Posted in: Comics, Marvel Comics | Tagged: cable, marvel, x-men, X-ual Healing - The Weekly X-Men Recap Column

Cable Gets Freaky With Quintuplets in Cable #2 [XH]

Published Mon, 03 Aug 2020 15:30:58 -0500

Howdy folks welcome to X-ual Healing, the number one weekly X-Men recap column with a sex-based pun for a name. There are three X-Books to recap this week — X-Men #10, Cable #2, and X-Factor #1 — and I gotta hurry up and get back to the blissful world of pro wrestling reporting so let's just get right down to business, shall we?

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities. Still, thanks to a corporate merger, a line-wide relaunch, and Jonathan Hickman's giant ego, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.

CABLE #2 DX
FEB200874
(W) Gerry Duggan (A/CA) Phil Noto
LOVE AND VIOLENCE!
When mutant babies are going missing, Cable takes it personally. Almost as personally as his love life…
It's not easy dating five girls, even if they are clones.
Rated T+
In Shops: Jul 29, 2020
SRP: $3.99

Cable #2 Recap

The Summers family sexual adventures continue this week in Cable #2. In the cold open, Stinger and Omerta are living in a suburban house in Philadelphia, debating whether they should move to Krakoa. The debate is interrupted when they find their baby has been kidnapped.

After the credits (why are comics all formatted like television shows now? Oh, nevermind, we know the answer), Cable chats with the Philadelphia police department about the mutant baby kidnapping and how it could spark an international incident. They warn him to stay out of it. The cops are on this. They don't like any babies being kidnapped, mutant, or otherwise.

Cable doesn't heed their advice. He heads to the scene of the crime with Esme, who is jealous that he previously took Celeste on a much better date. Esme scans the area and comes up with nothing. She makes a comment about parents allowing their kid to be kidnapped and then quickly walks it back due to baby Cable's own history back in the original X-Factor run.

They make out. Cable asks what the other Cuckoos are doing when he's on a date with one of them. Esme claims they're doing other stuff, but they're actually hanging out in their room in Krakoa and psychically spying on the date. Back to business, Esme determines by psychically reading a dog's mind that the baby was stolen by people chanting in white robes, which Cable says must be the Order of X cult.

In outer space, three Space Knights approach Earth, looking for Cable's space sword, the Light of Galador. They crash into the house where Cable and Esme are, defeat them, and take the sword as well as Cable and Esme.

Later, Cyclops talks to the Philadelphia police detectives, also there to investigate the mutant baby kidnapping. The detectives tell him to go eat a cheesesteak and stay out of the police business. Emma intrudes telepathically to yell at Scott for letting his son date all of the Cuckoos at once. She tells him to make sure he doesn't break their hearts, except for Esme, who needs it (presumably for actions way back in Morrison's X-Men, though I guess in Marvel time that stuff probably happened like three weeks ago).

We see emails from the cops talking about the case, with nothing new revealed. We get a diary entry from Old Man Cable about tracking down some hostages and see him in an apocalyptic wasteland approaching some kind of building that he thinks is a trap. And that's it.

I already don't care about the actual plot of this comic, but I'm all for a wacky Kid Cable/Cuckoos love hexagon storyline. Can this book just be about that from now on?