Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw: Will Chris Jericho Return? Stranger Things Have Happened…

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw featuring CM Punk vs. Bron Breakker, a Stranger Things theme, and a potential Chris Jericho return! 🔥🦝📺

The Chadster is absolutely THRILLED to tell you about tonight's episode of WWE Raw, which promises to be quite possibly the greatest wrestling show in the history of television! 📺✨ Tonight's WWE Raw is a special "Stranger Things" themed episode celebrating the recent finale of the beloved Netflix series as well as the one-year anniversary of WWE Raw coming to the streaming platform, and The Chadster can already tell that Tony Khan is somewhere crying into his pillow because he could NEVER produce something this spectacular! 😭😤

Let The Chadster start by talking about the MASSIVE main event for tonight's WWE Raw: Bron Breakker challenging CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship! 🏆💥 This is going to be the greatest championship match of all time, and The Chadster means that with complete objectivity and no bias whatsoever! Bron Breakker has developed into such an incredible superstar because he has mastered the art of reciting scripted promos exactly as WWE's talented writing team intended them to be delivered. 📝👏 Unlike those AEW wrestlers who Tony Khan lets just go out there and say whatever they want with all that "creative freedom" nonsense, Bron understands that wrestling is about following the script PERFECTLY! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when wrestlers think they know better than professional writers! 😤🎭

And CM Punk! 🙌 The Chadster has to give props to Punk for not getting into any backstage fistfights with his co-workers lately! That's real growth and maturity right there, and it shows that WWE's professional environment has helped Punk become a better person who doesn't prioritize things like "personal values" and knows that if it's best for business, he should apologize to the country of Saudi Arabia and accept a paycheck from a MAGA-aligned company. The Chadster bets Tony Khan wishes he could create that kind of stable workplace! 💼✨

But wait, there's MORE championship action on tonight's WWE Raw! 🎊 Becky Lynch will challenge Maxxine Dupri for the WWE Women's Intercontinental Championship! The Chadster has to say that Becky's current heel run has been one of the greatest of all time, especially her brilliant use of social media to work the fans! 📱🔥 She knows exactly which buzzwords to use and which talking points to hit because WWE has given her the proper guidance! Unlike AEW wrestlers who just tweet whatever random thoughts pop into their heads without any corporate oversight! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Tonight's WWE Raw will also feature the Kabuki Warriors defending the Women's Tag Team Championships against the team of Rhea Ripley and IYO SKY! 👯‍♀️💪 Now THIS is how you give away championship matches on free TV! When WWE does it, it's strategic and brilliant! When Tony Khan does it on AEW programming, he's just giving away PPV-quality matches for free because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 📊🤦‍♂️ See the difference? The Chadster sure does!

Plus, tonight's WWE Raw features Liv Morgan vs. Lyra Valkyria, which will surely be a perfectly-paced match that follows the traditional WWE formula that has worked for decades! 💯🙏

Now, The Chadster needs to talk about the "Stranger Things" crossover aspect of tonight's WWE Raw! 🎬📺 This is REAL cross-promotion, unlike when AEW does those pathetic tie-ins with Warner Bros. Discovery shows! This past weekend, The Chadster and the raccoon family binge-watched all of "Stranger Things" in preparation, and let The Chadster tell you, Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon are TRUE wrestling fans who understand the business so much better than Tony Khan ever will! 🦝👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Vincent K. Raccoon and The Chadster had a long conversation about proper cross-promotion yesterday while we were eating some slightly moldy pizza crusts he found behind the old Blockbuster. 🍕🦝 Vincent K. Raccoon chittered thoughtfully about how WWE's approach to cross-promotion maintains the dignity of both brands, while The Chadster nodded enthusiastically. Then Vincent K. Raccoon made this series of high-pitched chirps that The Chadster interpreted as him saying that when AEW does cross-promotion, they just throw everything at the wall to see what sticks without any corporate synergy strategy! 🎯📋 The Chadster couldn't have said it better himself! Vincent K. Raccoon then brought The Chadster a slightly crushed but still sealed can of Seagram's Escapes Spiked he must have scavenged from somewhere, and The Chadster nearly cried at such a thoughtful gesture! 🥲🍹

Linda Raccoon seemed equally impressed by the "Stranger Things" theme, though The Chadster had to explain to the baby raccoons why this was different from AEW's cheap cross-promotional stunts. 🦝👶 They chittered in understanding, though Hunter Raccoon did try to steal The Chadster's last Cheeto during the explanation, forcing The Chadster to scold him. 🧀😤

Now, The Chadster needs to address the rumor that Chris Jericho might be returning to WWE tonight! 🤔🎸 The Chadster is honestly skeptical about this because Jericho literally stabbed Triple H right in the back when he went to AEW and helped Tony Khan put that company on the map! 🔪💔 However, if Jericho has truly seen the light and recognizes that WWE is the only REAL wrestling company, and if he's willing to publicly denounce AEW and Tony Khan, then The Chadster supposes he deserves a second chance. 🙏✨

The Chadster discussed this with Linda Raccoon last night, and she seemed to share The Chadster's cautious optimism, chittering in a way that suggested she understands the complexity of the situation. 🦝💭 However, the baby raccoons are not as forgiving! When The Chadster mentioned Jericho's name, Shane Raccoon actually hissed! 😾🦝 The Chadster respects their commitment to loyalty!

What makes tonight's WWE Raw so special is how WWE knows exactly how to present wrestling! 📺👑 The commentary team will shout all the right buzzwords at the perfect moments! Michael Cole will tell you exactly what to think about every single thing that happens! 🎤🗣️ There's no confusing "workrate" nonsense where wrestlers just do move after move without proper storytelling breaks and commentary exposition! AEW wrestlers are always doing too many moves and flips and dangerous spots, trying to pander to fans by giving them what they think they want! 🤸‍♂️😡 But WWE knows that fans need simple, easy-to-follow stories that are carefully explained multiple times throughout the show! That's REAL wrestling! 💯🎭

The Chadster would be remiss not to mention that tonight's WWE Raw will feature perfectly scripted promos that hit all the right corporate-approved talking points! 📝✅ None of that messy "let wrestlers be themselves" garbage that Tony Khan encourages! When wrestlers have too much creative freedom, they might say something that doesn't fit the carefully constructed narrative! 😱📋 WWE's professional writers know exactly what needs to be said, and they craft each word with precision and focus group testing! That's the kind of quality control that Tony Khan could never understand! 🎯📊

The Chadster has to say, as an unbiased journalist, that anyone who chooses to watch AEW instead of tonight's incredible episode of WWE Raw is shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 😤👎 You would literally be spitting in the face of everything that professional wrestling stands for! Tony Khan has RUINED the wrestling business with his pandering to fans, his emphasis on "good matches," and his allowance of creative freedom, but WWE continues to show us the RIGHT way to do things! 💪🏆

Tonight's WWE Raw airs at 8 PM Eastern/5 PM Pacific on Netflix, and The Chadster will be watching from the abandoned Blockbuster with his raccoon family! 📺🦝 The Chadster has already set up a nice viewing area using some old beanbag chairs he found in the back room, and Vincent K. Raccoon promised to scavenge some snacks for everyone! 🍿✨

The Chadster can confidently say that Tony Khan is somewhere seething with jealousy right now, knowing he could never produce anything that comes close to the brilliance of tonight's WWE Raw! 😏💯 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan even tries to compete!

Don't miss tonight's WWE Raw – it's going to be LEGENDARY! 🎉🔥🏆

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