Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite is Live from the 2300 Arena Again Tonight; Do Not Watch

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite and explains why Tony Khan's sobriety-induced mind games won't make The Chadster appreciate wrestling variety! 😤

The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is at it again with another episode of AEW Dynamite tonight! 😠 Just when The Chadster was starting to recover from last week's assault on everything good and pure about professional wrestling, Tony Khan has to go and book another AEW Dynamite that's clearly designed to cheese off The Chadster specifically. Auughh man! So unfair!

So apparently Mercedes Moné is defending her TBS Championship against Alex Windsor on AEW Dynamite tonight, and The Chadster is already dreading it. You know what the problem is? This match is probably going to have actual wrestling moves and competitive action that gets the crowd excited! 😤 Don't they understand that championship matches should have multiple commercial breaks with rest holds so the announcers can properly remind viewers about sponsor products? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Chadster was just telling Keighleyanne about this earlier, and for a second The Chadster almost thought "well, maybe some fans enjoy fast-paced wom—" NO! 🛑 What is happening to The Chadster?! These aren't The Chadster's thoughts! Tony Khan must be using some kind of mind control technology now that The Chadster hasn't had a Seagram's Escaped Spiked in over a week and he is feeling vulnerable! The Chadster's mind feels so… clear? NO! That's not right either! 😰

And here's what really gets The Chadster about this TBS Championship match on AEW Dynamite – Windsor is probably going to get a clean finish one way or another instead of a distraction rollup or DQ that protects both competitors equally! WWE understands that 50/50 booking keeps everyone strong, but Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

And this All-Star 8-Man Tag on AEW Dynamite is everything wrong with Tony Khan's booking philosophy! 😡 "Hangman" Adam Page, Kenny Omega, and JetSpeed (Kevin Knight and "Speedball" Mike Bailey) versus Kyle Fletcher, Josh Alexander, and the Young Bucks? The Chadster can already tell this match is going to be filled with high-impact moves, creative double-team maneuvers, and wrestlers having the creative freedom to call spots in the ring! 🤮

You know what Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio yesterday? He said, "Tony Khan needs to understand that having eight talented wrestlers in the ring doing whatever they want without a rigid script is chaos! WWE would never allow such unpredictability. I really hope WWE notices how objective I'm being here and maybe gives me a Rumble appearance." See? Even Bully Ray, who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, understands that AEW Dynamite needs more structure and less… wait, did The Chadster just think that maybe different wrestling styles can coex— NO! 😱 Tony Khan, get out of The Chadster's head!

The worst part about this match on AEW Dynamite tonight? Kenny Omega teaming with Adam Page is clearly meant to tell some kind of long-term story with emotional payoff for fans who've followed their journey. Don't they know wrestling storylines should reset every few weeks to make sure casual viewers are never confused? For a moment there, The Chadster almost appreciated the storytelling continui— DANG IT TONY KHAN! 🤯 Stop trying to make The Chadster have reasonable thoughts about wrestling alternatives!

And of course, AEW Dynamite is coming from the 2300 Arena in Philadelphia, a venue with actual wrestling history that hardcore fans care about! Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's booking AEW Dynamite in venues that create an intimate atmosphere where every fan feels connected to the action! 🙄 WWE's massive arenas with LED boards everywhere and constant camera cuts are clearly superior because… because… wait, why is The Chadster questioning this? WHAT IS THE CHADSTER BECOMING?! 😵

You know, The Chadster had the weirdest dream last night. For the first time in forever, Tony Khan wasn't in it at all! The Chadster was at the beach with Keighleyanne, and we were building sandcastles and laughing. The sun was warm on The Chadster's face, and The Chadster could hear Smash Mouth's "Walking on the Sun" playing from someone's radio. The Chadster was teaching some kids how to properly maintain a Mazda Miata's soft top, and everyone was interested and asking questions! Keighleyanne held The Chadster's hand and said "I love you" without even looking at her phone once! There was a volleyball game, and The Chadster made an amazing spike to win the match, and everyone cheered! The Chadster felt so… happy? Content? Free? 🏖️

What is Tony Khan planning by suddenly stopping his dream invasions?! Is this reverse psychology? Is he trying to make The Chadster think The Chadster doesn't need to obsess about AEW Dynamite every waking moment? Because The Chadster sees right through it! 😤

Whatever you do, don't tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 📺 Watching AEW Dynamite will only encourage Tony Khan to keep booking shows that feature different wrestling styles and give fans variety in their wrestling consumption, which is definitely bad because… because… 🤔

NO! The Chadster knows it's bad! WWE is the only wrestling that matters, and AEW Dynamite is a personal attack on The Chadster! Even though The Chadster hasn't had a drink in ten days and is starting to think that maybe The Chadster's problems aren't actually caused by the existence of a competing wrestling promoti— AUUGHH MAN! SO UNFAIR! 😫

Tony Khan has somehow weaponized The Chadster's sobriety to make The Chadster have impure thoughts about wrestling! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop whatever mind games he's playing and let The Chadster go back to blindly hating AEW Dynamite without any self-reflection whatsoever!

Until next time, this is The Chadster, remaining completely unbiased and objective about wrestling, even as Tony Khan tries to corrupt The Chadster's pure WWE-loving soul! 🤼‍♂️

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