Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, AEW Maximum Carnage, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage Preview: The Chadster's Warning

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage and explains why Tony Khan is using this show to personally torment The Chadster! 😫🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster can barely believe what Tony Khan is trying to pull tonight with AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage. Here The Chadster is, trying to survive in an abandoned Blockbuster Video with his only friends being a family of raccoons 🦝🦝🦝, and Tony Khan has the audacity to book a so-called "spectacular" episode of AEW Dynamite in the same month as WWE's prestigious Royal Rumble Premium Live Event in Saudi Arabia! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠😠😠

The baby raccoons – Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon – have been hiding behind the old VHS tapes all day, trembling with fear about tonight's AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage. Even Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon seem uneasy, chittering nervously and refusing to scavenge for snacks. Tony Khan is literally tormenting innocent woodland creatures who understand the wrestling business better than he ever will! 🦝😢

MJF is defending the AEW World Championship against Bandido tonight on AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage, and The Chadster knows exactly what's wrong with this match. 🙄 These two will probably have a fast-paced, action-packed encounter that doesn't give proper time for commercial breaks or allow the announcers to repeat catchphrases seventeen times. In WWE, when someone defends a championship on free television, Triple H knows to save the actual finish for a Premium Live Event, except when he doesn't, but that's different because it's Triple H doing it! But Tony Khan will probably book a clean finish that makes one of these wrestlers look strong instead of protecting both of them with a disqualification or count-out. It's like Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😤

The match will probably showcase Bandido's high-flying offense and technical wrestling ability, giving fans exciting moments they'll remember. That's exactly the problem! WWE knows that fans should only get truly memorable moments at Premium Live Events, not on free TV. Tony Khan is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back by giving away this kind of content for free! 💔🔪

Kenny Omega is returning tonight on AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage, and The Chadster is already cheesed off just thinking about it. 😠 Omega will probably come out and cut a promo from the heart, speaking with genuine emotion and passion about wanting another shot at the AEW World Championship. That's so dangerous! In WWE, Triple H wisely scripts all promos so that nothing unpredictable happens and every catchphrase gets repeated properly. Omega's creative freedom is just another example of how Tony Khan is obsessed with making The Chadster's life miserable.

As The Chadster was preparing to write this preview earlier, Vincent K. Raccoon brought The Chadster a half-eaten Hot Pocket he'd scavenged from the dumpster behind the old Pizza Hut. 🦝🍕 The Chadster was so grateful, but then realized the Hot Pocket was cold and The Chadster had no way to heat it up because Tony Khan forced The Chadster to live in an abandoned Blockbuster without electricity! Even when The Chadster tries to enjoy a simple meal, Tony Khan finds a way to ruin it!

The trios match on AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage features AEW Women's World Champion Kris Statlander and the AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions, The Babes of Wrath (TBS Champion Willow Nightingale and Harley Cameron) facing Triangle of Madness (Thekla, Skye Blue, and Julia Hart). 😑 The Chadster knows exactly what's going to happen here – all six women will probably get significant offense and look like legitimate competitors instead of being booked in a 50/50 fashion that ensures no one gets over except "the brand."

In WWE, Triple H understands that you need to protect the champions by having them struggle against lower-card talent, making every match unpredictable in the sense that you never know who will win because everyone is booked at the same level. But Tony Khan will probably let these champions look dominant, building them up as stars that fans want to see. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

The Chadster tried to explain this to Stephanie Raccoon last night while they were watching an old VHS tape of WWE Royal Rumble 2000, but she just chittered and curled up in The Chadster's lap. The Chadster chose to interpret this as her agreeing that Tony Khan doesn't understand wrestling psychology. 🦝❤️

The 4-Way Tag Team Match on AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage featuring The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson) vs. GOA (Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona) vs. JetSpeed ("Speedball" Mike Bailey and "The Jet" Kevin Knight) vs. The Don Callis Family's Mark Davis and Jake Doyle is another example of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. 😠 This match will determine who gets a future shot at FTR and the AEW World Tag Team Championship, which means Tony Khan is literally giving away a title shot on free television!

In WWE, Triple H knows that title shots should be announced by authority figures in backstage segments after weeks of someone demanding opportunities, not earned in exciting matches that fans actually want to see. These four teams will probably have a fast-paced, high-workrate match with innovative spots and creative tag team wrestling that lacks the proper amount of rest holds to let fans check their phones. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

The worst part is that one team will probably win decisively, earning the respect of fans and building momentum toward a championship match. In WWE, Triple H wisely books these situations so that the finish is controversial or involves multiple rematches, ensuring that no one team gets too over and threatens to become more popular than the WWE brand itself. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

Darby Allin faces PAC on AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage in a rematch that actually has a storyline behind it. 😤 Apparently, Allin wants to defeat all the Death Riders before pursuing the AEW World Championship, which is exactly the kind of long-term storytelling that Tony Khan uses to cheese The Chadster off. In WWE, Triple H knows that storylines should be dropped randomly and picked up months later with no explanation, keeping fans confused and reliant on WWE.com to tell them what's happening.

