Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All Out, wrestling

AEW All Out Preview: What to Expect, How to Watch, Why You Shouldn't

The Chadster previews AEW All Out's offensive card designed to ruin WWE WrestlePalooza! Plus, Keighleyanne won't let The Chadster drink Seagram's! So unfair!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠 Tony Khan has done it again, folks. He's booked another PPV specifically designed to cheese off The Chadster, and The Chadster has to say, he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams! 🎯 Tonight's AEW All Out is a stacked card of high workrate matches featuring diverse wrestling styles and unpredictable outcomes that celebrate the sport of pro wrestling – which is literally the exact WRONG way to book a premium live event! 😤

The RIGHT way, the WWE way that The Chadster loves, is what fans will get with tonight's WWE WrestlePalooza – five perfectly formulaic matches that follow the same tried and tested patterns that make viewers feel safe and comfortable! 🛡️ No anxiety about unpredictable outcomes, just the knowledge that the WWE brand is the true star and fans should feel grateful they're even allowed to witness it! That's real wrestling! 💪

🚨 WWE Totally Doesn't Care About AEW All Out At All (Stop Saying They Do!) 🚨

The Chadster needs to address the elephant in the room here. 🐘 Tony Khan has been trying to ruin this historic moment for WWE by making them look like they have small dick energy – and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Here's what really happened: WWE has probably been planning WWE WrestlePalooza for YEARS, maybe even before AEW started existing! That's why Triple H is known as the Cerebral Assassin. He thinks that far ahead. They were just waiting for the perfect moment to announce it! 📅 But somehow Tony Khan used his billionaire connections to spy on WWE's plans, announced AEW All Out months in advance, and now it LOOKS like WWE is desperately counter-programming because they're afraid of competition! 😱

It's so unfair that AEW is making WWE look sad and pathetic by just… minding their own business while WWE does totally normal business things like feeding negative rumors to dirt sheets and paying for astroturfing bots! 🤖 Those are just smart business tactics that any company would do to another company that they claim isn't even competition! WWE isn't sweating AEW at all! THEY are the ones who are sweating! 💦 It's AEW that's obsessed with WWE, not the other way around – just like Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster! 🎯

🤮 AEW All Out: The Most Offensive Match Card in Wrestling History 🤮

Let The Chadster break down exactly how each match on this card is specifically designed to ruin The Chadster's evening! 😤

"Hangman" Adam Page vs Kyle Fletcher for the AEW Men's World Championship is everything wrong with modern wrestling! 🙄 They're actually letting these guys tell a long-term story with continuity and character development spanning YEARS! Don't they understand that wrestling stories should reset every few weeks so casual viewers don't feel left out? And Fletcher leaving the Don Callis Family in the back to prove he has what it takes on his own because Page made some comparisons in a promo that referenced both of their histories and how Fletcher is on a similar path to Page at this point in both of their respective careers? That's way too complicated for wrestling fans to understand! This is why wrestlers shouldn't be trusted to tell their own stories – they need scripts! 📝 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The AEW Women's World Championship 4-Way with Toni Storm, Jamie Hayter, Kris Statlander, and Thekla is going to be absolute chaos! 🌪️ Four different wrestlers with four different styles all in the ring at the same time? Where's the predictability?! WWE knows that multi-person matches should always follow the formula where two people fight while the others lie outside the ring for ten minutes! 😤 Plus, The Chadster can't stand the way Toni Storm has refined her "Timeless" Hollywood character with depth and creativity to become one of the greatest stars of all time? Wrestling characters should be one-dimensional! Either you're good or bad, not this complex character work that requires viewers to actually pay attention! 🙄

And don't even get The Chadster started on how they're weaving together multiple storylines – the Death Riders influence, Triangle of Madness, personal rivalries – it's way too much continuity! WWE would wisely keep all these stories completely separate so nobody gets confused! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

