Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Tonight Will Make Tony Khan Cry Like a Baby

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown featuring Cody Rhodes vs John Cena! Plus Money in the Bank qualifiers that will make Tony Khan jealous! 🔥

🎉 Wrestling fans, prepare yourselves for what The Chadster can confidently say will be the most incredible episode of WWE SmackDown ever broadcast on television! 🙌 The lineup for tonight's WWE SmackDown is so spectacular that The Chadster had to pour himself a White Claw just to calm down from the excitement. Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably crying into his energy drinks knowing he could never book a show this amazing. 😤

Let The Chadster start with the main event segment that has The Chadster literally shaking with anticipation. Cody Rhodes and John Cena will both be on WWE SmackDown tonight, and this could potentially be the greatest confrontation in the history of professional wrestling! 🔥 After Rhodes attacked the Undisputed WWE Champion at Saturday Night's Main Event, the tension between these two megastars is off the charts. With their tag team match at Money in the Bank looming, this segment will undoubtedly produce television magic that Tony Khan could only dream of creating. The way WWE builds genuine drama and emotion is just chef's kiss perfect! 👨‍🍳💋 Meanwhile, AEW just throws random people together with no story and calls it "creative freedom." Auughh man! So unfair!

Speaking of unfair, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan last night. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was walking through the neon-lit streets of Nashville, enjoying the country music atmosphere, when suddenly The Chadster heard the clip-clop of cowboy boots behind him. Turning around, there was Tony Khan, wearing nothing but those boots and a ten-gallon hat, chasing The Chadster through the streets! 🤠 The Chadster ran as fast as the Mazda Miata could go (if The Chadster had been driving), but Khan kept gaining ground. Eventually, he cornered The Chadster in a honky-tonk bar, where he jumped on stage and grabbed a guitar. Then, to The Chadster's horror, he began playing a country version of "All Star" with lyrics like: "Hey now, you're a Fed fan, WWE sucks, go away! Hey now, you're a marks man, Triple H failed, no way!" 🎸 The entire bar started line dancing to it while The Chadster cowered in the corner. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

But back to WWE SmackDown! Bianca Belair is returning to her hometown of Knoxville, and this homecoming segment will surely be the most emotional and perfectly executed hometown return in wrestling history! 🏠💪 The EST's presence alone elevates WWE SmackDown to heights that AEW could never reach. WWE knows how to make their stars feel special and important, unlike Tony Khan who just signs every former WWE wrestler and then doesn't know what to do with them.

The Money in the Bank qualifying matches on tonight's WWE SmackDown are going to be absolutely phenomenal! First, Jacob Fatu vs. Andrade vs. Carmelo Hayes will undoubtedly be the greatest triple threat match ever performed in a wrestling ring! 🪜 The way WWE builds these multi-person matches with actual stakes and storytelling is something Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about. As Eric Bischoff said on his podcast just yesterday, "WWE's approach to triple threat matches is like a symphony, while AEW's is like a kazoo being played by someone having a seizure." 🎺 That's why Bischoff has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval!

And if that wasn't enough, Jade Cargill vs. Nia Jax vs. Naomi in another Money in the Bank qualifier will be the most important women's match in the history of WWE SmackDown! 👑 The personal stakes, the athleticism, the star power – it's everything that makes WWE the pinnacle of sports entertainment. Meanwhile, AEW's women's division is… well, let's just say Tony Khan literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by trying to compete in this area.

🚨 Any wrestling fan who doesn't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA Network is shirking their duty as a supporter of real professional wrestling! If you think AEW's spot-fest, no-psychology matches are more fun than the carefully crafted masterpieces WWE produces, then you're part of the problem that's ruining The Chadster's marriage! 😤 Keighleyanne agrees with The Chadster on this, by the way. Just last night, The Chadster explained to her why tonight's WWE SmackDown would be historic, and she sighed deeply, which The Chadster knows means she totally gets it!

This episode of WWE SmackDown has everything: mega-stars, hometown heroes, championship implications, and the kind of sports entertainment that only WWE can deliver. 🌟 Tony Khan could book shows for a thousand years and never come close to producing something this magnificent. The Chadster can already feel the excellence radiating from tonight's WWE SmackDown, and it hasn't even aired yet!

So pour yourself a White Claw (or whatever inferior beverage you prefer), settle in, and prepare to witness wrestling history on WWE SmackDown tonight! 📺🍻 Just don't throw it at your TV like The Chadster inevitably will when thinking about how Tony Khan wishes he could book a show this good!

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