Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite and Collision: Preview Tonight's 3-Hour Extravaganza

Comrades, El Presidente previews tonight's 3-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special, where Darby Allin defends gold against Speedball Mike Bailey!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gold-plated observation deck of my newest oceanic fortress, anchored just outside the territorial waters of a country I cannot legally name due to ongoing extradition discussions! My loyal capybara Esteban is currently being fed grapes by a former Miss Universe runner-up while I prepare for one of the most stacked nights of professional wrestling television in recent memory. Tonight, comrades, we are getting a LIVE 3-HOUR SPECIAL of AEW Dynamite and AEW Collision, and the capitalist pigs at the top of this industry are about to watch their carefully laid plans for Double or Nothing get blown to smithereens! Let us dig in, comrades!

AEW World Championship Match: Darby Allin (c) vs. "Speedball" Mike Bailey

Darby Allin said his title reign would last until his body gave out, and it almost did this past Saturday on Collision. Allin turned back Sammy Guevara to record his sixth AEW World Championship defense, surviving a violent No Countout match. Allin was barely able to stand when the AEW World Title was placed back in his hands after the exhausting victory. Allin can't and won't be focusing on his Hair vs. Title match with MJF at Double or Nothing, though, because he had already accepted the challenge of "Speedball" Mike Bailey to face him tonight. Bailey is riding a three-match win streak and is clearly in top form heading into the biggest match of his career. Can Allin survive Speedball and walk into Double or Nothing still AEW World Champion, or does Bailey create the ultimate chaos of winning the AEW World Title in Portland?

Comrades, Darby Allin is a man after my own heart – a daredevil who refuses to die no matter how many times the universe tries to kill him! I, too, have survived seven assassination attempts in the last 35 days, including one where the CIA hid a bomb inside a pinata at my nephew's quinceañera. SEVEN defenses in 35 days! This is the kind of work ethic I demand from the peasants in my sulfur mines! Meanwhile, "Speedball" Mike Bailey kicks faster than my secret police kick down doors at 3 a.m., and that is saying something, comrades.

8-Woman Tag Match: Triangle of Madness & Athena vs. Thunder Rosa, Mina Shirakawa & Brawling Birds

The AEW women's division is as chaotic as it's ever been heading into Double or Nothing, and this 8-Woman Tag Match brings multiple rivalries into one ring before some of them will meet again on Sunday, when AEW Women's World Champion Thekla will defend against Hikaru Shida, Kris Statlander and Jamie Hayter in a 4-Way at Double or Nothing. Windsor will also be in action at Double or Nothing against TBS Champion Willow Nightingale, but tonight, the Brawling Birds will get another chance to bring the fight to Triangle of Madness. Plus, Athena and Mina Shirakawa are also set to face off in a future Owen Cup quarterfinals match. Mix it all together, and you have one hell of an 8-Woman Tag Match!

Ah, the Triangle of Madness! This reminds me, comrades, of the time I attended a soiree at Kim Jong-un's vacation dacha, where myself, Kim, and a surprisingly inebriated Steven Seagal attempted to form our own three-person alliance to take over the Eurovision Song Contest. Thekla reminds me of the giant spider Kim keeps in his guest bathroom to discourage long showers – terrifying, venomous, and constantly underestimated by visiting dignitaries. I expect chaos tonight on AEW Dynamite, and chaos is the language I speak fluently!

AEW Continental Championship Eliminator Match: Jon Moxley vs. Kyle O'Reilly

For all his wisdom and accomplishments, Jon Moxley has yet to figure out Kyle O'Reilly of late. Logic, as Moxley put it on Collision, would dictate that he stay as far away from O'Reilly as possible. After all, O'Reilly tapped him out the last two times they met: inside Blood and Guts last November and again 10 days later at Full Gear. However, Moxley injured O'Reilly in that match, which took him out of the Continental Classic, a tournament Moxley went on to win. Tonight, O'Reilly gets Moxley in a Continental Championship Eliminator, and he plans on submitting Moxley again, which would earn him a future shot at the Continental Title.

Jon Moxley has been tapped out twice by Kyle O'Reilly, and yet still he marches into battle! This is the kind of stubborn refusal to learn from defeat that I see only in CIA operatives sent to overthrow me. Three failed coups, comrades, and they STILL keep sending the same handsome agent, who I have now grown rather fond of – we exchange Christmas cards! O'Reilly's submissions are tighter than the grip I keep on the national treasury, and I, for one, cannot wait to see if Moxley has truly evolved or if his arm is about to be folded like origami on AEW Dynamite.

AEW World Tag Team Championship Match: FTR vs. The Conglomeration

The Conglomeration earned this AEW World Tag Team Title match when Orange Cassidy beat Dax Harwood in a Double Jeopardy match two weeks ago. Now, Cassidy and Roderick Strong get their chance to add more gold to The Conglomeration. Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler are just days away from a scheduled AEW World Tag Team Championship defense in a New York Street Fight "I Quit" Match against Adam Copeland and Christian Cage at Double or Nothing.

