wiry strength was surprising, and he moved around in the car's confined space with shocking agility. Try as The Chadster might, he continually slipped through The Chadster's grip, the slippery car wash soap to thank for his quicksilver escape. 💪😡

There were fleeting moments that felt strangely intimate, a poignant mix of aggression and adrenaline. Time and again, The Chadster and the man's bodies bumped together in that tight cockpit of hand-washed leather and power-ventilated seats. The Chadster's desperate attempts to apprehend the intruder grew more fervent, their determination warring with the frustration welling up inside. 💦😵

As quickly as the chaos had risen, it subsided. The masked man managed to slip away, leaving The Chaster's prized vehicle a disastrous mess. Auughh man! So unfair! The car wash was over, the rainstorm of soap and water subsided, leaving not a single trace of the infiltrator, aside from a soaking wet and sudsy Chadster along with his upholstery and Smash Mouth tape collection. 💔🧼🚙

The Chadster tells you, friends, it was pretty dang terrifying! It was the very definition of chaos! Who else but Tony Khan would arrange such a bizarre and horrifying sabotage? The Chadster holds him wholly responsible! 😡😡 Tony Khan owes The Chadster a full detailing for his Miata! 💰💰

So, dear readers, The Chadster implores you: tonight, choose to stand on the righteous side of wrestling. 🙏 Do not encourage AEW's unfair advantage and disregard for the wrestling business by watching AEW Rampage tonight. 🖥️🚫 Remember, friends, respect is a two-lane road, just like the one The Chadster likes to tear down in his freshly-washed Miata. Until Tony Khan learns to respect WWE and its devoted fans, The Chadster asks only that you stay strong, stay informed, and keep rooting for the true champions of professional wrestling. WWE. 🏆🏋️‍♀️💪🙏

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