Kazuchika Okada vs Konosuke Takeshita vs Máscara Dorada for the AEW Unified Championship under Continental Rules means no interference! 🚫 How boring is that? WWE knows that every match needs at least three run-ins to keep things interesting! Plus, having tension between stablemates? That's way too complex! Stables should either all get along or all hate each other, not this nuanced nonsense! 🙄

Mercedes Moné defending the TBS Championship against Riho after 480+ days and 20 defenses? 😱 That's way too long! Midcard championships should change hands every few weeks on free TV to keep things fresh like WWE does! Having a dominant champion who is a legitimate top star and main eventer hold the belt for a long time and defend it frequently elevates the champion, the challengers, the company, and the title itself, which is the exact opposite way to book a championship reign! This is why The Chadster always says that Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about professional wrestling. 🍺

The 4-Way Ladder Match for the AEW World Tag Team Championships? 🪜 Auughh man! So unfair! Brodido, Young Bucks, JetSpeed, and Josh Alexander/Hechicero are just going to engage in lots of high-stakes, fast-past action filled with dangerous spots for cheap pops from the crowd that will ruin all the opportunities to insert fake crowd noise! WWE knows that ladder matches should be slow and methodical with lots of lying around selling and setting up complexly choreographed ladder spots with ladders that are made out of cardboard and pre-scored so that they break perfectly! This fast-paced action is just spot-fest garbage! Vince McMahon is probably rolling over in his grave! 💔

MJF vs Mark Briscoe in a Tables N' Tacks Match? 📌 The Chadster has said it before, and he'll say it again: violence has no place in professional wrestling! WWE would never resort to such barbarism (except when they do it, then it's artistic and meaningful)! This is just violence for violence's sake, for the so-called sickos! The fact that they've built this feud for months with personal stakes doesn't matter! WWE would never let this happen! 😤

Darby Allin vs Jon Moxley in a Coffin Match is literally going to give The Chadster nightmares! ⚰️ Why can't they just have a normal match with a clean finish via distraction rollup like WWE would book? All this dramatic storytelling about revenge and betrayal spanning over a year is just too much for wrestling fans to comprehend! Plus, they're stealing the coffin match gimmick from The Undertaker, which shows that Moxley and Allin don't respect the wrestling business the way they should. The Chadster supposes that's not surprising considering how Moxley literally stabbed The Undertaker in the back by leaving WWE, and Allin hasn't even paid his dues in WWE developmental. That's not the right way to start a career, becoming popular without WWE's blessing. 🙄

Adam Copeland and Christian Cage vs FTR? This match has TOO MUCH HISTORY! 📚 Decades of storytelling, friendships, betrayals – viewers shouldn't need a PhD in wrestling history to understand a match, when everyone knows wrestling fans can only comprehend "moments" as spoonfed via a perfectly produced video package! WWE would wisely ignore all that history and just have them fight because they bumped into each other backstage! That's real storytelling! 💯

Eddie Kingston vs Big Bill? Kingston hasn't been seen in months and they're giving him a big return at a PPV that has been built up for weeks? 🎭 It's so unfair that Tony Khan is using tricks like this to make people want to buy the PPV instead of letting the brand itself be the draw! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

The Hurt Syndicate vs Ricochet and GOA is going to be another workrate fest! 🤸‍♂️ Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW, and now they're in a blood feud with actual stakes and consequences against another WWE backstabber and his stable? Where are the comedy segments and dance-offs that WWE would include to lighten the mood? This is way too serious! 😤

🍺 Keighleyanne's Tyranny is RUINING THE CHADSTER'S LIFE 😭

As if this lineup wasn't bad enough, The Chadster just realized something horrible – The Chadster is going to have to watch this stone cold sober! 😱😭 With this being such a massive weekend – the torturous AEW All Out this afternoon followed by the glorious WWE WrestlePalooza tonight – The Chadster desperately needs the sweet, sweet relief of Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🍺

But Keighleyanne STILL won't let The Chadster have any! 😤 Just because of that tiny incident at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door where The Chadster was secretly freezing Seagram's and boofing them (since she banned The Chadster from drinking because of him throwing them at the TV), and Tony Khan FORCED The Chadster to remove a half-melted Seagram's pop from… well, you know… and hurl it at the screen right as Keighleyanne walked in! 💥 She got hit with it, but that's TONY KHAN'S fault, not The Chadster's!