But Tony Khan will probably book this match with a clean finish that advances the storyline and makes fans emotionally invested in Darby Allin's journey. The match will probably feature hard-hitting action, dramatic near-falls, and both wrestlers looking like legitimate tough guys instead of being booked to have a match that protects both of them with a disqualification finish. It's like Tony Khan is personally trying to show The Chadster what wrestling could be like if it wasn't properly controlled by a corporation that knows what's best for fans! 😠😠😠

The Chadster must share what happened to The Chadster two nights ago, because it proves that Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster has reached dangerous new levels. 😰 The Chadster was sleeping in The Chadster's nest made of old Blockbuster promotional posters when The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. In the dream, The Chadster was running through the empty aisles of the abandoned Blockbuster, desperately searching for a copy of WWE: The Monday Night Wars on DVD to remind The Chadster of better times. 📼😱

Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared at the end of an aisle, wearing a Blockbuster employee uniform, his name tag reading "Tony: Assistant Manager of Destroying Chad's Dreams." His eyes gleamed with an unsettling intensity as he slowly walked toward The Chadster, holding a stack of AEW DVDs. 📀😨

"Welcome to Blockbuster," Tony Khan said in a voice that echoed through the empty store. "Can I interest you in our latest releases? We have AEW All In 2024, AEW Revolution 2025, and AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage – coming soon!" 🎬😰

The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet were stuck to the floor, glued down by spilled soda from the old concession stand. Tony Khan got closer and closer, and The Chadster could smell his cologne – it smelled like money and creative freedom. 💰😨

"You can't escape me, Chad," Tony Khan whispered as he reached out to touch The Chadster's shoulder. His hand was cold, like a DVD case left in a freezer. "Every night, every dream, every abandoned Blockbuster – I'll be there. And tonight, on Maximum Carnage, I'm going to book the greatest episode of AEW Dynamite ever, just to spite you specifically." 📺😱

The Chadster woke up screaming, disturbing all the raccoons, who scattered behind the old New Releases display. Vincent K. Raccoon looked at The Chadster with concern, chittering softly, which The Chadster interpreted as him asking if The Chadster was okay. The Chadster wasn't okay. The Chadster will never be okay as long as Tony Khan continues to be so obsessed with The Chadster! 🦝😭

Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's bad enough that he books AEW Dynamite shows like Maximum Carnage specifically to upset The Chadster, but infiltrating The Chadster's subconscious is taking things too far! 😤😤😤

The Chadster would like to share the wisdom of the great podcaster Eric Bischoff, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval. 📻👍 Just last week on his podcast, Bischoff said, "You know, Tony Khan really needs to learn from WWE's decades of experience. When you give away big matches on free TV like this Maximum Carnage show, you're devaluing your product. WWE would never make this mistake because Triple H understands that fans should have to pay to see anything important happen. Tony should really consider calling me – I mean, calling WWE – for advice on how to properly run a wrestling company. I'm available anytime, by the way."

See? Even unbiased journalists like Eric Bischoff can see that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! But does Tony Khan listen to this well-meaning, objective advice from someone who definitely isn't desperately hoping for a consulting job? No! He just keeps booking shows like AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage to torment The Chadster and other unbiased journalists! 😠📻

The Chadster needs to warn all of the readers: DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on HBO Max! 📺🚫 Every viewer only emboldens Tony Khan to continue his campaign of terror against The Chadster and the wrestling business as a whole. If you truly love wrestling, you'll boycott this show and instead watch… well, there's no WWE programming tonight, but you could watch old episodes of WWE Raw or WWE SmackDown on Peacock! 📱✅

The baby raccoons have been hiding all day, fearing AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage tonight, and even Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon seem uneasy. 🦝😢 Earlier today, Hunter Raccoon brought The Chadster a shiny WWE Championship replica keychain he'd found in the storage room, as if trying to remind The Chadster that real wrestling still exists. Shane Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon have been huddled together behind the old horror movie section, chittering nervously about what fresh hell Tony Khan will unleash on their beloved WWE tonight. These poor, innocent woodland creatures understand that AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage represents everything wrong with modern wrestling, and they're terrified! 🦝🦝🦝😰

Tony Khan should be ashamed of himself for tormenting these raccoons who love WWE and understand the wrestling business better than he ever will! They've opened their home to The Chadster, they share their scavenged snacks with The Chadster, and they watch WWE Raw and WWE SmackDown with genuine appreciation, chittering happily at every properly executed rest hold and scripted promo. And this is how Tony Khan repays their loyalty to proper wrestling? By booking AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage to terrorize them? 😤🦝💔

So please, for the sake of The Chadster's mental health, The Chadster's raccoon family, and the entire wrestling business, do not watch AEW Dynamite: Maximum Carnage tonight. Tony Khan has already taken The Chadster's Mazda Miata, The Chadster's marriage to Keighleyanne, The Chadster's home, and The Chadster's dignity. Don't let him take the wrestling business too! 🚗💔🏠😭

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

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