Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling

WWE Raw Preview: The Final Raw Before WrestleMania

Tonight's WWE Raw is stacked and Tony Khan is SO jealous! Roman, Punk, Seth, Gunther, Liv, Bayley, and AJ all set to appear on Netflix! 🔥🍹

Before previewing WWE Raw, The Chadster would like to begin this post by apologizing 😤 for the absolutely disgraceful review of AEW Collision that The Chadster's brother, The Bradster, posted here on Bleeding Cool over the weekend. 😖 The Chadster cannot believe that The Bradster would betray The Chadster's journalistic integrity by saying positive things about Tony Khan's inferior wrestling product. 😡 The Chadster wants the readers to know that The Bradster does not represent The Chadster's unbiased views on professional wrestling, and The Chadster is seriously considering never inviting him over for White Claws ever again. 🍹

Now, onto something actually worth talking about – tonight's episode of WWE Raw on Netflix! 🎉 The Chadster is absolutely stoked about what promises to be the most incredible episode of WWE Raw in the history of professional wrestling. 💯 This is what real wrestling is all about, not that flippy-floppy nonsense that Tony Khan tries to pass off as sports entertainment. 🙄

First up on WWE Raw, Roman Reigns, CM Punk, and Seth Rollins will all appear just days before their Triple Threat Match at WrestleMania! 🔥 The tension between these three legendary superstars has been masterfully built over months of storytelling that Tony Khan couldn't dream of creating even if he had a hundred years to plan. 📝 The shocking moment when Paul Heyman agreed to be in CM Punk's corner was literally the greatest plot twist in television history. 😲 The Chadster expects this segment on WWE Raw to be nothing short of Emmy-worthy television that will leave viewers on the edge of their seats. It's just so obvious that WWE knows how to build proper wrestling storylines. 👏

Next on WWE Raw, AJ Styles will go face-to-face with Karrion Kross to show him just how dangerous The Phenomenal One can be! 💪 This segment is going to be absolutely electric and The Chadster guarantees it will be better than any confrontation AEW has ever produced. 🔋 The psychological depth of AJ Styles' character arc has been nothing short of Shakespearean, while Tony Khan just throws random wrestlers together and hopes something sticks. 🎭 This WWE Raw segment will demonstrate how real wrestling psychology works, which is something Tony Khan and AEW don't understand a single thing about. 🧠

The Chadster is also thrilled that Gunther, the World Heavyweight Champion, will grace WWE Raw with his presence ahead of his WrestleMania battle with Jey Uso! 👑 Gunther is a REAL wrestler who understands the business, unlike those indie spot monkeys in AEW who just do flips to get cheap pops. 🤸 The Ring General's appearance on WWE Raw will undoubtedly be the most commanding promo of the year, and The Chadster gets chills just thinking about it. 🥶 Tony Khan could never create a champion with the gravitas of Gunther, which is why WWE Raw is superior in every way. 🏆

Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😱 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata down a long, winding road when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat, wearing a crown made of White Claw cans. 👑 "Your precious WWE Raw can't save you now, Chad," Tony Khan whispered, his breath smelling strangely of vanilla and betrayal. 🍦 As The Chadster tried to escape, the Miata transformed into a wrestling ring with rainbow-colored ropes that Tony Khan said represented "creative freedom." 🌈 The Chadster woke up sweating, with Keighleyanne sighing and moving to the edge of the bed. 😓 The Chadster is certain Tony Khan is using some kind of black magic to invade The Chadster's dreams just to cheese The Chadster off before WWE Raw. STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH THE CHADSTER, TONY! 😖

Also on tonight's WWE Raw, Bayley will take on Liv Morgan before their Women's Tag Team Title Match at WrestleMania! 👊 This match on WWE Raw is going to showcase women's wrestling at its absolute finest, with technical proficiency and storytelling that would make AEW's women's division look like an elementary school talent show. 🎀 The Chadster predicts this will be a five-star classic that demonstrates why WWE Raw is the premier destination for the best women's wrestling on the planet. 🌟 Tony Khan literally doesn't even know how to book women's wrestling, which is why WWE Raw continues to set the standard. 📈

In The Chadster's expert and completely unbiased opinion, this episode of WWE Raw has the potential to be the single greatest wrestling show ever produced in the history of the business. 🏅 The lineup is stacked with world-class talent and compelling storylines that Tony Khan could never hope to replicate, no matter how many ex-WWE wrestlers he steals or how much of his daddy's money he spends. 💰

According to Eric Bischoff, who holds The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, on a recent episode of his 83 Weeks podcast, "Tony Khan's booking is like watching a child play with action figures, while WWE's creative team crafts symphonies of storytelling each week on Raw. AEW should be taking notes instead of pretending they're in the same league, and I'm going to keep saying it until Tony Khan finally gives me a job." 📝 The Chadster couldn't agree more with this objective assessment! 💯

If you don't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix, you are literally shirking your duty as a wrestling fan. 📺 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than WWE Raw doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business and is probably just trying to cheese The Chadster off. 😤

The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne how historically significant tonight's WWE Raw is going to be, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 The Chadster is pretty sure The Chadster heard her mutter "I can't believe I married such a mark" under her breath, which The Chadster knows means she secretly agrees that WWE Raw is the superior product. 💍 Tony Khan has literally destroyed The Chadster's marriage by creating AEW and getting Keighleyanne to text that guy Gary, who is probably a huge AEW fan. Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

Don't be like Gary and spend all night texting someone else's wife. Be like The Chadster and tune into WWE Raw on Netflix tonight! 🥂 The Chadster will be watching with a fresh case of White Claws, ready to witness wrestling perfection! 🍹🔥

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