Comrades, FTR are about to learn a lesson my generals learn every coup season: you cannot fight a war on two fronts! Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler have Adam Copeland and Christian Cage looming over them like the CIA looms over my Sunday brunch. Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy and Roderick Strong are coming to seize the means of tag team production! I support The Conglomeration not just because Orange Cassidy puts his hands in his pockets like a true man of the working class who has no possessions to gesture toward, but because Roderick Strong's back is stronger than the spine of my entire judicial system!

Will Ospreay vs. Katsuyori Shibata

The Opps have made no secret that they weren't happy being ignored by Ospreay, but when they tried to confront him on Dynamite last week, Ospreay got backup from the Death Riders. Ospreay finally addressed The Opps this past Saturday on Collision and made it clear that he's doing what he has to become the guy he needs to be. Tonight, Shibata will have a clear shot at Ospreay before Ospreay faces Samoa Joe in the Owen Cup quarterfinals at Double or Nothing.

Will Ospreay running with the Death Riders! Comrades, this is the kind of moral compromise I understand intimately. I once promised the peasants free healthcare, but then Vladimir Putin invited me on a hunting trip with Gérard Depardieu, and suddenly the healthcare budget became a yacht budget. Sometimes you must become the villain to achieve your goals! Katsuyori Shibata hits harder than the economic sanctions placed on my country in 2003, and I expect bruises will be visible from space.

Trios Match: Ricochet, Andrade El Ídolo & Mark Davis vs. Jericho & The Young Bucks

Just days before they're on opposite sides of Stadium Stampede at Double or Nothing, these six are set for a heated preview of what's to come in New York on Sunday. The issues between the two sides have only increased as rivalries have intersected, leading Ricochet to cut deals with Don Callis and Jericho to find help from The Hurt Syndicate and The Elite.

A Stadium Stampede preview! Comrades, this reminds me of the time I attempted to invade a neighboring nation by leading my troops on horseback through a soccer stadium during the championship match – a brilliant tactical decision that ended with me being tackled by a mascot named Pepito. Ricochet cutting deals with Don Callis and Chris Jericho simultaneously is the kind of double-dealing diplomacy I respect! This is how I maintain power, comrades – by promising everything to everyone and delivering only to those who can be useful or assassinated, whichever comes first.

Anything Goes Match: Mark Briscoe vs. "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa

Until last week, we hadn't seen Mark Briscoe since Ciampa put him on the shelf with an Avalanche Psycho Driller through two chairs back in March. But on last week's Dynamite, Briscoe made a surprise return and immediately called out Ciampa for a fight. Then, on this past weekend's Collision, the two brawled from backstage to ringside, where a low blow by Ciampa nearly led to a repeat of the scenario that took Briscoe out back in March.

Mark Briscoe is back, comrades, and he is OUT FOR BLOOD! "Anything Goes" is also the official motto of my country's tax enforcement division! Tommaso Ciampa calls himself the Psycho Killer, but he has never seen what I do to political dissidents who criticize my favorite telenovelas. Mark Briscoe wrestles like a man who was raised in a barn and improved by it – I respect this deeply, as I, too, was once trapped in a barn for three days during a particularly aggressive CIA stakeout.

Divine Dominion's Five-Minute Eliminator Challenge

"Megasus" Megan Bayne and "Colossal" Lena Kross have said they will give a title shot to any team that lasts five minutes against them, and so far, no one has managed it. The dominant champions roll into Portland, daring a duo to try them – and try to survive five minutes.

Megan Bayne and Lena Kross remind me of my twin bodyguards, Brunhilda and Esmerelda, who once held off an entire UN peacekeeping force with nothing but a kitchen ladle and pure rage. Five minutes against these two? Comrades, I have lasted longer than that in only ONE coup attempt, and that was because the rebels stopped to argue about lunch! I love a good challenge match on AEW Dynamite.

Swerve Strickland Returns!

Strickland viciously ambushed ROH World Champion Bandido after the latter's successful title defense over Blake Christian at Supercard of Honor over the weekend. The two are set to meet to open the Owen Cup at Double or Nothing, but what will Strickland's presence bring to Portland tonight?

Swerve Strickland attacking Bandido from behind! This is the kind of pre-emptive strike strategy I studied at the General Pinochet Academy of Diplomatic Solutions! Swerve understands what every great strongman understands: it is better to attack first and apologize never. I cannot wait to see what kind of psychological warfare Swerve brings to Portland tonight on AEW Dynamite.

Thank you to AEW's website for the preview materials, comrades! You can read the original preview right here.

So tune in tonight, comrades, to this LIVE 3-HOUR SPECIAL of AEW Dynamite and AEW Collision at 8 p.m. ET on TBS and HBO Max! I shall be watching from the rooftop infinity pool of my Caribbean compound, sipping a 1953 Armagnac that was personally smuggled to me by a disgraced former French foreign minister, while Esteban dines on imported truffle shavings beside me. A string quartet of conscripted music students will be playing Darby Allin's theme song on loop. VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN, and viva professional wrestling!

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