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Doctor Who: What's Wrong with a Blonde Woman Playing The Doctor?

Maybe Doctor Who should only be blonde women from now on to shut up the haters, and we make the case for Kim Cattrall as the next Doctor.

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Hey, did you hear or see that Ncuti Gatwa regenerated and Billie Piper is the new Doctor Who? Yeah, that happened. What's that, you say? A blonde woman becoming The Doctor?! Why not? Many of you start complaining that a person of colour became The Doctor, so why can't a blonde woman too? And yet, there are way too many of you calling out Davies for having a blonde woman as the Doctor. Russell T Davies did say anyone can be The Doctor, and he put his money where his mouth is. Remember Jodie Whittaker? She was also there before. Blonde female regenerations are canon! SUCK IT, HATERS!

Doctor Who Season 2 Finale:
Image: BBC Screencap

But Billie Piper was not really the first blonde lady to become Doctor Who, you know. That honour goes to Joanna Lumley, she of Absolutely Fabulous, and Steven Moffat was responsible for that. It was in The Curse of Fatal Death, the 1999 non-canonical (or is it?) special episode that was literally Moffat's first produced script for Doctor Who. That was an entire half-hour episode spoofing everything about the series, including the absurdity of regeneration where the Doctor kept getting killed and regenerating, from Rowan Atkinson to Hugh Grant to Jim Broadbent and finally to Joanna Lumley at the peak of her AbFab fame. The episode started with Lumley getting thrilled that the sonic screwdriver vibrates, and ended with her running off with Jonathan Pryce's Master. And why not? There you have it – Joanna Lumley was the first blonde and female Doctor!

We've had all those complaints about "wokeness" destroying Doctor Who, certain "fans" hate it when The Doctor is not a white man, so why not just settle this once and for all, and just have a blonde woman play The Doctor from now on? Blonde women are considered possibly the least woke thing, other than white men, after all. That should shut the haters up. And the series will finally get approval from American viewers! Billie Piper is the Doctor right now, whether for clicks or for real. Deal with it. And who should be next? Why not Kim Cattrall? She of Sex and the City! She can play camp and pathos, and she's in fact British. She was born in Liverpool and she moved back to the UK years ago.

Doctor Who: The Case for a Blonde Woman Becoming The Doctor
Image: HBO

Let's make it a new tradition: only blonde female Doctors from now on! And while we're at it, why not ask Ryan Murphy if he'll be the next showrunner? Think you hate Davies' run for the "wokeness"? You ain't seen nuthin' yet until you've seen several seasons of American Horror Story, American Crime Story, and Doctor Odyssey (which could be an alternate universe version of  Doctor Who, only with a non-time-traveling luxury cruise ship). You haters will be begging to get Russell T Davies back! For the rest of us, we'll be over here watching and having fun.

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Adi TantimedhAbout Adi Tantimedh

Adi Tantimedh is a filmmaker, screenwriter and novelist. He wrote radio plays for the BBC Radio, “JLA: Age of Wonder” for DC Comics, “Blackshirt” for Moonstone Books, and “La Muse” for Big Head Press. Most recently, he wrote “Her Nightly Embrace”, “Her Beautiful Monster” and “Her Fugitive Heart”, a trilogy of novels featuring a British-Indian private eye published by Atria Books, a division Simon & Schuster.
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