SaraJean Greenaway (of Nerd Team 30) writes for Bleeding Cool-
It was the first night of Phoenix Comic Con on Thursday. It's a short night for the convention, the floor is only open 5 hours and there is not a whole lot going on. Luckily for us with Bleeding Cool, we ran into Chris Gore – known for many things, including his time spent on the G4 network show Attack of the Show with his segment DVDuesday which ran every Tuesday. Chris invited us to his DVDuesday panel he was hosting and I have some highlights from the evening below.
Chris Gore: Hello I'm Chris Gore (audience cheers). Good to see you. The panel officially starts at 7:30 but because I love people who actually take time out of their day at a con to come and see me, I thought why don't we just start this panel early and think of this as this initial 10 mins as a bonus feature for this panel. So I have seen more bad DVD's and more bad movies than you can possibly imagine. And one of my favorite things to talk about is bad movies. Now before we get started, I did want to make a note about children in here because I realize there are children here at the panel, I'm going to say that this definitely a PG-13, well a hard PG-13, I'm going to say that it's an R. This is an R rated panel and if you are under the age of 18 just lie and if you're a parent who brought someone here who is under the age of 18, that's awesome. You're exposing you're kids to culture and, well you may want to leave actually at some point. We will see how uncomfortable this gets.
I promised DVD's to give out to people and I'm going to give a DVD out to the first person that comes up on stage and grabs it out of my hand. So the first person to run up on stage and grab a copy of the movie Dick Shark gets a copy of Dick Shark (guy runs on stage and grabs the movie) – this person gets it. Now the second person to take this out of my hand gets a copy of Dick Shark. Now that was easy. These people just walked up on stage. What I am going to ask you guys to do now is everyone who asks a question will get a DVD out of the box. They're not all Dick Shark, that's all I'm going to say. I don't think there are any good movies in this box. I don't think there is one good movie in this box. Dick Shark is a movie made by Bill Zebub, this guy's name- Bill Zebub. Ok, Bill Zebub is this filmmaker from New Jersey, he purposely tries to make bad movies. And in a way, he is a successful filmmaker in that he succeeds at what he is attempting to do. So I kind of admire this guy. He makes about two to three movies a year. He made a movie obviously called Dick Shark. He made another movie called Ass Monsters. He made another movie called The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made, and it is. I just admire this guy because I think he is extremely prolific and he uses his friends, he uses women who are willing to disrobe for very little money and he just makes movies with whatever resources that he has. So I totally- he's kind of my hero, he's just never made a good movie.
So there are a million things I can talk to you about when it comes to films and what not. A lot of people ask what it was like to work at Attack of the Show and G4, what did I think of X-Men: Apocalypse and Olivia Munn's performance as Psylocke, there's any number of things that we can discuss, but what I would like is for this to be your panel, and every person who asks a question gets a DVD. Every person who asks a question is going to walk out of here with a DVD. I want to bring to the stage before we do our Q&A session… I promised a world class panel of film experts, and unfortunately I failed at this but I do have a good friend of mine, TJ Chambers, from Phoenix. He's a comedian and a film fan and longtime friend of mine. Now TJ, I'm going to ask questions of you-
TJ Chambers: Sure. Are you going to get free DVD's for having asked questions? Whoever asks a question-
CG: I'm disqualified, but you will get a DVD at the end of this if I remember to save one. So one of the things I love about DVD's is special features, so I'm going to ask you you're favorite weird special feature, but I have one right now that I love. Has anyone seen the movie Wet Hot American Summer? Love that film. On the DVD- Wet Hot American Summer- there is an option if you go into the audio settings where you can watch the movie with fart noises. Every time a character in Wet Hot American Summer sits down bends down (makes different fart noises) every kind of fart you could possibly imagine. It's a movie made better with farts. Wet Hot American Summer is already a great comedy but when you add the fart track, it's super fun. Also, I can think that almost any movie would be improved by the addition of a fart track.
TC: They won a Peabody award for that I think
CG: Did they really? Oh wow.
TC: Oh no, of course not.
CG: I really believed you.
TC: No. It was a humanitarian award for farts.
CG: Think about it- The Force Awakens, whether you loved it or hated it with a fart track. It would be fantastic. BB-8, I can see Poe Dameron and Finn in that enclosed Tie Fighter getting a little gassy. I think a fart track just makes everything better. So that's one of my favorite weird special features. TJ, do you have one?
TC: I have a strong least favorite.
CG: Least favorite is totally qualified.
