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The Chadster reports on how AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door's violent cage match ending literally ruined The Chadster's marriage. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! So unfair!
Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown
WWE SmackDown Review: The End of John Cena's Heel Turn?!
The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown's perfect go-home show before SummerSlam! Plus, Tony Khan invaded The Chadster's dreams again! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🤼
Article Summary
- WWE SmackDown proves again why scripted promos and formulaic matches are superior to improvised AEW nonsense.
- John Cena abandons his heel turn, restoring order with proper WWE sports entertainment—unlike Tony Khan's mess.
- Smart 50/50 booking and no risky improvisation keep all WWE talent looking strong—AEW could never!
- Tony Khan is now haunting The Chadster's dreams, trying to ruin WWE and The Chadster's marriage! So unfair!
The Chadster just finished watching last night's WWE SmackDown from Newark, and wow! 🤩 Just when The Chadster thought WWE couldn't get any better, they delivered another perfectly scripted masterpiece that reminded The Chadster why WWE SmackDown is the gold standard of professional wrestling entertainment! 💪
The show opened with John Cena and Cody Rhodes in the ring, and The Chadster was so relieved to see Cena finally come to his senses! 😌 The way WWE's expert writing team crafted Cena's dialogue to acknowledge his brief heel turn as a mistake was absolutely brilliant. Unlike in AEW where wrestlers just say whatever pops into their heads without proper supervision, WWE SmackDown showed us exactly how a promo should be done – with carefully rehearsed lines that ensure nobody goes off-script! The Chadster loved how predictable and safe the segment felt, with Cena returning to his tried-and-true formula. That's real wrestling! 🍺
The Women's US Title match between Giulia and Zelina Vega was exactly what The Chadster expects from WWE SmackDown – a perfectly timed match that hit all the standard beats without any dangerous improvisation. Giulia retained with her northern lights bomb after over ten minutes of perfectly rehearsed action that never once made The Chadster worry about anyone getting hurt with unnecessary high spots. This is what Tony Khan doesn't understand about the wrestling business! 😤
Los Garza defending their AAA Tag Team Titles against Mr. Iguana and Psycho Clown was another example of WWE's genius booking. The Chadster appreciated how WWE SmackDown kept the match short and sweet, ensuring the champions retained without any of that exhausting back-and-forth action that AEW loves to torture viewers with. The commentary team did their job perfectly, shouting their catchphrases and acting shocked at every predictable moment! 🎯
The Aleister Black vs Damian Priest match ended in a DQ when Black used a chair, and The Chadster applauds WWE for protecting both wrestlers with smart 50/50 booking! Unlike AEW where matches have unpredictable clean finishes that make The Chadster feel very unsafe, WWE SmackDown knows how to keep everyone looking strong by having nobody actually win or lose decisively. It's just so respectful to the wrestling business! 🪑
Talla Tonga defeating Jimmy Uso was another perfectly booked segment that showcased WWE's commitment to formulaic match structures. The cage lowering, Jacob Fatu making the save – it all happened exactly when The Chadster expected it to, which is what makes WWE SmackDown so comforting to watch! No surprises, no improvisation, just pure sports entertainment! 🗼
The show closed with Drew McIntyre and Logan Paul cutting a promo on Jelly Roll and Randy Orton, leading to a predictable but satisfying brawl. The Chadster loved how the security immediately broke it up – none of that chaotic violence that Tony Khan allows on his shows!
Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night after watching WWE SmackDown. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was trapped inside the steel cage from the show, but instead of Jacob Fatu trying to get in, it was Tony Khan circling the outside, wearing John Cena's jean shorts and doing the "You Can't See Me" gesture. The arena lights kept flickering between WWE SmackDown blue and AEW Dynamite gold, and every time they changed, Tony Khan would appear closer to the cage. The Chadster tried to escape but the cage door was locked with a White Claw can tab. Tony Khan kept whispering "Join the Elite" through the chain link, his breath somehow smelling like inferior seltzer. The worst part was when he started doing Cena's Five Knuckle Shuffle on the steel steps while maintaining unblinking eye contact with The Chadster. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat at 3 AM! Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! 🛌😭
As Kevin Nash said on his podcast this week, "WWE SmackDown is showing AEW how real wrestling should be presented – with professional writers, no improvisation, and matches that follow the exact same formula every single time. That's what the business is all about!" Nash is so unbiased and clearly just wants what's best for wrestling, which is why he has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏆
The Chadster would love to grab some Seagram's Escapes Spiked (the only adult beverage for real wrestling fans) and watch WWE SmackDown again, and maybe even a third time! 🍹 Unfortunately, Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink. The Chadster has a plan for WWE SummerSlam tonight though. Tune into The Chadster's live coverage to find out! Remember, if you're not watching WWE SmackDown every Friday night, you're literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 🗡️
Until next time, this is The Chadster saying: WWE SmackDown forever! 💙
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