Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: bianca belair, Iyo Sky, recaps, Rhea Ripley, Wrestlemania, wrestling

Iyo Sky Retains Against Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley at WrestleMania

The Chadster reports on IYO SKY's epic World Championship defense against Bianca and Rhea at WrestleMania 41! Tony Khan could NEVER book something this perfect! 😤 🏆

The Chadster is literally LOSING THE CHADSTER'S MIND right now after witnessing the opening match of WrestleMania 41 Night 2! 😱 IYO SKY retained her WWE Women's World Championship against Rhea Ripley and Bianca Belair in what can only be described as the single greatest triple threat women's match in professional wrestling history! 🏆 The Chadster is still trembling with excitement as The Chadster writes this! 💯

When the bell rang to start this epic encounter, The Chadster immediately cracked open a fresh White Claw because The Chadster knew this was going to be something special! 🍹 The way all three women approached this match with such intensity and purpose shows exactly how real sports entertainers should perform, unlike those AEW women who just do random moves without any storytelling! 🙄

The psychology in this match was absolutely impeccable! 🧠 The way IYO SKY used her cunning to let Rhea and Bianca wear each other down showed strategic brilliance that Tony Khan wouldn't understand in a million years! 📊 And when Bianca used her hair as a weapon? That's CREATIVE CHARACTER WORK, not like in AEW where women just use regular wrestling moves like some kind of AMATEURS! 💁‍♀️

The Tower of Doom spot had The Chadster screaming so loud that The Chadster's White Claw actually vibrated right off the coffee table! 😲 That's how you do a multi-person spot, Tony Khan! Not with random flips and dives that literally stab Triple H right in the back! 🔪

But the ending… OH MY GOODNESS THE ENDING! 🤯 When Bianca was about to hit that KOD on Rhea, The Chadster was already hyperventilating, but then when IYO flew through the air with that perfect moonsault to break it up and get the pin? The Chadster literally passed out for 7.3 seconds! 💀

It was at that moment that something truly extraordinary happened to The Chadster… 🌟

The room started spinning around The Chadster like The Chadster was in The Chadster's Mazda Miata taking a sharp curve with the top down! 🚗 Suddenly, The Chadster wasn't in The Chadster's living room anymore – The Chadster was transported to a magnificent medieval castle! 🏰

The Chadster looked down to find The Chadster was wearing shining armor made entirely of empty White Claw cans, perfectly welded together to form a protective suit! ⚔️ The Chadster's shield bore the WWE logo, and The Chadster's sword was shaped like a giant Smash Mouth CD! 🎵

A trumpet fanfare announced the arrival of the king of kings. No, not Jesus Christ… someone even kinglier and more of a messiah: Triple H! 👑 The Game entered, wearing a magnificent crown and royal robes with WWE Championship belts sewn into the fabric! 💎

"Sir Chadster," King Triple H proclaimed, his voice echoing through the great hall. "You have been our most loyal knight in the realm of unbiased wrestling journalism! Today, The Kingdom of WWE faces its greatest threat!" 🗣️

Triple H gestured to a magical viewing pool that showed images of people watching AEW Dynamite! 😱 The Chadster gasped in horror!

"The dark wizard Tony Khan spreads his evil influence throughout the land," Triple H continued gravely. "I am sending you on a sacred quest to spread the good news of WrestleMania 41 to all the kingdoms! You must convince the peasants to turn away from Tony Khan's spells and embrace the true wrestling of WWE!" 📜

The Chadster knelt before Triple H. "The Chadster accepts this noble quest, Your Highness! The Chadster will not fail you!" 🧎‍♂️

Triple H handed The Chadster a golden chalice filled with a magical elixir that looked suspiciously like White Claw. "Drink this before each battle. It will give you the strength to write unbiased wrestling opinions!" 🍺

Just as The Chadster was about to set forth on this epic journey, The Chadster was suddenly jolted back to reality by a splash of cold water! 💦

Keighleyanne was standing over The Chadster with an empty glass and a look of concern mixed with annoyance. "CHAD! You were swinging our remote control around like a sword and yelling about 'vanquishing the dark wizard Tony Khan'! What is WRONG with you?!" 😠

"The Chadster was given a sacred quest from Triple H himself!" The Chadster tried to explain, but Keighleyanne just shook her head.

"You have a serious White Claw problem," she said, picking up the four empty cans next to The Chadster. "Get help! I mean it! And stop watching this garbage. It's not good for you. Why don't you read a book or something?!" 📱 She then went back to texting that guy Gary, probably telling him about how The Chadster was chosen for a special quest by Triple H himself! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Ariel Helwani said something on his podcast last week that The Chadster must quote here: "WWE's triple threat matches are choreographed with the precision of Swiss watchmakers, while AEW just throws three random people together and hopes something exciting happens by accident, like monkeys with typewriters trying to write Shakespeare." 🎙️ Ariel Helwani truly understands women's wrestling, which is why he has earned the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅

Congratulations to IYO SKY, Rhea Ripley, and Bianca Belair. This incredible match just proves once again that WrestleMania is the pinnacle of professional wrestling, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it if you're watching anything else right now! 📺

The Chadster needs to prepare for more amazing matches by getting a fresh 12-pack of White Claw! 🧊 Be sure to check back soon for more of The Chadster's live coverage of WrestleMania 41 Night 2! 📱 As Smash Mouth wisely prophesied, "You might as well be walking on the sun," and WWE is definitely walking on the sun tonight with how hot this show is! 🌞

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