TC: This special-special you've already bought it 4 times but you're going to buy it a fifth- edition of Momento, has that – some of you guys know this – you have to like pass a psychological test to get through the things, it's nonsensical (like the movie Momento) and you just get frustrated and don't watch the movie after 5 or 10 minutes.
CG: Oh so it's got on the menu screen –
TC: The menu's like "If you were a bicycle, which bicycle would you be?" And then it's a picture of a knife. You're thinking, this doesn't even make sense. And then you have to somehow psycho-navigate that whole thing. And then you get like (at best) Christopher Nolan talking about the score or something like that. Never once the movie, ever. So that's my least favorite. And also probably the one that's most ingrained, it's not even a special feature, but most ingrained into my memory is the number of times I fell asleep to the load screen of Chasing Amy it was like (humming song from Chasing Amy menu) again and again and you wake up three hours later having had that sort of Aldus Huxley in your brain.
CG: That's the thing because there is like title screen music that is compelling. I think that every Nintendo game is just music I could hear forever and never get sick of. You know, old Super Mario games
TC: Mike Tyson: Punch Out
CG: Yeah, just have it playing in the background. I love that. Ok line up by that microphone for questions and you might win a copy of Dick Shark. I'm just saying the chances are good. The chances are good that more than 25 of you will be walking out of here with a copy of Dick Shark. Is there another movie in this box? There might be.
TC: Who wants to win their copy of Dick Shark right in our faces? You can't just sit out there and get your Dick Shark with a little bit of humility or whatever, you really got to come up and prostrate yourself before this panel for your copy of Dick Shark.
Question: What is your favorite DVD or Blu-Ray commentary track?
CG: Ooh, dude.
Q: Commentary tracks are the reason I buy movies.
CG: Ok, I could answer that question but here's the thing, it's impossible for me to answer a question what is your favorite and best. I'll explode. What I will say is that there are people who are terrible at DVD commentaries. Tim Burton and Sam Raimi are both incapable of making it four sentences, both of them are awful. But one of the best I won't name a particular movie, but one of the best people at commentary is Steven Soderbergh. Steven Soderbergh, he did the Ocean's Eleven movies and whatnot. He did a movie called The Limey with Terence Stamp a brilliant film. He always does his commentary with his screenwriter because he want to talk- it's almost like a podcast- Steven Soderbergh sitting next to the screenwriter of the movie and normally what happens is they will have a conversation about how you screwed up my movie and ruined my screenplay, and on the commentary for The Limey he gets in a fight with the screenwriter whose pissed off at him. And he also, what I love about Steven Soderbergh is he begins every commentary track with "And now another episode of two white guys talking about movies." So I love Steven Soderbergh. I hope that answered your question. Great question. And you get the movie, Nightmare on Elmo Street. Which for some reason features an ample dose of nudity?
Question: What are some of your favorite on-screen deaths?
CG: Oooh, favorite on-screen deaths. TJ maybe you could answer that while I think of an answer.
TC: The one that like sears your mind is the Zombi movie- Z O M B I- the Italian movie, putting the eye into the sharp wood.
CG: That one is good. I can think of another in the original Dawn of the Dead directed by George Romero, when the helicopter comes up and you can see the zombie coming up and it just chops the top of zombie's head off, because it's also comedic, I love that. Another, this sounds weird but I love the movie Guardians of the Galaxy, we all love that film. And when Groot kills and brutally murders those henchmen and looks and grins and smiles like "hey, look what I did," it's so creepy and haunting when he plays it like so goofy, that's one of my favorites too.
TC: I think in recent times the one that surprised me the most is, which I thought was kind of awful was Jurassic World, that poor British nanny, who didn't really do anything wrong, got the most elaborate Rube Goldman death. Her crime was like checking her phone one too many times. It was literally this horrific scene in this otherwise PG-13 family movie.
CG: Yeah that's great one. Great question. And you win a copy of Dick Shark
Question: Bad 80's movies, or actually bad horror movies, do you have a favorite bad 80's horror movie?
