Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: CM Punk Returns! AEW Could Never Top This!

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, featuring CM Punk's return! Plus, Xavier Woods' new alliance and Sonya Deville in action. Tony Khan, eat your heart out! 🔥🏆

The Chadster is so excited to tell you about tonight's episode of WWE Raw! 😍😍😍 This is shaping up to be potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster can't wait to watch it! 🎉🔥

First up on WWE Raw, we've got the return of CM Punk! 🙌 Auughh man! So unfair to AEW that WWE has such an amazing superstar on their roster now. 😤 The Chadster knows that Tony Khan must be seething with jealousy over this. Punk's been absent for a whole week, which is basically an eternity in WWE time, and The Chadster can't wait to hear what The Voice of the Voiceless has to say about his potential match with Drew McIntyre at SummerSlam. 🎤💪

Speaking of McIntyre, The Scottish Warrior has been causing some trouble lately, lashing out at Adam Pearce and the Raw security officials. 😠 But you know what? That's exactly the kind of intense, real emotion that makes WWE Raw so much better than AEW. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW tries to manufacture drama like this. 🙄

Next up on WWE Raw, we've got Xavier Woods teaming up with Otis and Akira Tozawa to take on The Final Testament! 👊💥 With Kofi Kingston out of action, Woods needs new allies, and The Chadster thinks this is the perfect combination. It's like WWE took everything great about wrestling and multiplied it by a thousand! Tony Khan could never come up with something this creative and exciting. 😂

The Chadster is also pumped for the women's match on WWE Raw between Lyra Valkyria and Sonya Deville. 👩‍🤼‍♀️👩‍🤼‍♀️ Deville is part of an awesome new trio with Shayna Baszler and Zoey Stark, and The Chadster can't wait to see if she can make it two wins in a row. This is the kind of women's wrestling that puts AEW to shame. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about showcasing female talent like WWE does. 🤦‍♂️

The Chadster has to say, this lineup for WWE Raw is absolutely stacked! 🏆 It's clear that WWE is operating on a completely different level than AEW. Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this. In fact, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night that proves just how obsessed he is with trying to compete with WWE. 😰

In the dream, The Chadster was walking through a giant arena filled with cheering WWE fans. Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared, riding a giant White Claw can like a mechanical bull. 🏄‍♂️ He was throwing AEW t-shirts into the crowd, trying to convert the WWE faithful. The Chadster tried to stop him, but every time The Chadster got close, Tony would splash White Claw in The Chadster's face. It was terrifying and also weirdly… thrilling? 🙈 When The Chadster woke up, he was drenched in sweat and had to check to make sure there weren't any AEW shirts in the bedroom. Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading his dreams! 😤

Anyway, back to WWE Raw. The Chadster wants to make it clear that if you're a true wrestling fan, you have a duty to tune in tonight. 📺 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible WWE Raw card clearly doesn't understand the first thing about professional wrestling. It's like they've literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪

The Chadster tried to explain all this to his wife, Keighleyanne, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster knows she agrees with him deep down, even if she doesn't say it. It's just that Tony Khan has found a way to harass The Chadster's wife too, probably by hypnotizing Gary or something. 🧙‍♂️

In conclusion, WWE Raw is going to be the most amazing show ever tonight, and The Chadster will be watching after taking a nice drive in his Mazda Miata while drinking White Claw and listening to Smash Mouth. 🚗🍺🎵 That's the only way to truly appreciate the artistry of WWE. Don't let Tony Khan and AEW cheese you off by trying to compete with this level of excellence. Tune in to WWE Raw tonight and witness wrestling perfection! 💯🏅🏆

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