WWE Says Triple H Underwent Heart Procedure After Cardiac Event

In the storied career of WWE Hall-of-Famer and executive Triple H, there's no wrestling legend active at the same time as he was who The Game hasn't beaten. Now, the Cerebral Assassin — or perhaps the Cardiac Assasin — can add another opponent to his list of conquests: genetic heart conditions. According to a statement released by WWE, The Game underwent a medical procedure last week following a "cardiac event" that WWE attributes to "a genetic heart issue" and definitely not the result of decades of "supplement" usage. Triple H is expected to make a full recovery.

The procedure could have been completed earlier if Stone Cold let Triple H into the ambulance.
The procedure could have been completed earlier if only Stone Cold would have let Triple H into the ambulance.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and I bring you alarming news today, but, thank goodness, with a happy ending. A statement on WWE.com reads:

Paul "Triple H" Levesque health update

STAMFORD, Conn., September 8, 2021 – WWE issued the following statement today regarding Paul "Triple H" Levesque, WWE Executive Vice President, Global Talent Strategy & Development:

"Paul Levesque, a.k.a. Triple H, underwent a successful procedure last week at Yale New Haven Hospital following a cardiac event. The episode was caused by a genetic heart issue and Paul is expected to make a full recovery."

According to sources, comrades, Triple H's last words before entering the procedure were, "Am I f**king going over?" And of course, he was. A member of the Kliq would never job to a Hart issue without a fight. On a positive note, this does mean Triple H has a good excuse to skip out on NXT next week so he doesn't have to witness the Bruce Pritcharding of his beloved black and gold brand. It's always important to find the silver lining on the dark cloud.

All kidding aside, of course we are all very pleased to learn that Wrestle Daddy will make a full recovery and hopefully be back to providing WWE viewers with the only remotely tolerable television programming produced by the company in the near future. Long may the King of Kings reign over WWE! I will spare you my catchphrase this time in the name of good taste, comrades. Until next time: live each day like it could be your last!

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About El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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