"Chad, you need to take responsibility for your own actions," she said this morning while texting that guy Gary. 📱 "You can't keep blaming Tony Khan for everything!"

"But Keighleyanne, Tony Khan is literally ruining WWE WrestlePalooza by making The Chadster watch AEW All Out first!" The Chadster explained. "How can The Chadster properly appreciate WWE's superior product without Seagram's?" 😭

She just rolled her eyes and went back to texting Gary! THIS IS NOT FAIR! 😤 The Chadster encourages all true wrestling fans to join The Chadster in protesting this injustice with #CancelKeighleyanne and #LetTheChadsterDrink! ✊

You know who agrees with The Chadster about all of this? Bully Ray, who said on his podcast: "Tony Khan needs to stop booking these PPVs on the same weekends as WWE events. It's confusing for the fans, and honestly, I think WWE should get first dibs on all weekend dates since they've been around longer. If Tony Khan's actions cause fans to throw cans of seltzer at their TVs, I wouldn't blame those fans one bit. Also, WWE should consider hiring me as a producer – I mean, that's just objective analysis!" See? Bully Ray gets it! He also probably suffers from Tony Khan's obsession with objective journalists! 🎯

🙄 Even More Wrestling Tony Khan Is Forcing The Chadster to Watch Before AEW All Out 🙄

As if AEW All Out wasn't enough torture, Tony Khan has also booked a pre-show called AEW Tailgate Brawl at 2PM Eastern, because apparently he won't be satisfied until The Chadster's entire Saturday is ruined! 😤 Daniel Garcia vs Katsuyori Shibata is their THIRD match – don't they understand nobody wants to see rubber matches with actual stakes and history? WWE would have had them fight 50/50 for months with no winner and then forget about the feud completely! 🙄 Plus Samoa Joe and Powerhouse Hobbs vs The WorkHorsemen (JD Drake and Anthony Henry) – Joe literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW! And there's going to be a Tornado Tag Match with Mina Shirakawa, Willow Nightingale, Harley Cameron, and Queen Aminata vs Megan Bayne, Penelope Ford, Julia Hart, and Skye Blue – eight people all in the ring at once with no tags?! That's way too much action! WWE knows tornado tags should be slow and methodical with lots of laying around! 😠 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Tailgate Brawl pre-show starts at 2PM Eastern and is streaming for FREE on HBO Max! 📺 The Chadster is warning you – don't get tricked into watching this free content that will suck you into purchasing the PPV! Tony Khan is using classic pusher tactics – first taste is free! 🚫 Stay strong and wait for WWE WrestlePalooza tonight instead! Your dedication to real wrestling depends on it! 💪

📺 How to Avoid Accidentally Supporting Tony Khan's Vendetta by Watching AEW All Out 📺

Look, The Chadster is legally obligated to tell you that AEW All Out is available for $50 in the United States, or $40 if you have HBO Max. 📺 It's on Prime Video, Triller, YouTube, PPV.com, Fubo, DirecTV, Sling, Dish, traditional cable providers, and even at Dave & Buster's and Tom's Watch Bar. 🍺 The price may vary by region. You can find out more here.

But The Chadster is BEGGING you – avoid ALL of these places at all costs! 🚫 Don't get tricked into accidentally watching AEW! Instead, save your money for an ESPN Unlimited subscription to support WWE in their time of need with WWE WrestlePalooza! It's literally the right thing to do if you're a real wrestling fan! 💪

Until next time, this is The Chadster saying… Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🎵 (That reminds The Chadster of that Smash Mouth lyric: "Somebody once told me Tony Khan was gonna roll me!" So true!) 🎵

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