Hi, and welcome to X-ual Healing, the number one sex-themed weekly X-Men recap column on the web. Five X-books came out last week, so let's get right down to business with Hellions #2. Oh, and by the way, in a new feature, down at the bottom of this week's articles, you'll find a table of contents linking to all the X-ual Healing recaps of the week. Go ahead. Scroll down and see.
Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities. Still, thanks to a corporate merger, a line-wide relaunch, and Jonathan Hickman's giant ego, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.
HELLIONS #2 DX
(W) Zeb Wells (A/CA) Stephen Segovia
THE DOMINANT SPECIES?
The Hellions can barely keep from killing one another, let alone find a way to fit into Krakoan society. Of course, that might be just what Mister Sinister is counting on when he sends them to clean up his messes.
In Shops: Jul 22, 2020
Hellions #2 Recap
I can hardly remember what happened in the first issue of Hellions since it came out right before the comics industry shut down for the coronavirus pandemic. The title page gives us at least some clue: the Hellions are heading to Mister Sinister's old orphanage to blow up a cloning lab. Also, somewhere off-panel, the former Marauder known as Scalphunter has switched to just using his last name, Greycrow. The actual reason is the wave of brand changes in the wake of Black Lives Matter protests that have prompted a reexamination of institutionalized racism in America. Still, since the art for this issue was probably done months ago, all Marvel was able to manage was to change Greycrow's name on the title page. Hopefully, we'll get a six-issue mini-series explaining the change later on.
Anyway, Psylocke leads the team of Greycrow, Havok, Orphanmaker, Nanny, Empath, and Wild Child to Nebraska, where they are working with the local cops. Or, trying to, at least. After Wild Child sniffs the butt of a police dog, he lashes out at its handler in a misguided attempt to achieve dominance. This incident convinces the cops just to let the Hellions do their thing on their own.
Inside, Nanny begins hugging Greycrow's leg because Empath influences her to be overcome with emotions for all the lost children. Greycrow shoots Empath in the face, killing him. Psylocke is annoyed that she'll need to do paperwork now. Havok is concerned that being on this team makes him look bad, but Psylocke tells him he's just as screwed up as everyone else. Havok sees a reflection of Madelyne Pryor caressing him in a shard of broken mirror, hammering this point home. They reach the clone lab and find a bunch of screwed up clones of the old Marauders.
A prose page features a report (by Psylocke?) about the status of the Marauders. Since the ones Sinister has been making are clones of clones of clones, the idea is they might be better off being resurrected by The Five instead of using the current existing versions.
Greycrow tries to talk the messed up clones down, explaining they can come live on Krakoa now. But they have a new queen now: The Goblin Queen, in fave. Havok is shocked to see her. She says she's been here for years, but no one has noticed. A battle ensues. In the midst of the chaos, Madelyne wants to make out with Havok.
Most of the Hellions are taken out. Only Psylocke and Wild Child remain. Wild Child sense Psylocke is weakened. He attacks, looking to prove dominance and take over as leader of the pack.
Eh. It was alright. The dynamic between the team members here is mostly played for laughs, and the purpose of this series so far looks to be to clean up some continuity loose ends surrounding the Marauders. This series is already way better than its predecessor, the first attempt at a mutant Suicide Squad, Fallen Angels. That doesn't mean it's really essential, but Marvel's gotta have a certain minimum quantity of X-books to meet its sales projections, so here we all are.
Read more X-ual Healing here:
This post is part of a multi-part series: X-ual Healing: X-Men Recaps for the Week of 7/22/2020.
- Empyre: X-Men #1 – Plants vs. Zombies vs. Soulless Event Tie-Ins [XH]
- Hellions #2: Are These Marauders Still Under Warranty? [XH]
- New Mutants #11 – Is This Storyline Finally Over Now? [XH]
- Wolverine #3 – Yes, It's True. This Man Has Two D**ks [XH]
- X-Men/Fantastic Four #4 – Yes, This Book Still Exists [XH]