CG: Oh God, that's a good one. First of all there's so many. Return of the Living Dead I love because one, it had full frontal nudity and a punk rock chick dancing on a gravestone, that was awesome, a half dog that came to life. I like that is was different play on the Romero-verse like how Robert Kirkman lifted the rules of zombies and created The Walking Dead, I love that show. I would say Return of the Living Dead and I want to give a plug to something that isn't really 80's, but Adult Swim, does anybody watch Adult Swim? It's really late night and they assume you are high. They have been doing these live action things they did Too Many Cooks, I assume everyone here has seen it, and they did a recent one called Lords of the Synth, you need to go on YouTube, it's 11 minutes and Lords of the Synth are these synthesize artists, the play synthesizer music and they are giving the music the end of the world as Hayley's comet is going to hit the earth. And the characters are all based on real synthesizer musicians, but they did a parody of an 80's horror movie called M.O.P.Z, it's an entire feature length horror film it's reminiscent of the 80's and it's played at fast speed. So you can watch the entire feature film in 11 minutes. Its genius and you got to check it out. Come get your copy of Dick Shark!
Question: My question would be what is the best non-horrific item that you have seen made into a horror monster? My mind immediately goes to Tromeo and Juliet with a 4 foot penis monster that attacked Juliet.
CG: Oh wow. First of all, Tromeo and Juliet I love, It's a classic. It's a modern classic. What's that other Troma movie with the Chickens? (audience yells Poultrygeist) Poultrygeist! I would say Poultrygeist, it was one of those ones where I got physically ill watching it, it's so gross. I'd say the chicken in Poultrygeist with all its weird eggs and other details, it's pretty gross stuff. So yeah, I would say that.
TC: I would take it to Creepshow 2, the cigar store Indian, why was that a thing? And then the tree that got rapey in Evil Dead. Somebody at Greenpeace was going "guys come on; trying to help the planet here, don't vilify us." Like that was weird.
CG: Yeah and you don't rarely see rape-tree cosplay at a convention. Good question. Round of applause accompanied by a copy of Dick Shark.
Question: Of all the bad movies you have watched, which one has the worst practical and special effects?
CG: Wow, you could almost name every Troma movie that ever been made. But I would have to say that the ones this guy Bill Zebub makes are so bad that I would say that he takes the cake. But like Troma stuff, can you think of a particular effect?
TC: Oh like where it's obviously a watermelon for a head exploding where you are like I can see the seeds.
CG: One of the films that actually comes to mind because I am reading a biography of Brue Lee right now, I love Bruce Lee, Game of Death he didn't get to finish. There are scenes where they have a stand-in and they just put his face, like a picture of his face, on another guy. It is one of the worst. It is probably the worst. It is not a genre movie, but they were trying to finish that film, of course that's where the great yellow jumpsuit came from and the awesome fight with Kareem Abdul Jabbar,
TC: In George Romero's Martin, a sort of proto vampire movie, there's a wrist slit on a train and they have a thing that's clearly running up that's going to be blood from the ground but it starts too early, it starts to trickle down and you can see the razor blade going but there's already that line, so you're like oh no it's not, you didn't get to that point yet, but it's already down there.
CG: What's your question?
Question: Of all the bad B flicks you have seen, are there any that you would love you have a full Hollywood budget?
CG: Wow that is a great question. I kind of feel like Michael Bay does that every time. But that's a good question. Because on some of these movies you look at them and you go, that is a really good idea. Like I saw It Follows, did anyone see It Follows? Like, I love that. There's something about the tone of that movie that's just so creepy. I'd like to see like the Toxic Avenger done with like a big budget because it really is the first parody super-hero film right? It's a parody of super-hero films; I'd love to see that done well. I don't know I'd like to see George Romero with a budget. I remember being somewhat disappointed with Day of the Dead when it came out because the original script was about the U.S Military and countries of the world using zombies is war and he just couldn't do it. I'd like to see zombie movie with Lord of Rings style effects. We've gotten to some of that I mean World War Z had some of that, I thought World War Z was a little cartoony, but the recent season of The Walking Dead is the best season of The Walking Dead that has happened so far, I don't want to spoil anything, but there is just a scene with a lot of zombies and it was really cool. So I'd like to see George Romero's original Day of the Dead script done with modern digital effects, but not the stuff from like Diary of the Dead, it was pretty bad. I don't know man it bums me out. Because I love George Romero, he's a hero of mine. I'm actually in the remake of the Night of the Living Dead with Tony Todd and Patricia Tallman, directed by Tom Savini, he directed me in a scene and it was great and I got to go to zombie school to learn how to walk like a zombie and learn what back to one was and sleep on the couch with the makeup effects guys, 2 buddies of mine who were working on me for two weeks, and I got to drink Iron City beer, the local brewery. So yeah I would love to see a zombie movie with epic Lord of the Rings- Peter Jackson should stop making shitty Hobbit movies.
Unfortunately I have to wrap it up, but I have 25 copies of Dick Shark here if you guys would like to come up and get a copy. I would like to thank you all for your questions.